Baby.

Time and place unknown.

Some time passed, I could not say exactly how much, it could have been days, weeks, or maybe even months. Time in which my mind was constantly drifting in and out of unconsciousness.

Being frank, during those few lucid moments when I was moderately conscious about myself I found myself experiencing a rather strange state. A state in which I could not think clearly. I couldn't do anything voluntarily. I would describe it: as if some kind of mental fog was clouding my actions. It was like having the answers on the end of my tongue and not being able to articulate a solution coherently. If I had to give a more detailed description about my situation, I would say: It was like that time. Like that time I was bedridden. It was like that day after the explosion. Things were happening all around me and I was oblivious to almost nothing. All the people and things blurred in front of me and I couldn't react beyond the human minimum. My strength was slowly leaving me. My mind was wandering like in an illusory dream. Time was continually slipping away. I did not know when, how or where I was exactly. I had no judgment of my own.

That was my first experience as a helpless person, and that was my present situation. It was an absolute chaos between body and soul.

Then, little by little, I came to myself very slowly.

Naturally in my first lucid days I came to the most logical and expected conclusion: I had been reincarnated. I didn't have to be a genius to deduce something so obvious. Yes, the Hindus were right. It was enough to understand my surroundings and, of course, there was also that.

Mistake! Mistake! Mistake!

Mistake! Mistake! Mistake!

Mistake! Mistake! Mistake!

Dozens of red windows with white lettering. Screens that flashed constantly repeating the word, "Mistake!" right under my nose. Screens that let me see absolutely nothing outside of my closest visual spectrum. It was really annoying. Something I couldn't get rid of no matter how hard I tried. Something that curiously only I was able to see. Something that I suspected was closely related to the wheel of human living and dying. Nothing else made sense. I had no other explanations. It was too strange a thing.

Then there was also the voice.

- Ra ra re ri ra! -. A female voice humming merrily right now not far from me.

It was a woman's voice. A young woman and probably also my new mother. Mother whose name I had not yet been able to hear. Although I did remember her carrying me in her arms for a few flashes. Flashes of memories and mostly sensations. Sensations of warmth and security. An instinctive security that I didn't think I could possess in myself. No, to be completely honest. I remembered her making me drink from her breast every few hours. I remembered it especially during these last days when I was already more aware of myself. Sometimes I would come to and find myself screaming desperately. Screaming for food. Screaming for his chest. Screaming for other needs. Those specific memories caused me great contradiction even now, after several days of regaining lucidity.

Then there was that novel but at the same time also frequent sensation in my buttocks. A sensation to which I had recently had to get used to very reluctantly. Yes, I had wet myself again. Even as an invalid during my previous life I had never unknowingly peed myself, but of course, now that I was a baby again that had become quite a common thing. An extremely stressful thing, no doubt. Fortunately or unfortunately for my mental health, I wouldn't know which between the two to choose, it was thanks to that particular degrading circumstance that I had made an important discovery several days ago. A discovery that I could have easily overlooked due to my constant mental instability as a baby: I could feel my entire body and naturally that also included both legs. My legs. I could feel my legs again.

- Hahuhahe! -. A laugh of absolute elation escaped my lips as I remembered that particular day.

A tender baby giggle. Knowing that I could use my legs again was the most incredible feeling I'd had in a long, long time. It was a dream come true. Unfortunately, it was not the time or place for merriment, for that matter. I forgot that there was another person present at the scene, my mother. Naturally, I would later have plenty of time to take it out on "that thing" in front of my face for my new vision problems. Though unfortunately that wouldn't absolutely avoid the mess that nuisance had gotten me into right now, not by a long shot. Having an alternative in mind for urgent cases like this, I decided to turn around as quietly as possible. I knew perfectly well that I was not a good actor, so I had opted to plead weirdness in my behavior. Weirdness in the form of the aforementioned silence, yes, I would be a very serene child.

- Huh? Jsjs. My little guy is laughing again. That's a good sign -. Said my mother to the right of where I was located.

I felt her hands caressing my head not long after. In a sense her touch comforted me. My life depended on her. My debt to her was great and would probably only grow even greater with time. She was a blessing and also. It was also a curse. As her son, my obligation was to care for her, to protect her. I was to do it all my life if it was really necessary. It was my filial duty. If the price to pay was to sacrifice my freedom, then. Then so be it. I would have a family and be tied to them until death. I would enjoy their warmth and relegate my own dreams to the background. I would definitely not be like my parents who had abandoned me during my past life at the drop of a hat. That would not happen. I would protect this young woman, my mother. I would protect my mother still if it was the last thing I did. On the other hand, the pragmatic part of me argued the opposite: I had to get away from her as soon as I had a chance. She was a burden on my path to greatness, dead weight. My ambitions came first in life and she as my mother should respect those goals. It was her responsibility to foster them, not obstruct my growth. It was her obligation to me.

