Chapter 41.

"H-home?..." Claire spoke. She was confused and astounded when she heard such words. "B-but... wouldn't all the wounded need help? After this all ends, who will be there to help all the wounded ones?".

"Claire..." Gabriel called out her name. "Be honest with me, do you want to go home?".

At first, she furrowed her brows at such a question. "Who doesn't want to go home??". A pause. "Especially after shit like this...".

"It's done then, you're going back home," Gabriel replied.

Confusion was still written all over Claire's face. "Gabriel... did I do anything wrong for you to come to such a decision?...".

"No, Claire. You did nothing wrong..." he responded before lowering his gaze to the ground. "It was I who made a mistake.".

"What do you mean by that, Gabriel??" Claire inquired. "I thought we already clarified that you made a mistake by allowing yourself to feel something for me...".

Slowly, from the ground, he rose his gaze back up to her. "My first mistake was made by accepting you into my force, Claire. And I came to realise that when it was a bit too late...".

"You... you made a mistake for accepting me into your force?". Although she slowly began to piece together his words, making sense of them, she still proceeded on saying, "I'm still unsure what you mean...". Her eyes began to fill with tears.

"What I'm trying to say is that had I known the war was going to be this gruesome, that it was going to become this bad, I'd have sent you back home. Back home where you'd have been safe!... Free!" Gabriel replied, tensing his jaw at his words. Then, he thought back to the first day - recruiting day - on the base in Arittoria, when he saw Claire again. He felt his eyes fill with tears ever so slightly. "I'd have let you go... because it would have destroyed me if you would have gotten hurt. If you have gotten hurt because of me. It will destroy me if you get hurt, that's why I want you to stay close to me tomorrow.". A pause. "When I saw you... with your hands all bloodied and all the shards of glass stuck in your hand from when they bombed the medical centre back in Iarterre, it hurt me back then... And just thinking about it now, it still hurts me...".

Upon him mentioning such an occurrence, Claire lowered her gaze and looked at the palms of her hands. The scars from the shards of all the glass from that day all that time ago scattered her palm.

And then... she remembered Danielle, to the way she responded to her hands being covered in blood. It brought some tears to her eyes.

"And then..." Gabriel began once more, grabbing Claire's attention. "The... the pain I felt when I saw your brother, injured. When I saw him get shot... when I saw that it was too late for me to undo what had been done...". He took another break as he hitched a breath. "It broke my heart when I saw you spend your last moments with him... the sight of him passing in your embrace...".

'It broke me because it reminded me of... me...' Gabriel thought to himself before closing his eyes. 'Of when my older brother also died...'.

Opposite him, Claire clenched her hands into fists but also her jaw. She tried her hardest not to break down, but in the end, allowed a tear or two to roll down her face.

After a moment, she closed her eyes, before releasing the tension from her jaw and also from her hands. She let out a gentle sigh before wiping a couple of tears from her eyes.

"After this battle, I want you to be free, Claire..." Gabriel's voice trailed off.

To his words, more tears accumulated in Claire's eyes. She couldn't help but think of Gabriel being here alone. 'What if the war continues? What if there is more after this??' Claire thought to herself. Then, looking back at Gabriel, she spoke out, "I don't know why you want me to resign, Gabriel... W-what if... what if-". Before she could have continued, Gabriel cut her off.

"Is being in an army something you really want to continue doing, huh?!" He started. His tone was louder than Claire expected. "Does the idea of going into war like this, not knowing whether you'll make it out alive or not have some sort of an appeal to you? Huh???". A pause. "You even said it yourself. You want to go home, Claire. And I don't blame you!".

To his words that came with all their viciousness, Claire remained quiet. She lowered her head ever so slightly as more tears welled in her eyes.

"I've lost a lot of people who I cared about in the war, taken from me by the war...". A pause. Though he didn't notice, Claire did. She noticed how his tone had calmed down ever so slightly. He was no longer yelling. "They were killed so brutally... cold-heartedly.". He took a deep breath. "As you know, my brother and father have been killed in a war. Regardless of it not being this war, to me war is war. They both may have passed years ago... the wounds that were left behind, no matter how long has passed, no matter how much they try, they always fail to heal, Claire. Even now, the wounds feel so fresh, they feel just as painful...". Another pause had occurred in between his words. "I-I cannot stand the thought of losing another person whom I truly care about. I cannot stand the thought of losing you, Claire! That's why I want you to resign from the army.".

