Chapter 4

Time passed.

Just like always.

Before I realized it, it had been a month since I first started talking to Ai. It was insignificant, and consecutively everything to me. I enjoyed being around her, and she enjoyed being around me. But I wonder, how long will it be before I disappoint her? Maybe I'm worried about nothing. She seems genuine. We walked to school together, ate lunch together, and walked home together. Hell, we practically lived together 50% of the time. Pretty soon, the other boys and girls began to pick up on our friendship, and I got even more weird looks. I wonder how Ai feels?

I sat down in the cafeteria, and pulled my lunch out of my bag. Ai cooks for me, most of the time, but today, she wasn't able to come to my house early enough. I was left with mainly snacks, which I was fine with, but home cooked lunch is much better. I looked to my left, and Ai was walking towards me.

"Hey!" She said cheerfully

"Have you noticed?" I asked her, leaning in and whispering, "People are staring at us."

"So what?"

I don't get how she can be so nonchalant about this. Does she not understand feeling uncomfortable or something?

"I'm going to the bathroom."

Standing up, I see her nod.

People stared at me as I walked past. I hate the feeling of eyes burning into my skull. Don't you people have something else to focus on? We're all separate people, so mind your own business.

I made it out of the cafeteria, and took a deep breath. It was nice to be away from such a large crowd.

I didn't actually have to use the bathroom, though I'm sure that was already clear. I stood in there for a while, just checking my phone, until I felt read to go back into the people-filled hall.

I opened the door and began walking back.

Something was happening. I could hear it from all the way out in the hallways.

What I saw made me mad.

Some guy, I didn't even know who they were, was sitting next to Ai.

She tried to get up, but he grabbed her hand and pulled her back down into her seat.

As I walked closer, I could hear part of their conversation.

"...he's a freak. You should just leave him behind. You know what he did right? To his best friend? He almost-"

Before he could finish his sentence, she slapped him. Hard. Hard enough to make the cafeteria fall silent.

"What right do you have to talk about him?"

He turned back towards her, eyes filled with rage.

It happened in slow motion.

He raised his arm, and struck her.

I didn't even think

"Hey."

Turning around, he didn't even have time to register what had happened

I punched him as hard as I could.

It was a familiar sensation. The feeling of hard knuckles crashing against soft skin. The pain of having the air knocked out of your chest. The feeling of my back hitting the hard floor after being tackled. It's like history was repeating itself. No matter how hard I try, I just can't be normal. Why? If there's a god, why?

It's useless to pray. No one will answer.

We fought for a good 2 minutes, and he had managed to get on top of me. But I was bigger. And taller. He should have just pretended to have been knocked out. Forcing him off of me, I punched him hard in the stomach, rendering him immoblie.

Standing up, I looked down at him, and proceeded to kick him. Over and over.

Why am I doing this?

What's the point?

We're all just specks in the middle of nothing.

This is pointless.

And yet, I didn't stop. I was just so angry.

Suddenly, I heard a teacher yell.

I didn't wait. I simply just got up and ran. I didn't look back.

I ran and ran.

The world was a blur around me.

I was far past the school at this point.

It didn't matter though. I would never be free.

She'll hate me now.

It's like the universe doesn't want me to be happy. Everything I do, no matter how small, hurts someone.

Everything I do is a mistake. I knew this all along. I couldn't even convince, no… lie to myself otherwise.

I'm like a black hole.

Wait.

I get it now.

All along, I continued to try.

I always tried.

Tried to love.

Tried to hate.

Tried to cry.

Tried to survive.

But that's all just a lie. I had given up long ago. This was all just an illusion I created.

An illusion created to convince myself I was normal.

To convince myself I was human.

But I see it now. It's quite absurd, actually.

Ah yes…

I get it now.

My existence is an issue.

It was high up, looking down at the water.

I shouldn't exist.