Prologue

(Ryan POV)

One for doing everything wrong

Two for everything being my fault

Three for being pathetic

Four for being so damn stupid

And some more just for the hell of it

You're probably wondering what I'm doing. Well I self harm.

No I don't cut or bruise myself, I burn myself with whatever I can. Right now I'm using an old lighter I found lying around my supposed "home"

BANG! BANG! BANG!

"Ryan you dumbass bitch, you left the stove on and now our food is burnt!", I hear my mother yell banging on my locked bedroom door.

Oh shit, I haven't even introduce myself. Well my name is Ryan Smith, and before you ask if I'm a boy, no I'm not I'm a girl. But besides that, I'm just some stupidly pathetic teenager who's life is a living hell at home and at school, and well this is my story I guess you could say.

Anyways I get up and open the door.

"I'm so sor-", I go to apologize and I get slapped in the face.

"You're so fucking stupid, you can't even turn the fucking stove off! You better be lucky that I was fucking home or else you would've fucking burned our house down and you would've died!", she yells in my face.

Would it be so bad if I died, I mean it's not like anybody would actually care. Nobody would miss me, nobody would even fucking notice that I was gone!

"Would that be such a bad thing?", I ask myself before I feel. A punch being thrown at my face. The punch caused me to stumble backwards and put one over my eye.

"I asked you a goddamn question! I except a fucking answer you pathetic mutt!", she yelled at me stalking towards me.

"I-I'm s-s-sorry.", I stutter out feeling stupid for it.

My mom crouches down in front of me and grabs me by the collar of my shirt.

"I-I'm s-s-sorry!", she mimics me and a high pitched voice.

"You think fucking sorry is gonna fix our food, hmmm?!", she asks violently shaking me, I shake my head

"N-no m-ma'am.", I say lowly

"That's what I fucking thought!", she said dragging me out of my room. She walks into the hallway and throws me against a wall.

She then starts kicking me anywhere she could. I start to cough up blood and I start to see black and white dots.

She stops kicking me and picks me up by my throat.

She goes towards the stairs and throws me down them.

"Now clean up your fucking mess! And make sure you clean up that one to!", she yells gesturing to my face. I nod and let out a whimper of pain.

I get up after multiple attempts and limp over to the kitchen cleaning it up.

After about 2 hours of painful cleaning I do my best and limp up the stairs to my bathroom. I look in the mirror wanting to cry even more than what I already am.

I had a black swollen eye, a busted lip, a huge gash on my cheek, and I can't even continue on.

But if you're thinking this is bad you gotta another thing coming for ya, just wait until my dad gets home. My father is the worst part of my hell. He's the main reason why I want to kill myself, the main reason why I burn and have so many scars from it.

But.... But everytime I was fixing to kill myself before... Something kept holding me back, like as if I was being held back by a person or something.

But well, I highly doubt it's anybody cause I'm a worthless and pathetic piece of shit, am I right?

Yep, of course I am, I mean of I wasn't nobody would all me that.

Whatever, I guess I should get ready for bed since tomorrow is Monday.

I put my pjs on and limp to my somewhat bed. pulling the covers over me and falling asleep