A CHOICE

Just being a freshman, Fin and I had no choice but to walk to school, hence us not having our drivers licence yet. As I began to walk the familiar streets of Greendale, I was shocked by the lack of people around me. Instead of the usual band kids and geeks, I was surrounded by thin air. The noise that used to fill the air made me feel uneasy, like something was missing. Positive there was nothing wrong, I continued my walk like normal. Walking without Finian felt extremely lonely, it made me realize how if I didn't have Fin throughout my life, how many friends would I even have? Thinking about this made me feel even worse, but it was a thought you couldn't ignore. Like a bolt of lightning in the sky, or rain hitting your skin, you couldn't ignore it, it's there lurking just like my thoughts about Finian that have followed me since the beginning of our friendship

My thoughts drowned out my focus so much I had no clue that I was at my high schools front door already. My chest moving up and down, as I struggled to contain my fear. The second thing I noticed was there was no students here. None of the jocks against the wall, or the theatre kids huddled on a bench or not even the classic popular girls who would all whisper gathered around each other.

I pulled the door handles that lead to the school but yet was suprised as the door wouldn't budge. How could this be? It was a Monday morning how could everyone possibly forget about school? The back doors, they must be open. Circling around the tall rectangular school, I finally reached my destination. Only one way to find out. As I pulled the schools back doors, I was sucessful into having it open unlike my experiences with the front pair. I walked in, hearing the sounds of my white slip-on shoes clash against the floor. It was so awfully silent, and I couldn't decide if that was a good thing or not. The class doors were all locked, except for the stair cases so I decided that would be wear I'd think this through. I comfortably sat under the stair case, with my light blue backpack placed against the wall. Scrolling through my phone, I searched up my schools website in dire search of an answer of the silence. First, Fin disappears and now my entire school? Finally, right in front of my eyes shining across the screen was my answer. A update posted on their website, I could've sworn I would've known if school was cancelled.

The update read: Good morning, students, staff and fellow guardians of our beloved learners. We have decided as of November 23rd, Friday night that this upcoming Monday school will be closed. This is decided based off the suicide of one of our loved students, Finian Miller. He will be greatly missed and sorrowed as we will take this day off to show respect for his family and friends who are and will be going through some tough times due to this. We, the Greendale high warriors will not let Finian's name silenced as throughout the next week we will have mental illness councellers guide us in an all-school assembly mandatory for all students. As we move forward as not just a school, but as a community we will forever remember Finian Miller's name. Have a thoughtful weekend, Warriors. Update posted: 6:21 AM, Saturday November 24th.

My screen was barely readable from all the drops of tears that had fallen. How could the school think this was okay to remember his name just for a day? Hiring mental health counsellers for one assembly didn't make a difference to our school at all. Everyone was dealing with something, like how supposedly Finian was and instead of raising support by doing multiple mental health campaigns they'll remember his story just for a day. I bet students were sitting at home right now, staring at their phone, thanking that Finian died so they had an extra day of school. Most probably don't even know him or wouldn't try to. They'll just remember him as the kid who gave them a day off.

Suddenly, it wasn't just my phone that was filled with tears but my whole shirt as well. The once silent dead air filled around me was now a sound of screaming sobs, echoing throughout the stair case like a single wave hitting a wall of rocks, noticeable among the other sounds. I've always known the feeling of drowning, but this was a totally different feelings. I felt like I was actually drowning, not in my own thoughts or numbness but in the way I couldn't breathe or hear. I was muffled and so were my thoughts.

Closing my eyes, I imagined nothing happened. As if Finian were right beside me like he's always been. Holding my hand, walking through the storm beside me. I needed something to numb my pain, quickly grabbing my bag and retrieving my sketch book and a basic black gel pen. I flipped the book open to a random page and began to let the pen move. Go, wherever on the page you want as I could barely see through the sight of my tears. My pen started to trace familiar patterns I'd once drawn. Except, I didn't bother to look closer because I knew exactly what I was drawing.

"Wow, this whole Finian death disappearance thing really hit you hard didn't it?" A deep voice said. I jumped at the sound and looked over my shoulder to see Keith Villin. His deep blue eyes following the lines on my page, creating Finian's recognized face drawn on the paper. Everyone knew Keith Villin, one of the biggest jocks in our school and more or less a player. Yet here he was, sitting right next to me, Catherine Santos who had never had a boyfriend in her life. My first guess would've been that he's here to bug me but his eyes told a different story. Consoling and soft, as if he was actually worried about me.