My countenance probably took on an undoubtedly puzzled look. At least, among what you would expect from a baby.

- Sometimes you go for hours on end without making a sound and I get scared. But it doesn't matter anymore. Not anymore. My Kiyoshi is happy and that's all I need -. My mother said grabbing my cheeks gently, I felt her touch and I didn't overreact, that kind of behavior was quite common between mother and son, something completely natural.

I let him play with me as he pleased. I let her play with me even when she started doing some really embarrassing things. At least, from the strange sounds she was making until a moment ago I supposed that must have been the case. On the other hand, there was also that name, Kiyoshi, my new name. It would take me a good while to get used to a different name, I would blame my mental rigidity for that. I hoped that my new, child-like body and mind would help me change that unfortunate drawback. Though honestly, I didn't have high expectations for it. Assumptions were no different than dreams after all.

- Oh, cuckoo-cuckoo my cute little thing! Kiyoshi! Jsjs. My Kiyoshi, mommy's here! Here, do you see me?! You can recognize mommy! Cuckoo-cuckoo! -. My mother asked, probably making some kind of silly, childish gesture to make me laugh.

It was obviously an unsuccessful attempt. I couldn't see anything no matter how much I wanted to and unfortunately for her, even if I could indeed see her, I wouldn't laugh at her antics either. I was too old to enjoy that sort of thing. The reason for the problem and, so far, also my biggest frustration, was clearly known: The screens in front of my nose.

It wasn't long before my mother's hands began to caress my eyes. They were soft, tender touches. I concluded that she had given up on her games. Probably after noticing my terrible lack of reaction. I felt the mist of a sigh whipping all over my face. Her sigh. It was a sigh of resignation. I wrinkled my nose immediately, my mother's breath smelled funny, maybe medicinal herbs, I wouldn't know for sure. Although it was a smell I had smelled before. However, despite that apparent familiarity I couldn't say for sure where or when it had happened. My memories of this new life were too few, sporadic and mostly jumbled.

- Hum. Apparently not. It's been nine months now, according to Dr. Amano: A normal child should be able to recognize his mother at about this age -. My mother explained in a voice as low as a whisper.

A few whispers I was fortunately able to hear.

The revelation struck my senses like a thunderclap. His words explained everything. My brain was not developed enough in the recent past and therefore it was almost impossible for me to control my own actions. That had to be it. Unfortunately my musings would have to wait on the sidelines for the time being. Some warm drops had landed on my hand. I could feel them rolling down my small body, wetting my skin. I also knew what those drops were for sure. Tears. They were my mother's tears. Why was she crying? Doubt settled in my chest. I felt the blood drain from my body. A shudder followed. I immediately knew the answer to that question. It was too obvious to overlook so easily. It was all my fault. Yes. Blame of my apparent blindness. Blame of my feigned weirdness. Blame of my callous indifference. Right now I felt like a complete monster. No. I had always been a monster, only now I was one of a different kind. A monster wearing sheepskin. The skin of a child. The skin of his child. I was an abomination of nature. Something that should never have existed. Someone who had usurped the place of her precious baby. Fear at such a truth washed over my entire being like a shattering tsunami. A tsunami of icy, cutting water. My morale hit rock bottom in a fleeting blink of an eye. I went into shock immediately afterwards.

- Snif. But my child can't even see. Snif. He should have been able to for five months. Snif. Then why? Why can't you do it, my little boy? Snif. Is this a punishment from God? What-what have I done to deserve it? Snif. What has my precious child done to suffer such a thing?! Snif. It's not fair! No! Kyah! This isn't fair! Snif. Snif -. Cried my mother giving a loud cry of helplessness.

I came abruptly to my senses at her shattering performance. I heard her sobbing. I felt her tears gathering around me. Tears that broke my heart without a doubt. A dilemma was knocking at my door and I didn't want to let him in. My unsympathetic behavior was unjustified, I knew. No matter how hard I tried to make excuses for him, he always ended up making me look like a complete jerk. However, I could not change my attitude spontaneously either, it would be somewhat hypocritical and also impulsive. Besides, I doubted very much that in my current state of mind I could do anything about it to remedy the recent past. Not without first getting myself into some trouble that I saw as frankly unnecessary. Not. There was damage that could not be repaired. At least not when all was said and done. It was time to reflect. It was not time to correct my stupidities. Every action, every word, everything had its time and place. In my 95 years of life I had understood the great value of being patient. Now it was time to be patient and think about the future. Of course, all that would happen after a little nap. My young body was already starting to complain from all the crying and drama.

- Snif. Snif. Uh? Foo! What's that smell? Oh. Oh! Kiyoshi, you! I have to change your diaper right now! -. My mother exclaimed, running off to god knows where in search of a diaper.

*Tup, Tup, Tup*

Her footsteps on the wood were the last thing I heard before I fell completely asleep.

To be continued...