Slanderous Brat

Entering the Hokage office, Malaria was ready for the greatest scolding of a lifetime, but it didn't happen.

Sarutobi Hiruzen sat at his desk giving a lecture about the history of Konoha to Malaria, the new little leaf that would burn brightly for his wretched ambition in the future. However, no matter how he looked at the child, he didn't look pleasing to the eyes at all. Coming to a high point in the tale? No reaction. A low point? He's almost asleep.

Hiruzen even thought the wrong person was sent over after his command, but that's not the case. He could tell at a glance that for some reason this child didn't have the usual kikaichū-bugs nesting in his body but just your everyday mosquitoes. They barely pick up in his chakra-sense at all, making him realize how superb mosquitoes would be during a scouting mission. Virtually undetectable.

"Hashirama Senju, our first Hokage founded the village of konoha with seasoned leadership.." Hiruzen was telling stories of the past with flair and passion, but got interrupted by Malaria.

"Yes, he was seasoned alright. So spicy that Uchiha Madara couldn't help but take a bite!"

*Cough* Hiruzen couldn't help but almost bite his tongue when he heard the statement. It wasn't entirely wrong, but how - and why, was a supposedly well taught Aburame clansman saying such things? What sort of mischievous brat is this guy supposed to be? This needs to be investigated.

"Brat, don't interrupt! And don't slander the founding clans either." The Hokage glared at Malaria. As they were talking, an Anbu flashed inside and left a document on Hiruzens' desk before flickering away in an instant. Grabbing the document and looking it over he felt like a fool for wasting his time on this walking human waste.

"It says here that you've attempted suicide atleast five times just today?", the Hokage fumed. "Don't you know that every life is precious? You too have parents, cousins and clansmen whom all would be greatly saddened by this knowledge.." Hiruzen tried to continue but got interrupted again.

"Yes, yes, yes, suicide is bad, suicide is wrong – one shouldn't stop living because of difficulties. First Hokage is the best, the second is amazing and the third is divine." Malaria grumbled. "Now, please excuse me as I need to do chakra control practice. Walking up trees isn't doing it for me, so I'll just do my best at Hokage Rock." He said as he started walking out of the office. 'I can't even mould chakra properly, so walking up walls could count as parkour, right? Death during practice shouldn't count as suicide', Malaria thought to himself.

"Scoundrel, get back here!" Hiruzen clenched his teeth. "Since you've got too much energy to spare I want to see you at the academy starting from tomorrow. If you're found missing, I'll have you know I'm well versed in a insect attraction technique that can quintuple the amount of mosquitoes nesting inside you!", the Hokage smirked as Malaria's face paled.

"Now get out of here, I don't want to hear any more news about mosquito attacks inside the village ever again." Hiruzen waved his hand to send Malaria out. "School starts early in the morning, I better hear about your presence when the time comes."

Mumbling and grumbling with a distorted face, Malaria walked out of the Hokage building looking even more depressed then before he entered. If only he could be taught how to condense chakra in an actually scientific way things would be a lot simpler. What the hell is 'mix your spiritual energy with your physical energy' even supposed to mean? Flex your bisceps and admire yourself in the mirror with focus - chakra will appear, promise!

Letting out a despondent sigh, Malaria finally went back to the Aburame clan to get some rest after his gruelling day. He heard that his father returned today from his overdue mission. Somewhat expectant for some pocket money, he rushed back home to find him sitting on a chair in the living room.

"Father, you're back!" Malaria shouted out, trying his best to act ecstatic.

"Son, you were adopted." Was the first thing he got for a response. After the man finally came back to the clan and heard what his child has been up to, he simply gave up.

"What!? I knew it! I want to meet my biological parents and remove these damn mosquitoes from my body!" Malaria was sincerely ecstatic instead of faking it this time. 'Haha, it's impossible for my reincarnation to force me into this dead-end. I just had a rough start - soon I can start living!'

