139. Distance Between Us

A slap across the face was nothing compared to the heavy and incessant throb in his heart, that no matter how much he'd been feeling responsible for acting so callously, the open-handed blow across his cheek would never make up for the amount of guilt he felt. He'd also been under constant scrutiny and underwent repetitive gruesome interrogations the last couple of months yet still, he continually felt stained and dirty. 'I'm in so much pain this is hardly nothing.'

"I despise the fact that I don't know whether to hate you or not! I should be able to feel some form of rage towards you for what you did yet every time I remember bits of what happened, all I see is your wicked sister!"

"I'm sorry." <i>'Her hands must be dry. Her second smack doesn't hurt as the first... I feel a scratch too probably from a hangnail. Would she feel embarrassed if I asked her if she was drinking enough water?'</i>

"Is there anything else you can say apart from sorry? All this time you've kept quiet without a word causing me to assume you just up and left right after we'd made plans to elope. All those years... Locked up like some prisoner? I was so mad at you for leaving!"

Her feet apart, Mijin waddle walked back to her bed and sat down, lurching to one side. "Tell me Hajin, what I'm I supposed to do with my rage? Where should I channel it then? You should be cursing me out for never looking for you or doubting you." Pointing at the man in front of her with her index finger, Mijin yelled, "Since when did you begin holding your tongue? Huh? Why did you accept being locked up?"

<i>'What does she want me to say? I don't know anymore. I thought I was protecting you if I hid from father for a while only to find out three years later, my plan had been an illusion?'</i> "I don't know anything at all..."

"Aaaaagh!" Mijin screamed then covered her face, lurching to the opposite side on the hospital bed. Her back ached that she had to keep switching sides to balance the shift in her center. She hated being pregnant. Her joints hurt, making a cracking sound from a little movement, the change in her stance as her pelvis grew wider, a shift in posture and the constant downward pressure that she continually felt as her belly grew larger and larger. "It's still not enough! I'm still so angry!"

"You can hit me all you like. Just let me scent nourish you as I'm supposed to."

"With what?" Mijin took her hands from her face and looked at the man responsible for her condition. "You barely have anything left..."

"You are soon to deliver."

"So what? You're only doing this so you can get better! Isn't that the reason why I'm here too?"

"I'm really very sorry..."

Mijin threw another slap across Hajin's face and this time, tore at the end of his lips. It felt hot as he licked onto the blood that dripped from the open cut and as he tilted his head to look back at Mijin, he noticed the rise and fall of her shoulders. She was fuming in rage.

"Do not say another sorry or else I'm going to end up killing you. Your sorry won't revert my life to how it was before you and your sister messed it up!"

"I-I tried to warn you before that we should have left earlier... Y-you could have graduated later..."

"And then what? Survive on love? How were we going to pay our bills then? With love? Were we going to eat love? Sleep on love? Your parents monitored all your expenses! You are still as naive as you were then Hajin but you know what pissed me off the most, you knew of your father's plans to marry you off but didn't tell me!"

"That was why I wanted us to elope earliest, but then Mora found out. Either way, you've been working very hard I hear and I'm happy for everything you've accomplished without me."

"You are stupid, stupid enough to have fallen for your sister's charms Hajin. You don't deserve happiness. You watched for years your sister grow into a monster but didn't raise an alarm. How many people might have died because of your silence... Would you know?"

<i>'But I did... They told me to keep my mouth shut and like a fool, I obeyed. It wasn't my fault. I tried to understand everyone in my family... I didn't choose to be born into that family it just happened. I feel dirty and disgusted by myself. Why won't anyone understand me? </i>

<i>Shut up will you! </i>

<span><i>I just want to stop existing so that everyone would leave me alone... I've lost it all... This is too much to bear... too frustrating to endure... Too empty and lonely...'</i></span>

Mijin felt her back growing stiffer the more she sat down and opted to walk around the room. This was the fifth time Hajin had been brought to her for scent nourishment for the sake of her pregnancy. Their exchange in scents had been monitored however, Hajin never revealed that Mijin had kept her scent to herself. Whenever asked, he'd lie and say nothing more. However, this was the first time no doctor nor nurse had been around to monitor that exchange.

Her arms around her waist as if to offer support to her back, she paced about the room. "You covered my eyes and made me forget while you dealt with our reality. You should have known it was going to end up this way. You knew exactly who your sister was and made me befriend her. My life would have been better if I'd never met her."

"Do you regret us being fated?"

"Yes."

