Chapter 10

"What?"

"Oh." Roy blinked, seeming to have been surprised with his own surprise. "No, it's nothing," he said. The lie was a light thing from his mouth, so casual that a non-fan would have seen it as nothing. He even waved a hand in dismissal to emphasize this. "Something just came to mind, it wasn't what you said."

I didn't really believe that. But I'd let him get away with it still; it's not like it was my place to pry. So I shrugged, and said, "Well, okay."

There was the clinking of utensils as MJ and Roy got to finishing their food, and a low, soothing sound as Roy happily hummed to himself. He was cute like this, his easy satisfaction at having gotten away with his little lie giving off the vibe of a naïve child regardless of the age of the body.

I didn't look at him, even if I wanted to. Even if I so badly wanted to see how cheeky his smile must look.

Instead, I brought out my phone. I was a fast eater, regardless of the setting—a habit formed from wanting to be done eating for whenever there was a live event from Roy.

Even if he wouldn't suddenly go live in this moment given how he was still with us, it was a habit that couldn't be stopped. Yet I had barely managed to scroll through the first half of my social media feed when MJ said,

"He's surprised that you could be so blunt about saying you love him."

When I looked over at Roy to try and see if I could figure out the truth from his face, I found him already wincing. A man who was an actor by occupation, who could be so expressive even outside of work that it made one wonder on how natural it all was—how could he be so precious? To MJ, he said, "That was unnecessarily blunt of you, don't you think?"

"Blunt my ass," MJ scoffed. She's had her moments of being crass with me, but there truly was a big difference in her when we're around Roy—the greater propensity for sarcasm was undeniable. It was beginning to make me wonder just how much more she could change, if they were alone and I wasn't here.

"I don't want her overthinking it as something else, something bad," MJ adds, big eyes narrowed into glaring slits, "so explain, Roy Hirsch."

"You sound like my mother."

"I pity her for having to deal with you all the time."

He gasped in disbelief. "Hey? I'm a good son!"

"Somehow, I doubt that."

"Haha..."

Both Roy and MJ looked over at the sound of my laugh, making me twitch. Damn, I should've kept my mouth shut. "Don't mind me...I just thought that the two of you were being cute."

"I know I'm cute," MJ huffed. Her smile spoke of pride, and it was well-deserved. "Him, though?"

"I'm cute in my own way," Roy said sagely, a hand resting on his wide chest. Somehow, I found myself thankful that he didn't wear a tighter t-shirt, or else I was sure I'd spontaneously combust from how fit he was. To me, he asked, "Isn't that right, Fia?"

I smiled at him.

"Yes, that's true."

Roy brightened up significantly at my words, those turquoise eyes of his practically sparkling under plain lighting. It was interesting how he could look so adorable despite being taller and more muscled than me, just enough that I couldn't keep my eyes away.

"...I can't believe you two."

I turned my smile MJ's way. "You did insist on setting up this meeting. No regrets, MJ."

"Ugh, you're right."

The laugh that left my mouth was soft, just a small huff of an exhale. We'd just finished breakfast, and she was already acting tired—how much longer would she last when she'd planned for us to spend the full day together?

My smile sharpened when I realized it.

"You can't leave us halfway, MJ," my smile in contrast to the bright threat in my words. "You promised. I'm not going to accept any excuses of you being too tired of us."

MJ merely smiled at the implied threat. "I'll keep that in mind."

I wrinkled my nose at her, then turned to Roy. Roy, who seemed to blink in surprise at having my attention again. I told him, "It's not that surprising that I love you in some way, right? Not in a romantic way or anything. Just as a fan, who admires your work."

Whatever his awkwardness was earlier, it seemed to melt away when I explained my feelings for him. His smile softened, and his shoulders loosened up enough to be noticeable. His discomfort made sense, thinking about it; he was probably used to people mistaking their admiring love for romantic love, and pushing boundaries given that misunderstanding.

Poor guy. It was the usual price of fame and success, true, but that didn't have to mean it was something he could be easily comfortable with.

"Ah, I feel a little sorry that you had to explain that much," he said, smile turning sheepish as he scratched at his cheek. Again, I found myself smiling at seeing one of his nervous habits live. "But, I'm grateful for your honesty."

"It's no problem, really. I can get why that kind of thing would make anyone uncomfortable, so it's good to clear it up early. Besides," I laughed, "I'm not really interested in romance in general, so."

He cocked his head to one side. "Really?"

"Mm."

"I see," he said, nodding. "There's something like that after all."

My smile trembled, and I felt my insides warm at the understanding that I could feel in his voice. I was used to people not getting it, used to people saying, "You're still young, there's still a chance in the future," that it was a breath of fresh air to have someone not question it for once.

It was no wonder. Roy truly was that much of a good person, after all.

"That's why, I admire you and your wish for a fateful love," I admitted, looking away so I didn't have to meet Roy's gaze. "It's really amazing."

"Don't you think it's childish?"

I couldn't help it. I looked over at Roy with a disbelieving frown, feeling hurt for his sake that he'd consider—or that anyone else would consider—his desire for love childish in any way. "No, it's not. I think it's sweet."

He smiled at me. My heart, once more, jumped up with enough force that it felt like it was stuck in my throat. Damn, his smile really was too charming. To me, he said, "Thank you."

I shook my head. "That's nothing to thank me for. Isn't that just normal, to think of something like that as precious? The only people who'd consider that kind of love childish are people who feel bitter from past break-ups."

"Aha, maybe," he laughed, shaking his head. "I get it if their experience with love has been terrible. I've never really had my first love before, so..."

"You've been waiting a long time," I said in awe. It wasn't like I ever had my first love either, but it was a surprise to think of Roy not having anything like that. I could get it if it was a media answer, but it was just us—it wasn't like MJ and I would leak something this small to the press.

(So someone this romantic could have gone this long without falling in love with anyone yet?)

I said, "I hope you find them at the right time."

His smile brightened up by so many megawatts that I had to turn my gaze away. Jeez.

"I hope so too. And that if I do find them, they'd want my love the same way."

The smile returned to my face at the wistfulness in his voice. Though his words might sound ridiculous to an outsider given how attractive Roy is in general, I could understand it a little. No matter how accomplished, how attractive, how good you are as a person, it's still difficult to see how well you're viewed by people outside of yourself. Even if Roy is loved by millions, it wouldn't be so odd for him to have his doubts too.

Still, that didn't mean I wanted him to keep thinking that way. That's why, regardless of any shame I felt, I told him,

"I think they will. It's difficult not to love you, Roy."

He laughed then. Nervously, shyly, the laugh that I'd often heard whenever he got awkward about receiving too many compliments at once. It was cute then, and it was infinitely cuter now. "You think too highly of me."

Maybe. But then, I'm a fan, aren't I? "I think of you just enough as a fan, though."

Again, he laughed, but a little less awkwardly this time. "Ah, right, there's that."

There was a sudden scraping of wood on tiles, jerking me out of our relaxed conversation. When I looked up, it was to the sight of MJ smiling at me with barely hidden glee. She said, "If you both are done, we still have an itinerary to follow. Unless you want to just stay here and talk?"

"Well," Roy trailed off, peeking over at me cutely. "What do you think?"

Ah, damn it. He's so cute, how does anyone even resist? And I'm not even the type to get attracted to men, at that.

I stood up, and mentally shook off the chaos going around in my head.

"Let's go."