Never Meet Again

"Today, the final members of the Indian Cricket Team have been announced for the upcoming Test Series against Sri Lanka. Kabir Khan, the son of Atiq Khan, from Srinagar has been selected as …," the Anchorman read. I was sure I heard it correctly, but I could not believe my ears. Was it really true? I kept asking myself. Atiq Bhai would be so happy up in the heavens right now.

Atiq Khan was the best friend of Suhail Bhai, my eldest brother, and frequently visited our home. We had lived in a multi-cultured Society, several and various communities co-existed happily, free from the stereotypical burden of bias and prejudice.

There was an Idgah behind our house, which was an entirely gated big ground. On Id, a large number of people attended in reverence and performed the ritual of namaz; many came with their young children. The boys would be dressed sharp and handsomely. However, it was the girls that took your breath away; little beautiful angels draped in colorful vibrant dresses, reflecting such beauty which would put a bride to shame. Only girls of age upto five or six years were permitted to attend Idgah with their fathers. Regardless, the elder girls were no less fussy about their appearance, and Id was a day of celebration for everyone.

People in the neighborhood gathered up on their roofs to watch the festivities that accompanied Id. One can easily imagine the hustle and bustle taking place in a house where the children are excitedly getting ready to go to Idgah to perform namaz. I need not give too detailed a picture, as anyone who's familiar with the works of Sh. Munshi Prem Chand, and particularly the story Idgah, commands sufficient insight of the concept.

Atiq Bhai was neither tall nor dark, but he was a very handsome man. He was very fair, and had delicate features like an Arab Sheikh, who are breathtakingly handsome. I believe they are more appealing than a macho. On Id, Atiq Bhai would bring sewaiyan (a sweet delicacy made of milk and dry fruits), and give me Idi. My mother, in turn, would make sure to bring gifts for him and his entire family when we would visit their house in the evening.

Suhail Bhai was elder to me by fifteen years. After his birth, my parents were unable to conceive for a long time, and they had almost lost hope, and it was then that I was born. Naturally, I was much pampered, and always got what I wanted.

When one of my cousins, Semant, got married, they decided to go to Mussoorie for their honeymoon. Suhail Bhai was close to Semant Bhai, and it was agreed that he would go to drop them till Mussoorie. While I was not originally included in the plan, but I insisted to accompany them, and after much reluctance, Suhail Bhai agreed. On the very same day, Kamna Bhabhi (Atiq Bhai's wife) visited our home and, while having a chat, mentioned to us that, "Atiq is going to Nainital with some of his friends."

We reached Mussoorie, and once Semant Bhai and Bhabhi had checked into the hotel, Suhail Bhai and I went to explore the hill station called the "Queen of Hills". The hill station was quiet and peaceful, because it was the off-season, and even though monsoon was just going away, the weather was very pleasant and there was wetness in the air. A lot of waterfalls flowed actively, and it was a beautiful sight to behold.

Suddenly, we saw Atiq Bhai emerging from a narrow lane that was winding inside towards the city. Excitedly, Suhail bhai called out to him, and we thought he'd be surprised to see us, but instead, his face dropped when he saw us. A boy, younger than Aqit Bhai, was with him, and he also looked at us. Suhail Bhai shouted, "Hey Atiq, Hello!? How are you here? Kamna said you were going to Nainital. What a surprise?!" Atiq Bhai responded guardedly, and curtly, as if he was caught red-handed in the middle of a crime. He hesitated as he spoke, "Just like that. I am in a hurry, if you would excuse me." After having said that, without even waiting for a reply, he took off with the young boy with him, leaving us behind, bewildered by his behavior.

For a second there, Suhail Bhai looked offended, but then a moment later, he started chuckling and told me that we should keep moving. However, I could not forget it. I was offended by the way Atiq Bhai had reacted at meeting us. Atiq Bhai was such a regular visitor to our house, mother would sometimes get exasperated by it, "He is here, literally, from morning till the night. Why does he not go to his own home?" However, today, he behaved as if we were strangers and as if there was no connection at all.

