Despair

It's been a week since I was adopted by Lady Myra, and my routine has remained the same: eat, eat, eat, and sleep. I wake up in the morning, eat breakfast, and do nothing until lunch. After that, I wait for dinner, and then I go to bed.

The long-awaited weekend finally arrived, the day that would decide my fate. If I ran away now, I could stay with another family, perhaps the couple that couldn't have a child. They were nice, but people around them just couldn't accept a commoner like me. I felt like yelling that I'm of noble blood, but I didn't.

My father was the fifth son of a noble family. When he was given his inheritance and estate, he squandered it due to bad spending habits. My mother was pregnant at the time. She took care of my father and me for my first six years. She taught me how to read and write. At that time, things were better, but not good. She got fed up at some point and left us. I act like she's dead because my father beat it into me.

I don't resent her; I don't care anymore. But sometimes, I wonder why she even stayed to start with. Father still had drinking problems and bad spending habits when she was there. I won't deceive myself and say that there was a time when things were better. There was no such time; my father had always been a drunk.

Now that I'm at a life-changing decision junction, I don't know what to do. I heard that the 'witch' died around the time I was twelve, but the validity of that information is still a mystery. It was during my years of torture, so I didn't care to find out how true it was. If that's true, then staying would be wiser, but I don't know if she won't be like them.

I kept thinking as we walked through the same paths, received the same stares and whispers, and approached the place I ran away from. I remember when she went after me; I was terrified then, but she turned and left without saying a word.

As we got closer, my heart pounded in my chest. Should I run? Should I leave? I don't want to be deceived by people's kindness again, and I don't want to throw away opportunities either.

"Do you need anything?" she asked, and I looked up. She was looking at me. Her sapphire eyes were compelling, and the way her dark blue hair shone under the sun brought out her beauty. I shook my head, making a decision that I wasn't sure if I'd regret or not, but I needed to find out.

I walked into my room and sat on the futon, looking around the room. Things played out exactly the same way. She went after me but left without saying a word.

I walked out when I heard footsteps and was met with dark eyes. My father.

"What are you doing here?" he asked. "Don't tell me you were kicked out. I can't refund the money now," he shouted.

"I…"

"Did you run away?" he asked, and I nodded. "Are you trying to annoy me? Why would you do that? Do you want to get me in trouble?" he kept yelling. "Get out," was the last thing that made sense.

I walked out and looked around the cottage. It would take him just two days to come up with his next business idea: selling me.

I woke up under a tree and looked up at the cottage. A week of eating good food and staying clean, and my body was already used to it. I was so hungry I could barely move. I just have to wait till tomorrow to be sold again.

I slept through the day yesterday and half of today but was dragged out of my sleep by my father's shout.

"Hey, get up," he shouted. I don't think he knows my name. "I'm going to give you to another person since the witch isn't interested in you," he said. "All you have to do is come back after a few days. Don't worry; it's out of town, so you don't have to be scared," he continued. "I'll wait for you at the gate to the city, so come back after two days," he instructed, and I nodded.

He sold me to the first family, and it was the same. I was treated nicely, but the family was just looking for a girl that they'd sell off to another noble family.

Just as planned, I ran away and returned with my father. He was so happy he smiled more than I've ever seen him smile before.

"Tell me, kid, is there anything you need?" he asked.

"I…" I tried speaking, but I kept shut. I wanted to say 'don't sell me again,' but I knew that would be setting a trap for myself. "I want to eat something delicious," I said instead.

"Consider it done," he said, patting my head.

The next two weeks were the same. I was sent to different houses, and I ran away over and over. I was fed up with it by the end of two weeks. None of the people treated me well enough for me to stay, and I was tired of going to those places, so I ran away.

I woke up very early and walked out wearing the dress I was wearing when I first ran away. Walking through the lonely woods was scary, but I persevered. I was getting tired and hungry, but the mansion did not seem like it was getting closer.

I heard a low growl, but it wasn't my stomach. I turned with shaky legs, and the eyes of a wolf were looking at me. My body stiffened as I took slow steps away from it. It eyed my every movement, preparing to pounce on me. I turned around and ran for my life; it followed me with such speed it felt impossible. The gates to the mansion came into sight at the right time, but they were closed. I ran to it and banged on the gate. The wolf ran after me and jumped to pounce on me, but I dodged it. It hit its head on the gate but recovered immediately and came after me. I was devising a plan on how to escape when someone said,

"Max, what are you doing?" I turned and looked at the boy with silver-white hair and grey eyes standing behind the gate. The wolf walked to him, and he patted it on its head; he's petting the beast. "Who are you?" he asked.

"I…" I started, but a thought crossed my mind. Did she adopt another child? "I'm here to see Lady Myra."

"Why do you want to see her?" he asked.

"Is she here?" I asked.

"No, she went out, but I'd pass your message along to her," he said.

"No need, thank you," I replied, turning to leave.

"Who do I tell her visited?"

"Livi, tell her Livi was here," I said, waving him off. I made the decision to leave and find out if anyone would be nicer, so why am I crying?

I walked back to my room and sat by the corner, letting the tears fall. She replaced me quickly; it's really painful knowing that I could be replaced so easily. Maybe I shouldn't have left. If I stayed, then I wouldn't have to be sold over and over again.

Did she go out to finalize the adoption? I need to stop crying. Since I didn't change that, I just have to stay with the next family so that I won't have to go to that family. That would be the best thing to do. Anywhere is better than that torture house. I should have stayed with the family that wanted to marry me off for power. That would have been better than that place. I've probably been replaced there as well.

I wiped my tears and lay down on my futon. A rat ran out from under it and into one of the holes by the corner. I sighed and closed my eyes. Father will get angry and hit me tomorrow for running away, and I'll still have to continue going to different places.

I don't want to. I want to tell him that I hate going to those places, but I'm scared of how he'd react. I'm scared that he'd get angry because I know that he'd get angry. I hate those places, but I hate it here more.

I'll just sleep for now and wait for the inevitable. It was stupid of me to think that I could just run away and go back whenever I felt like it. I must have hurt all those people by doing that, even though it was for two days; they had hoped that their ambition would come to pass.