1 Fo Shizzle My Nizzle
"Bruh"
FLASHBACK——
"I was once so high, I stopped at a stoplight that only changed when a car was there and triggered it. I waited and waited. I thought, Omg what the fuck is wrong with this stoplight. I scooted forward a bit, and nothing. 'WTF?' Until I realized that I was walking home, and I was also on the sidewalk standing next to a stop sign a block away. I was waiting for a stoplight, on foot, a block away from me." It was late Friday night. Me and my boys had just got off at work and while we couldn't always meet up, we tried our best to keep our friendship alive.
Five of us sat in a circle under a bright street light. My best friend since toddlerhood, Jaquaviontavious, sat next to me on the curb as we talked about some times in the past. First it was the talks about childhood, the times of waking up and watching Avatar The Last Airbender, Jessie, Naruto, The Clone Wars, Xmen, Remember The Titans, Rush Hour, Friday and way more.
Then it went to the times in school and how we were do bad. Sir Bonqueque The First, the dude sitting to my other side, told us that he once fought Ryan Reynolds in a bathroom because Green Lantern was a good movie. I believed him, I once saw him kick a person tomorrow.
"Thats nothin', freshman year of college, me and Tagarsiondubious-" He pointed to the only person standing. "-decided to get stoned and watch Pineapple Express (of course). Ten minutes into the movie, my roommate turns to me with a confused look and says, 'Why is it in German?' Yep, we'd been watching the movie in a different language and neither of us realized it. It took us another five minutes to realize it wasn't German, but in fact, Spanish." That made all of us crack up.
I took my phone out to look at the time. '99:90' It read. That meant I had to get up for my vasectomy early. "Ayye…yall think the government putting HIV in drinks?" At my question, I could tell they looked at me to elaborate. "Cuz if its just juice, then how you Powerade?" Their eyes widened at the implications, mutters from their mouths came out for about ?$&? seconds.
"Ohhhh, that makes since cuz my teacher making me right a essay. The first page gotta be 22 pages." Jaquaviontavious said as he looked at me. "You know what I told him?-" he recognized the anticipation we had for his next words. "-If life is unfair for everyone, dont that make it fair?"
———
"Bruh"
I found myself floating in sunbeam suspended in space. 'How did I even get here? Am I dead?' A quick burst of anxiety hit me before something calmed me down.
"Hey bucko." A strong southern accent called out to me as I floated aimlessly. "Yer dead buddy. I done told lil Betty to stop but you know she done gotta get er' done-" His accent made it a little hard to understand, at least for the uninitiated but I am initiated.
"Roll Tide."
"Roll Tide buddy."
We nodded to each other. "So…im dead, thats kinda crazy man. How did I die?"
"You got done in by FaFlavionmarius." His words struck me in my heart. I remembered him from 1st grade. The day was bright and I felt invincible. Only the day before did I ask out my crush and she told me she had a crush on me as well, but as you know, all things must be balanced. FaFlavionmarius, my former friend, Dirty-Macked me.
My intense rage could probably power New Delhi and Venus for an eternity. "My old nemesis. How did he kill me?"
"Bucko straight up melted your insides with his breathe. You got up in his face when you saw him at a Planned Parenthood building trying to create a clone of Micheal B Jordan."
'What?'
"He told you the most heretical, disgusting, butthole clenching, heart shaking, statement every said in history of anything ever."
'Damn' I unconsciously tried to locate the voice before I gave up. "Does everyone go through this? Am I getting reincarnated?"
"Yes sir, You done got chosen to be chosen. Yet goin' to Nah-rue-two."
His pronunciation of Naruto burned my ears and flushed my soul down a figurative toilet before I let my hate fester. "Why Naruto? Why was I chosen? What about wishes?"
"1. Because I said so. 2. Because I said so. 3. You get a special kekkai genkai special to only you, whether or not you'll be able to pass it on….im still deciding."
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"Understandable, have a nice day."
[Random Stuff I Found]