When we came back home, I told mother all about what had happened in Mussoorie. Mother looked worried and disappointed, "That is why I don't like him coming here and spending so much time with you children." I, personally, was very disappointed with Atiq Bhai, because I had idolized him, but now I was facing such a shock. I couldn't help but think that Atiq Bhai was having an affair with some girl at the hill station, and that boy must have been that girl's brother. It might even be possible that he had taken another wife. Poor Kamna Bhabhi. My mind would get tired by these thoughts. Atiq Bhai didn't visit our house for a while after the incident, and I thought it was for the best, since he must realize that he had already lost any respect for him in our eyes, after the Mussoorie incident.

After a long time, my Bhabhi and I encountered Kamna Bhabhi at the market, and upon her insistence, we went to her house. On the way, Kamna Bhabhi told her about a certain cousin of hers, "My Khala (Aunt) had come here to find her son, who has fallen into bad company."

I asked, "What do you mean by that?"

"He has been living with a doctor," is all that Kamna Bhabhi said. I was later told by my Bhabhi that Kamna Bhabhi meant that her cousin was moving in the homosexual circle. I was perplexed to hear that. I was surprised why Kamna Bhabhi would share such an embarrassing detail about his cousin's homosexuality with us. I asked mother about it, but she firmly said, "We don't know what the actual details are, and only Kamna knows best. We should not assume anything, lest it become gossip. We might very well end up hurting someone close to her in the process. It's best to just forget about it." I did as I was told, and forgot about it, for the time being.

I got married and shifted to another city with my husband. After a long time, when I was visiting my mother, I inquired about Atiq Bhai.

Mother told me, "They have shifted to Kashmir. Kamna hails from Kashmir, and that is the reason they have shifted there now."

I was surprised to find that out, "What about the business?"

"Closed everything. We were also very surprised when they shifted. They did it in such a hurry, and the most surprising thing is, ever since then, they have not been in touch. Anyway, what can we do? Suhail was upset for a while, but then even he moved on with his life."

Life was going on as usual. My husband and I were visiting Kashmir, and while we were in Srinagar, I saw Kamna Bhabhi. We had made advance bookings over the internet, simply based on unverified reviews, and once we reached the hotel, it was a deserted house inhabited by only a single caretaker. Despite the lovely neighborhood, the hotel itself looked like a haunted house, and we were left with no option but to leave the place and find abode elsewhere.

While we were thinking of where to go next, I heard the noise of opening of the gate to the adjoining house. Two children came out and started to look for something. Perhaps they were looking for their ball which I could see in a corner. I picked up the ball and moved to give it to the child, just when I heard the child shouting with excitement, "Auntie, how are you here?" The child ran inside looking for his mother. I was shocked to realize that, in fact, I not only knew but recognized the child. It was Kabir, Kamna Bhabhi's son. Just then, I found myself face-to-face with Kamna Bhabhi, whom Kabir had dragged out of the house by hand, "Look Ma, Aunt Aliya is here!"

Kamna Bhabhi radiated the same beauty as ever, but something in her eyes had withered and once could feel sorrow oozing out of her personality. I was immediately surprised to find her there, not only to meet her in the first place, but also since it was a posh area right next to the Dal Lake, and the house that she came out of was big and beautiful. I remembered that my mother had told me, "Kamna's father is an affluent business man in Kashmir, dealing mostly in Pashminas. Atiq would be helping his father-in-law, since the latter's health is failing now." However, I felt betrayed; Atiq Bhai hadn't bothered to keep in touch, even with Suhail Bhai. Now, all of a sudden, I was face-to-face with Kamna bhabhi.

Kamna Bhabhi greeted me joyously, while hugging me. She pulled me aside, and said, "You have changed so much. You look so pretty. Please, invite your husband, to come inside the house, give us a chance to host you." The manner, in which Kamna Bhabhi said this, was nothing but sweet and polite, but I had my doubts about her. How could I suddenly trust someone like that, who had not even bothered to ask after us these last couple of years. I asked my husband to look for a cab to take us to a different hotel, and that I would return shortly. Anyway, Amir himself was already busy looking for another hotel online, and was happy to be free from any hospitality from someone, who was an absolute stranger to him.

