2 A Contract With %&*#%@!

Suddenly, I could see again. It was like I was looking at the sky without any light pollution. It was incredibly beautiful, with intertwining galaxies of various colors.

A deep voice spoke from a place outside of my vision.

"Well, you look rather disgusting like that." 

  I tried to move my head but was unable to move at all. Suddenly, I felt myself being lifted and forced into a mould. It wasn't painful, just a disconcerting sensation as my viscous, liquid-like body was slowly reconstructed into solid human form. 

I was filled with confusion, but then I remembered. I was dead. This wasn't a dream or a horrible acid trip. I died and ended up as a bloody pancake at the end of an elevator shaft.

"Well, blobby, how do you feel now that your earlier desire has been fulfilled?"

The Words pulled me out of my rumination. I turned in the direction of the voice and saw a figure sitting on a golden throne. 

The figure was clad in shadows, but its silhouette had two heads – one with a bright red eye and mouth and the other with a bright blue eye.

The blue-eyed head was leaning on a fist while the red had been speaking.

I was never a man of faith in life, but I never expected this. No religion ever depicted anything close to this.

But a question was bubbling up within me. I held back because I didn't know how to act around this entity.

"The mortal is polite, how cute. Ask your question. I have eternity on my side, but I'd rather not spend it with you."

I wanted to know how it knew about my thoughts, but that was a pointless query. This one, though, was one I couldn't ignore. I needed to know.

"Why is it that you only have a mouth?"

The head of red began to laugh and continued for two minutes before answering. Meanwhile, the blue-eyed head narrowed its lone eye at his twin.

"Ahh, yes, the most common question. You should have heard of the three fates. They like to wear gray; those ladies are crazy like that. They share one eye between them all. It is a similar situation between the two of us. Only it should seem less bizarre as we are the same entity after all."

"Thank you for answering." I gave an automatic reply as my mind went spiralling.

'The grays, like the fates from the Hercules movie and Greek mythology? They're real?! How many other entities are there? Which one is this?'

I couldn't help but ask that last question out loud. 

"If I may ask, what entity are you?"

Both eyes fixed on me and glowed brighter. An extreme sense of dread filled me. This was not a question I should have asked.

"Knowledge is power, mortal. Just as much as power is power. Some knowledge is a curse, as much as it can be a blessing. You do not need to know."

I knew when I overstepped. I did what felt right and sincerely apologized, hoping it wouldn't obliterate what remained of me.

I prostrated myself before him - him because I didn't get angry lady vibes from the being before me - and apologized for my curiosity.

"I did not mean to acquire knowledge above my status. I simply wished to sate my mortal curiosity."

I did not look up after apologizing. I just waited for the being's reaction. Be it words or violence, I had done what I could.

He clapped his hands and instructed me to return to my feet. I did so with haste.

"Now proper protocol must be followed for divine intervention cases. State your name and previous world."

I found this quite odd, but judging how divine beings operate wasn't my place.

"Chad McNickles, Planet Earth."

"I see. From your physiological reactions to the previous timelines, I understand that this was due to my misinterpretation of a way of speech in your world called SARCASM. This method is very common in daily life; is this correct?"

My mind went reeling once more while my body responded autonomously. 'I died from a misunderstanding?! A MISUNDERSTANDING!'

"Ah, Ah, Ah, Ah, Ah. Don't go down that train of thought, as you'd say. It's messy, and repeating all of this is annoying. I would prefer not to do this an 8th time."

That made my mind blank. 'Mind reading. Timelines. Time travel. Future sight. This, this, this, this.'

So many possibilities and scenarios were running through my head that I no longer cared that I had died. It wasn't until the being clapped that I could create some kind of coherent thought.

"Focus mortal. Powers like that exist and more. Now. My punishment for the error of my intervention is an extended open contract. You gain three requests and the option to choose where you will be relocated."

'Wait, what? Relocation?'

"What do you mean by this? I have not agreed to any contract."

If I knew one thing from my time on earth, it was that contracts can have all kinds of wacky shit. A contract with a creature beyond my understanding is almost definitely bad news.

The being wiped a shadowy hand over the red face while the blue eye on the second head seemed to glow brighter. I also felt happiness radiating from it, which was a strange sensation. It was nice, but it was strange to think that I was feeling another's happiness in a literal sense.

"Mortals and their paranoia. Look, there are no hidden clauses. I removed you from the world. Therefore, I must place you in another because you did not die naturally. Now, decide where you want to be relocated."

'Cool, so I'm getting reincarnated. That shouldn't be too bad.' I thought about it briefly and chose the world I knew best. After all, the being said it earlier. Knowledge is power. The world was violent, but business was war, so I figured I'd be fine. Besides, it wasn't like I'd never seen someone die before.

"My choice for relocation is the world of Naruto."

"Excellent. That has been a rather popular world in recent times, we even had to expand the parallel worlds a few times. Now, you have three requests to use. However, these requests will impact the world, making it better or worse. What is your first request?"

All kinds of powers went through my head. Rinnegan, Rinnesharingan, Byakugan, Sharingan, Tensegan; the Dojutsu were easy, but each clan had problems. Besides, both clans were seriously messed up in their way. One was a race of world eaters, one enslaved 90% of their people, and the Uchiha were all mentally unstable.

Senju was a cool choice. The only problem was they got hunted into extinction by a creep with an eyepatch. None of the other clans had anything special except for one: Uzumaki.

But I don't want to be just any random member. After a few minutes of deliberation, I came to a decision.

"I want to be Kushina Uzumaki's younger brother, who is six years younger than her."

"Specific but doable. A few small changes will be made, but nothing too damaging to the line of fate. What is your second request?"

I had strong Vitality, large amounts of Chakra, talent in Sealing, Adamantine Chains, and a Kyiubi Jinjuriki as a sister. That should be enough to keep me alive. I just needed a path for future strength.

Combing through my knowledge, my boi, Hashirama, gave me a burst of inspiration.

"I want a highly adaptive body which is extremely receptive to Nature Energy."

"That one is easy. No changes to fate are required there. What is your last request?"

I formulated a plan for my last request, but it hinged on a question. 

"If my request is vague, can I clarify afterwards?"

The being through for a minute. Pulses of red and blue were exchanged between the two heads. After the pulses stopped, it spoke.

"In normal situations, you may not. However, I will make an exception this time. Speak your request and elaborate as you please."

'It worked!' Filled with hope, I began my request.

"I want to be able to control Nature Energy. My understanding of the energy is as follows: It is everywhere in various concentrations, like an invisible field. With my request, I want the ability to see and interact with this field - to manipulate the energy in the surroundings. I don't want intimate knowledge or dominion over the energy. Just the ability to see the energy and manipulate it with practice."

There was a period of silence stretching for an incredibly long 5 minutes. It finally ended when the deity spoke.

"Meh. It'll be annoying to work that in, but it won't have many changes to the fate line. You're done here now. Enjoy." 

After his words ended, I found myself in free fall.