1 -Throwback-

*Tessa*

* Knock , knock *

" Honey! Downstairs ! I'm waiting for you!" Dad almost yelled in front of my room's door.

" Fine! I'll just get dressed " I yelled, stretching .

I went up, yawning and washed my face until it hit me,

Hold on !

Did he forget about my seventeenth birthday ?!

He never did though!

I grabbed my old sweatpants and a shirt .

Put them on.

Brushed my teeth .

Went back to my room - forgetting why I was there in the first place - Then , I went downstairs.

I found my dad wearing a decent black suit .

He had a big cake in front of him , on the table.

Of course!

He didn't forget.

" Dad ! You really didn't have to do all of that for me " I told him with a smile on my face .

" Are you kidding me !? My sweetie pie is growing up , of course I did all of this for you "

He answered excitedly.

" Dad , honestly , how many times am I going to tell you to stop calling me sweetie pie !? I'm seventeen now ! Not seven ! " I laughed at dad for the millionth time .

" Ya , ya . Whatever " dad teased me .

" I'll go grab a knife " I said with a wide smile.

" for the cake ? Or to teach me a lesson? " dad laughed .

" My god dad ! for the cake dad! for the cake !" I joined his laughter .

" Tessa ? Are you trying to say that you are going to celebrate your seventeenth birth day with THAT !!?? " Dad said pointing at my old sweatpants

" Judgy much? " I joked, but then the look he gave me made me swallow back my words.

" Fine , I'll go grab a ' nicer ' shirt and - " dad interrupted .

" nope sweetie pie , I already got you a little ' something ' . Hold on . Stay here "

He ran to his room upstairs . A minute later , dad was back - and yes exactly a minute, I started counting out of boredom- with his hands behind his back .

" Close your eyes " He whispered .

I did .

" Open "

I opened my eyes to the most stunning red dress I have ever seen .

" oh - my - god " I said shockingly , eyes wide open .

" It once belonged to your mom when she was approximately your age " dad said as a tear fell down his cheek .

"When I first met her , she was wearing it . she looked so ... breath taking . "

He stopped . He wasn't done though . I knew that he wanted to say something else , but he just ...couldn't .

Finally , he continued .

"It just felt like, you wearing it now, might bring back everything Jessica and I had. It would feel like one hell of a throwback"

Silence filled the room .

I came closer to dad , hugged him .

Although I was the one needing this hug.

I needed someone to tell ' it'll be okay ' .

It was never about ME .

About what I wanted .

About whether I felt terrible or not .

He never asked

Did I miss mom as well? Did I not? Did it even matter?

Never.

I just think this is who he is .

Who he'll always be.

I couldn't change it .

I couldn't change him maybe because I didn't want to or maybe just because i .... couldn't .

" it's gonna be okay , dad . I'll be more than happy to wear it "

I grabbed the dress from dad's hand and went up to my room to put it on .

I never wore such a fancy dress since mom died .

After my mom's death I felt worthless without her.

I just knew it deep inside that it was absolutely useless to exist anymore .

I didn't know what my purpose in life was anymore .

Yes, did attempt to take my life away .

After dad saved me I started to believe in miracles.

I used to hate on myself everyday .

I stood in front of my mirror everyday , saying that i wasn't good enough,

that I was worthless

At that point I thought no one actually cared about me , and that I didn't mean anything to anyone.

I tried to take pills , when dad wasn't at home , but luckily for me he came back early and I freaked out and dropped them. I never took the pills in the first place .

He ,until now, doesn't know that I wanted to take away my soul .

Actually after my almost suicidal attempt , this was when I started feeling ..... alive .

Ironic, isn't it?

I was done wearing the dress . I looked at myself in the mirror.

knowing that this dress once belonged to mom , made her spirit go entirely through my veins.

I went downstairs .

There was a look of shock on dad's face .

" God! you look Stunning "

" Well thank you David Irwin " I joked, flipping my hair.

Here we go again.

Another birthday without mom, another year without her voice, another year with dad and I being as close as we are, I didn't mind it. In fact, I loved him. Let's just say, it's not the life I imagined having