I followed Kamna Bhabhi inside the house, and asked about Atiq Bhai. At this, she took me aside in a room, and brought me face to face with a man sitting in a wheelchair. When I hesitated, Kamna Bhabhi beckoned me close, "Come, Aliya. Come near, this is your Atiq Bhai." Her words were trailing behind in my ears, as I hesitantly moved forward to get a closer look at the man in the wheelchair. That man was, but a shadow, of Atiq Bhai. His face was ashen with sunken eyes, and his beautiful locks were no longer present on his now balding scalp. The man, who was once breathtakingly handsome, was nowhere to be seen. I think he tried to recognize me and focused his eyes on my face, but was unable to. I spoke to him gently, "Atiq Bhai, it is I, Aliya …" He responded with incoherent mumblings, and saliva was let loose from his mouth and his face flushed suddenly. Kamna Bhabhi shouted for Rahim, a servant, and scolded, "Rahim, come and change Bhaiya. He has wet himself again."

She took my hand, and told me, "Let us go to another room, while Rahim changes Atiq."

I could hear the noise of the children playing outside on the porch. With great difficulty, I asked Kamna Bhabhi, "What happen to Atiq Bhai?"

Kamna Bhabhi took a moment to look at me before she spoke, "He has AIDS. We came here as soon as we came to know about his illness. We left without telling anyone, even you people, in the hopes that we might get some treatment for him, but nothing worked. You have seen how his condition has deteriorated, and it is already in its final stages. He has ruined my and my children's lives. You saw how he could not even recognize you."

She was wrong. He might not have been able to say anything, but I was certain that he had recognized me, but unable to fully recollect.

"How did all of this happen? How did he contract … the disease? Was it due to some infected syringe, maybe the hospital made a mistake …" I tried to speak, but my voice kept breaking off. The perfect Atiq Bhai, that I had once known, was now reduced to this condition. It could not be possible; surely there was some mistake or carelessness in handling the disease. The little girl in me, who had idolized Atiq Bhai, was not ready to accept the reality, and I kept repeating myself over and over. In the process, I made the mistake of pushing Kamna Bhabhi to the edge of her patience, so much so that, she simply could not handle it and snapped at me, "You think he is a saint, don't you, but he is not! You don't know anything, do you? Did you even hear what I said? He is the one who put all of us in this situation. He ruined my life," and suddenly she broke down. I could hear what she was saying, but I couldn't understand. What point was there in blaming a critically ill person, and why would he be responsible for the miseries of her life, except that he was already on his deathbed and was going to leave her alone in this life.

Pehaps, Kamna Bhabhi was afraid of the future, to be alone. I hurriedly got up, and thought it best to leave. I moved towards the door. She was embarrassed at her outburst and apologized, "Sorry, you see, the pressure becomes too much. Sometimes, I become weak. I am really happy to see you again. I feel a little better, after having spoken to you." She was on the verge of breaking into tears again, and I couldn't tolerate it. I took her hand in mine, and caressed it gently, "You are very brave, bhabhi. I am so proud of you." As I said goodbye, she suddenly said, "Do you remember that one day, I was telling you about a cousin of mine, who was sleeping with other boys? It was … in fact … your Atiq Bhai. I wish to god, if there is another life, that we never meet again, and we never cross path in any other life. I wish this so dearly."

As I walked down the winding street towards the main road, I felt devastated, I saw Kabir coming up, while holding the hand of an elder gentleman. It was perhaps his grandfather, Kamna Bhabhi's father. Kabir proudly informed me, with a lit face, "Aunt Aliya, did you know that I have been selected for coaching sessions for cricket, and if I play well, I might play with the Indian Cricket Team one day, just like Sachin Tendulkar. I want to be like Sachin, one day." I couldn't stop my tears from flowing out, and I tightly hugged him in my embrace. Sensing my anxiety, Kamna Bhabhi's father said, "Don't be so disappointed with life child; if it takes from one hand, it will give you double from the other. Kabir and his sister, Rafia, are very bright children, and I am here right now to look after them." These words of comfort lifted my heart, but I still couldn't help being worried, "Kamna Bhabhi ..."

He assuredly said, "She might be feeling betrayed, but it is not all black and white in the life. Sometimes, it is nature who decides our preferences, but humans tend to buckle down to the pressure of society. These wrong decisions ultimately affect everyone around us, but perhaps, that is what life is. Don't worry, child, and leave everything in God's hands."

I said goodbye to them, and looked for Amir and the cab. Kamna Bhabhi's words kept ringing in my head, 'Never meet again'.