Mokapo ya Liboso
Gazing at the sunset, i place my glass silently on the table.
The once bitter pill to swallow is now nothing but a custom. It tastes like acceptance…sometimes victory, sometimes loss.
But Every time, the memories never fail to remind me of what I really am
The anxiety, always there…
clammy hands something i can never get rid off.
I close my eyes and count …one hundred….ninety nine…ninety eight…
15 years ago
,, Niekese , bomba azongi" the alarm in my mom's voice is too familiar for me to hesitate ,,bomba azongi Niekese, sala mbangu mwana"…
I leap up from the hard uneven floor i was sleeping on , a reflex my body is too familiar with
we don't have beds anymore, Father sold everything because of the war.
He used to say the future held more riches than what we were holding onto in the present .
I used to believe him before…before he turned into this..
His Military Boots heavy against the floor, soon they will be heavy against Mama's ribs, Stomach and Head.
If I'm lucky i might escape with a few scratches myself.
,,wapi ndumba oyo"
He is always Mad, I can't remember the last time i saw him any other way.
,,yango mobali ya ndaku aye na ndaku pe biloko ya kolia eza te?"
My heart is beating outside my chest. I'm scared and afraid, for myself but mostly for my mother.
,, Okoki kobombana na ngai te"
The whole house stinks of him.
Alcohol , Sweat and Blood.
In that Moment i pray hard, that Mama doesn't come out Today
Just this day i hoped, that the beatings would stop.
All i hear next minute is glass breaking
The only utensils we owned along with the basin come crushing down
Holding my hands firmly, i pray harder…don't come out Mama…
please God don't let her come out.
,,ozali mwasi ya tina te" turning the whole house upside down like a rabid dog
,,nakolongola mwana na yo ya mwasi , nakosala ye mwasi"
I knew he would do exactly what he said.
He meant it
I saw how he looked at me, Mama saw it too.
She knew it
,,nazali awa, tika mwana na ngai ya mwasi libanda ya likambo oyo"
From here, this could only get worse.