<i>'Surprisingly, her answer doesn't hurt me as much as I'd thought it would...but what kind of face should I make upon hearing her response? She says 'yes' with so much conviction while looking at me without batting an eye.'</i>

"Nothing good came out of it. Besides, I ended up loving someone else after you left. Perhaps being fated is not a big a deal as I'd thought."

<i>'Being alive is so painful...'</i> "Having to hear you say that with the expression you are wearing offers me a sense of relief. You should be completely free of me and my family. Nothing good came out of it just as you've said."

"Do you still like me?"

Mijin's inquiry puzzled the man in front of her. <i>'Answering this question feels more suffocating than I'd thought. What should I say? How should I answer her? I've thought about how or what I feel for her but my feelings for her were as fresh as the six months I'd thought I'd been hiding from father, playing as my sister's pet.'</i> "I don't."

Looking away, Mijin spoke. "As expected. I can never have anything that entirely belongs to me. Including a former fated."

<i>'Did she want me to reply differently? Especially after what I did to her? ...But it's still my fault for knowing my family and being too greedy to expect a taste of something good...something normal... This is my punishment for wanting more... </i>

<i>Hajin! Breathe!'</i>

"The first time I saw you and looked at you upclose, I thought you looked really pretty. I thought your beauty was quite refreshing for anyone's eyes and when you greeted me, I found it lame for not being able to look at you properly in the eye. Perhaps you noticed I'd been staring for a while and approached me because of that. After bumping into you from time to time, I noticed that there was a perpetually constrained atmosphere on me whenever I saw you... that perhaps you'd not find anything likable about me but eventually, you did."

"It was your scent and nothing more."

<i>'It's all about endurance. I can't give up now. It's too late... If I wasn't meant to live long, then why did you keep the pregnancy? Why are you openly telling me of my hell? I can't out now even if I wanted to!'</i> "You and I both know it was more than that. We were happier then. Whatever we felt was genuine and true."

"Maybe it was. Yet, even then, I wasn't ready to be marked as I am now. Kinda late to say that don't you think?"

"I'm sorry. I hardly have any memory of your imprint. I couldn't have received it anyway since I already received another's."

"Mora took my imprint. I'm sure you know that much."

Hajin nodded but didn't say a word.

"Speaking of your sister, she championed me caring this pregnancy and knowing her, she only wants to see me suffer. All this is a game to her." After a brief silence, Mijin added. "I agreed to keep this pregnancy so you can get back to her for me."

"How?" Hajin couldn't comprehend Mijin's statement.

"You've already received two treatments from the help of my blood and that of this thing I'm caring. Soon, it will be out of me and you can finally have your full scent back...maybe enough to scent manipulate." Mijin scoffed. "How lucky..."

"I don't think it works that way but thanks for wishing me well." <i>'It's too loud here... Being in one place is disturbingly frustrating... Anxiety and depression... I can sense it...everything is too loud!'</i>

"Hajin. You are responsible for this pregnancy therefore you'll be the one to put up with it. I want to move far away from you and your family as much as possible. I don't care if you both die or live. One thing I'm certain of is your sister is going to pay for whatever she did to me even if it's the last thing I do. I'll make sure of it." Walking back to the hospital bed, Mijin sat down and stared into nothingness. She appeared to have been deep thought for a while. "Let's see who will have the last laugh. Me or her."

<i>'Are these my feelings or I'm I sensing her? My heart is beating too fast... What's going on? Does she... Wait! Can she sense me too?'</i>

Mijin shut her eyes and exhaled as she began to perceive Hajin's scent. It was like spirals of waves sweeping through her skin followed by an equivalent cool breeze at the tip of her nose. A sudden movement in her tummy made her click her tongue in anguish and after a few seconds, the anger on her face was gone and replaced by a satisfied grin. All this time, her eyes still remained shut.

<i>'She plans to leave the child to me? The person that attacked her? Is this some sort of revenge? No. This has to be my retribution, so I can look at it, raise it... A constant reminder of how it came to be.' Hajin smiled. 'She is as smart as aways. What perfect revenge you've given me. I will spend the rest of my miserable life repenting.</i>

<i>I'm really sorry Mijin for making your life difficult. I thought I was enough to protect us but failed. I was wrong. It was my feelings that made your life difficult... I wish to see you smile as you did before that even now, as I sense your agony, I doubt it would appease you when you're regretting our fateship. I don't want to loose you but we've both changed so much and a lot of time has passed as well. It is better if I don't say anything, lest I make you angry. What a pity. Thats all I seem to sense from you and now the feeling it gone.</i>

<i>Oh Mijin... I liked you as you were. I still like you as you are.</i>

<i>I must be out of my mind..."</i>