"I am your biological father. Now pack up, the orphanage has accepted the documents and you're no longer going to live in the clan." The old Aburame smiled somewhat dementedly. "You've got until sunset to pack your things and get the hell out of here. You're the living shame of the Aburame!"

"WHAT!?" Malaria couldn't believe his ears. "What's that supposed to mean? One day of a few pranks and I'm suddenly homeless? Old coot, you can't do this!", he shrieked.

"A true Aburame is always calm and collected. Look at you, your bugs won't even crack Genjutsu for you. You're attempting suicide left and right, scratching yourself with a shit stick, swarming the police station with mosquitoes and crawling on the ground like a worm while slandering the village founders!" Enraged, the Old Man couldn't bear looking at Malaria. "Get out of my house, and never come back!"

Getting flushed out by his Old Mans kikaichū without harm, Malaria stood outside his house completely dumbfounded. 'What the f*ck now then? Where even is the orphanage in Konoha? Wait, I'm going to need funds to start working and developing the plasmodium parasites for the actual malaria, and without the clans support…' The more he thought, the more he wanted to pass out and pretend it's all a nightmare.

"Old Man! I didn't get hit by Genjutsu at all!" Malaria shouted at the house, "It was just.. I was itching my back and the elder… Well, I pranked the elder with a little song, but, come on - it's just a little prank!", he shouted and banged on the door, wanting to get back inside.

"Never call yourself an Aburame ever again!", was the only response he got before everything was met with deafening silence.

Malaria's face twisted into a raisin of pure spite as his voice was turning hoarse and raspy. If one could create a Rinnegan out of a face and not just with the eyes, one could say he looked like a good example. Stomping his foot and walking away from the Aburame clan towards the village, Malaria felt strangely serene. 'Screw it, my predecessor was a waste and I refuse to live my life as a bug detector for this dumpster fire of a village. I'm sure there'll be plenty of ways to earn funds in the future', he thought to himself.

As Malaria was walking around thinking to ask for directions to the orphanage, he noticed that a depressing aura similar to his own was walking in his direction from the other side of the street. 'Who could it be? A bad tempered Uchiha or perhaps Danzo-sama himself?'

Spotting the handsome yet ominous looking Orochimaru out on a stroll, Malaria couldn't help but think his chance finally arrived. Blurting out a few words to the passing Mr. Snake, he said; "T-the mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell!" he stammered.

Orochimaru looked over at the not-so-aburame-mannered Aburame brat with interest. Either that, or he found the statement funny somehow. Malaria, noticing that he managed to catch Orochimarus attention spoke again; "Why do orphans hate mitosis cells? Because they have parents… PLEASE ADOPT ME, I BEG YOU!" He bawled, kneeling on the ground infront of Mr. Snake in an instant.

Somehow that sentence managed to change Orochimaru's expression from a raised eyebrow to a mild stoic shock. Not quite sure how to react to what the kid just spurted out, he deadpanned and walked away as if nothing happened. He had heard about the mischief this ex-Aburame brat has been up to today, but to even dare joke with him – pretty good guts.

After walking a few meters, he couldn't help but overhear the brat mumbling to himself; "Hmpf, and here I thought he was interested in my studies of spreading cells to hundreds and thousands of people undetected… I guess Danzo-sama is the only one who cares for me and my wellbeing..."

Screeching to a halt, Orochimaru couldn't help but stand transfixed like a statue with one leg still in the air. 'Spreading cells – to hundreds of people – undetected?' His slit pupils couldn't help but narrow a few degrees at that idea. If he could induce the Hashirama cells into several hundred experiments, at worst the targets would turn into trees on the spot – and if successful, won't he have a Wood-type Bloodline-limit in his hands?

"Youngster, what's your name?" Orochimaru turned around and squatted down to take a closer look at the kneeling Malaria, slithering his tongue over his lips.

'How indecent infront of a child', Malaria thought.