EACH OTHER'S PAIN

After the day the police decided it was a suicide, it was almost as if the whole world had stopped around me. I kept thinking about the Millers, Finian's family and how much pain they must be going through to have a second "death" in their family. Similar to my parents, when Finian was younger his family had lost his father. Finian had explained it was a foggy night in November, when around two A.M he heard clashing and yells from downstairs. Fin being three years old at the time, decided to go see what was going on from the down below. When he got to the bottom of the stair well, the noise had stopped. As Fin reached for the light switch, he struggled to turn it on however when his three year old arms managed to, Fin was shocked by the view in front of him.

His fathers body on the floor draped in blood, with his mother crouched over sobbing. Her cries were silent but Fin could still notice the gasps in between. Fin ran quickly but quietly back upstairs and hid under his dinosaur bed sheets, that once reminded him of his favourite animal, however in this moment they just reminded him of the inevitably thought of how everything goes to an end. Fin curled up into a ball and began mumbling to himself.

"This is all a dream. It's just a bad nightmare, Daddy's still alive." Fin kept telling himself, although deep down only being three years old, he still knew he was lying to himself. Fin's world changed forever that day; he realized that we only have a short time to live and spend with the people we love, so we better use it wisely.

First, the Millers lose their father to a mystery assassination, and next their son from a suicide. I can barely imagine how much pain the Miller's must be going through. To have their, brother, father and husband gone in a second is devastating to even think about, let alone grasp.

I barely slept at all last night, thinking about where Fin could've gone and what would be my first step into finding him. Eventually, somehow I found my way into sleep, hugging my pillow, hearing my tears hit my soft light blue comforter. Everything was silent, the world kept spinning except me. Everyone's day kept going on, nonetheless I stood there waiting for my next step. Drifting to sleep was my only escape from this misery that became reality. I could feel my whole world fade away.

Cold hard ground was all I felt, looking over my shoulder, I noticed the change of scenery around me. I wasn't in my bedroom anymore, instead I was in a room full of mirrors all around me, each wall covered with my reflection. I stood up, looking around me, notifying each and every mirror showing me. I stepped closer to one of the mirrors, and observed the fact that I was still in my Pjs. My shorts and long t-shirt shone off the mirror, as if their were a light source in the room I was in. In fact, maybe there was light. I swiftly turned to the sound of footsteps, and that was when I saw him. Finian. Standing in the corner of the enclosed room shining off bright light off his body, as if he were a flashlight.

My heart jumped, Fin was right there in front of me. I wanted to tell him everything, everything that's happened in the past couple of days without him. And most importantly, I wanted to tell him how much I've missed him. The pain I and many others have felt and how stupid he was to leave me without him.

"Finian! Is it you?" I stood there astonished hoping for an answer, that it was really him. That he came back for me. Fin stepped closer, the light drew away from him, showing his real colours and facial features.

"Everyone, they're full of blood. They're guilty." Fin preached, coming closer to me with each step he took.

"What the hell are you talking about," I stepped back with each step Fin took closer, sensing some hostility coming from him. This wasn't Fin, I could feel it, Fin would never try to make me feel unsafe or unsteady. "Fin, please what do you mean?"

"You'll see Cathy," Fin got so close to me to the point where I was against one of the walls with no more ways to possibly step back.

"And we can end them together..." With one blink, Finian pulled out a knife and swiftly threw it at one of the opposite walls, shattering glass everywhere.

I couldn't breathe, couldn't run. I tried to scream but my voice was replaced with the sound of my heart drumming.

"You and I, together alas." Finian pulled me up by my t-shirt up to his face. I could see each little imperfection from his dimples, the way his light brown eyebrows slightly slanted upwards. He looked how he did before he left except something felt off about him, but somehow I couldn't tell what it was.

I managed to gather all my strength, and pushed Fin away from me. Out of breath, I ran to the mirror where the knife clashed. I picked up the knife and held it out from me. "Make one move Finian," I wheezed. "And I won't hesitate. I know this isn't you, you're some psycho version of my best friend, and I won't give in." The sound of Finian laughing surprised me as he turned around, his body facing mine.

"Lets be honest," His voice said, slowly getting louder throughout each word said. "You don't have the guts to do that. You're too naive and that will forever be one of your greatest downfalls, Catherine." His voice was now at the top of his lungs, louder than I've ever heard him speak before. "You are too pure." His voice echoed throughout the room, banging against my ears.

All around me, each mirror started shattering, glass falling everywhere on the floor. As Finian started to come closer to me, that's when I woke up.

My eyes flew open to the sight of my own bedroom. None of that was real. I could hear the sound of my heart pounding as I sat up against my headboard. My breath shaking as I buried my head in my knees and cradled myself slowly. None of that was real, it's all just a bad dream Cathy, I thought to myself, advising myself to stay strong.

At the end of the day, the people we love, know, laugh with and surround our selves with are our fears. We can never avoid it. As long as we keep living, we are each others thoughts and worries and doubts; most of all, we are each others pain.