She looked at him, not moving a single muscle as she tried to process what he just said to her.

He took another deep breath. "Y-you don't deserve a job as rough as this, Claire. It's terrifying. If anything, I can see it right now in your eyes. You're scared, Claire. You're fearing for your life!...". A short break followed his words. "And... and it's all my fault...".

Instantly, she shook her head, tears spilling from her eyes. "N-no! No!" she retorted. And then, releasing a sigh and letting her head drop, out of courtesy to his words, she added, "No, Captain...".

Seconds passed before a wave of sadness hit her. She tried to grit her teeth as her hands formed into fists so as to not let it topple her down, but it was futile. She couldn't help but let herself cry.

And then, taking a deep breath, she looked up at her Captain. "Y-you may be right, I am scared... b-but I am willing to fight until the very end, Captain.".

"I told you not to call me that when we're alone, Claire..." he spoke out, his eyes filled with tears. "I want you to call me by my name.".

Claire furrowed her brows in confusion as she looked him into his eyes. "W-why?... No one else calls you by your real name, so why do I?".

"Because... b-because..." he began before looking down at the ground. And then, when he had enough strength to look back up at Claire, he continued. "Because you deserved none of this to happen to you, Claire. I caught the softness your gaze carried on our very first meeting, Claire.".

She let her face relax ever so slightly as her eyes remained looking into his. "I-in... in the base?" she asked.

He looked at her before shaking his head. "The first time I laid my eyes on you, in the bar, Claire. When that fucking bastard hit you.".

Claire was further taken back when she heard his words... She couldn't believe that he remembered such an occurrence, such an occurrence that happened nearly a year ago. "You... you remember it?".

He nodded, "Of course I do!". He paused. Clearing his throat, he continued. "It was because of that, that I didn't want to... give you a requirement of calling me only 'Captain'...".

Claire couldn't help but tilt her head ever so slightly, confusion still swirling in her mind. "I'm afraid I still don't get it...".

From her face, he looked down at the ground before releasing another right from his chest. "I didn't want you to become institutionalised, Claire," he began. "You still have your life ahead of you and I didn't want to get you accustomed to all of this military practice. Like I mentioned earlier, you don't deserve a job as rough as this..." he added before a moment of silence descended amongst them both. "I want you to go home, be free and catch up on all that you've missed...". He swallowed whatever was in his mouth before continuing. "You did more than what I could have asked for, and for that, I will be eternally grateful.".

Claire's head lowered as she bit her lip. Tears were rolling down her face against her will. 'He did all of this... he did all of this for me...'. Closing her eyes, she let a few more tears roll down her cheeks. Then, opening them up, she looked down at the jewellery that was still around her neck, tucked under her shirt. The necklace that Gabriel bought her. Pulling it out, she held it in her hand. Just by looking at it, she felt a wave of pain ripple through her body.

But then, through the sadness, through all her tears, she let a small smile grow on her lips. She felt her lower lip tremble with her chin before she gently enclosed her hands around the diamond of the necklace. Keeping it safe, protecting it, just like how Gabriel had protected her all along.

He saw her do all of this, he saw the way she looked at the necklace. The way she held it, how she handled it. It caused a small, melancholic smile to grow on his lips.

Then, taking in a deep breath, he spoke up, breaking the silence that was between them. "W should go to bed, Claire. It's getting late. And tomorrow... tomorrow, we have a long day ahead of us.". He was about to dismiss her and he took another breath. "Claire...".

She looked at him upon hearing him call out her name.

"No matter what you may think... I just wanted to let you know that none. None of this is your fault...". He paused. "Okay?".

She nodded to his words.

"You're free to go now. Good night.".

"Good night..." She began, looking at the floor. Then, looking up at him, a small smile formed on her lips. "Good night, Gabriel.".