I wiped my tears and looked up at him, with me being 5'2 and him being 5'11 it was a very big difference even with us sitting. "Why are you here? Schools closed for today, you know?" I mumbled under my breath, still in despair.

"I'm more weirded out on why you are here," He chuckled. "I had a football practice but looks like I won't even be playing this semester or possibly even the rest of my life if I don't get that football scholarship to the University of Chapman. But, I shouldn't even be talking, I can't imagine what you must be going through."

I would normally keep myself from asking such a nosy question however I needed a way to change the topic quick. "What happened? W-why won't you get a scholarship? You're really good at football." I could feel the pink rush to my cheeks despite my pain.

"Well, apparently my english teacher had a chat with my football coach and I've been suspended by the team until' I can get my english grades back up. I mean, how bad could my essay been to have to go that far? I only got a 54% which means I passed so I don't get the deal at all. Mrs. Wallice is just so unfair at times." He groaned, slumping against the wall. I couldn't help but notice the way his chiseled jaw caved in even more when he talked, I could see it again as he noticed my glare and began to speak again. "Hey, I heard your grades are pretty good for a freshman. Didn't you win that halloween story contest or something? I read it and it was actually pretty good, better than anything I could ever write."

I could hear a slight chuckle under his breath. "Yeah, I did win that," I smiled, and was surprised how Keith really could change someones mood so quick, especially mine. "I wrote that and after Fin and I celebrated at Dave's diner." Instead of normally sobbing at this memory, I was grateful for it as it was one of the best nights I will always remember. Yet, I couldn't help but feel guilty as Kieth slouched a bit more against the wall, meeting my eye contact with that sympathy he showed.

"I'm really sorry about everything, although I didn't know Finian much, him and I did have a few words exchanged before, he just never seemed like the type of person to take his own life. And I know I could possibly never understand what you're going through, and I don't think we've ever talked before but I'm here if you want to talk," He looked down at his chest, avoiding eye contact almost like he was anxious talking to me. "It must be hard losing a boyfriend, you guys were extremely close. I was sure you guys were gonna grow old together, it shouldn't have been like this."

I looked down as well, realizing he thought Fin and I were dating all along. "We were never dating." I said, glancing up at him. "Him and I have been best friends since I can remember, everyone moves on from a dead boyfriend or girlfriend but best friends are different. There like twin flames, the people who get you the most not just because they are dating you but because they've always been there for you through thick and thin, not just when they want to be." I shook my head embarrassed from what I had announced. "Sorry that was a lot, It's just-"

I was surprised by Keith's voice cutting me off. "-Hard, I know. Listen, can I tell you something as long as you don't tell a soul?"

"Sure," I responded.

"Well, most people know me as Keith Villin the guy that plays with girls hearts but in reality, there's much more to me. I think having a quick fling rather a committed relationship is better because there's less of a chance you'll deeply lose someone you care about. My dad cheated on my Mom, soon after they got divorced. I lost two things that day, my dad and my innocence. I would stay up trying to become something, researching how to be successful at the young age of 10. I knew I was good at sports so I decided I would focus on Football, and once I'd become famous my Dad would realize what he lost." He paused then caught my eye contact, "I've worked my whole life to prove I was worth something to someone I've lost. I think that explains why I am the way I am. I don't know why I told you this, but it really feels good to get this off my chest." Keith looked back down. I saw hurt. I know he was holding this in for a while, I could see it in his eyes and his lips, the way they quivered as he spoke softly.

While Keith was looking down, in his own sorrows, I was thinking of ways I could help him, he needed this scholarship real bad, I could tell. In an instant, I had an idea.

"Keith, I'm so sorry to hear that. It must be really hard to bottle things up, especially that. Your secrets safe with me, I won't tell a soul." I held my pinky out, waiting for him to link. Which although it was normally an elementary school thing to do, it sworn I would never break the promise. "I think we can both help each other out," I continued. "I know, this might sound crazy but how about we make a deal? If I help tutor you so you can get your football scholarship, you'll join me in the search of Finian?" I looked up at him, waiting for approval.

He grinned, possibly the widest grin I've ever seen before.

"Let's do this." He said, holding his hand out.

I stared at his hand, reached out in search of an arm shake. Do you really want to do this, Catherine? Thousands of thoughts like that scattered around my mind, but all I could think about was Finian's smile and how I yearned to have him back.

"So... you gonna shake my hand and agree or is there a change of heart?"

And there it was, without thinking of what I've gotten myself into... I shook his hand. A lot of adventures awaited and I was not prepared the slightest.