Old Year - New Year

The holidays were a weird sort of surreal and crazy cool at the same time. Gram had the basement turned into a preschool and nursery with addition of Josh's kids to the mix. His sister-in-law, Brittany babysat them while Josh worked and she two of her own already; not to mention her taking mine for a few hours a few days a week so I can study. Her house was a bit small for the number of kids she had so Gram offered the basement. Nyssa and Backus helped her with them quite often when all seven kids were there.

The surreal part was the fact that this was my first big Christmas. First ever Christmas party. First ever Christmas dinner. First ever Christmas morning. Mom had always been working so I spent many holidays sitting in a restaurant waiting for her shift to end. I never had the pleasure of waking up to gifts from Santa on Christmas morning, or interacting with friends and relatives over fabulous dinners. I never heard so many tall tales of Christmases past. I've seen these types of gatherings in the movies, but had never personally experienced anything like this personally. And I loved every minute of it. I loved the food, the people, the kids screaming in delight and all that came with it. I often found myself standing at the edge of a room and just watching in awe at the love that was displayed in the making of such beautiful memories. I was filled with the warmth of belonging. I felt loved. I felt complete.

We stayed up late Christmas Eve singing and telling stories. All the kids stayed over to wake up to presents under the big tree in the living room. I hadn't gotten any gifts for anyone other than My parents and Gramma. To them, I gave them sketches I had done. I had drawn Jimmy's dogs for him, Bojangles and Jackie for Gram and for Mom, I had done a sketch of her and Jimmy. I took their tears and tight hugs as they like them.

Gram gave me a Bible, Mom and Jimmy Dad gave me the keys to an old Saab which meant I was going to have to learn how to drive, scary thought. And May gave me gym membership to the gym she teaches martial arts in. I was excited for that one.

Josh handed me a small box once all the other gifts were given. "I wasn't planning on getting you anything because I didn't want to cross an awkward line between us but when I saw this, I just couldn't resist." He whispered near my ear breathing on my neck in the process.

His breath on the side of my face sent shivers throughout my entire body causing every hair to stand at attention. My breath hitched as I tensed against my body's reaction to him. "Don't worry," he offered as if he noticed my sudden uneasiness. "It's not a ring."

I took the box and opened it half excited and half scared to death. I pulled out a metal wrist band with words 'With God, You are Never Alone'. I looked at him quizzically.

He smiled seductively. "See? Even if we are the only two people in the room, we won't be alone." He said tapping the band. "Because He is always there with us."

I put the band in my wrist secretly hoping Gram wouldn't make me take it off later like she had with all my other jewelry in the beginning. "That's cheating, Josh." I said without looking at him. I released the breath I had been holding to cool the flame that burned for him. "And dangerous."

I saw him smirk in my peripheral vision. "I know." He breathed in my ear, setting my veins in fire once more. Damn him.

"I'm still just a kid you know." I quipped sarcastically. "Not even a high school graduate yet."

He leaned back on his hands unfazed with a victory grin plastered across his face. "I know that, too." He turned his attention to the kids on the floor with us. Levi came running to him to show him the new toy he got. I watched him with adoration as gushed over the boy's new acquisition and found myself smiling as he hugged Toni, showering her with Daddy kisses while she squealed in delight. No one would ever know that girl was his biological child with the way he treated her. To him, she was just as much his as Levi and that was endearing to see. How was ever to going keep things platonic with him acting so freaking perfect? He has got to have a flaw. Nobody can be this perfect. Not at twenty.

News Year's was more the same fun, food, music and family. I had put the twins to bed on time and as much as I wanted to stay up for the midnight countdown, I was just too exhausted to make it. I stood in the in the doorway of basement waiting for the song that Mom was singing to finish so I could say my goodnights to everyone.

"You do realize where you are standing, don't you?" Came that sultry voice. His breath upon my neck threatening to take my knees out. I looked up and saw the mistletoe and rolled my eyes.

"Don't you dare, Josh." I scolded

"What?" He feigned shock with his hand upon his chest. He looked at me disapprovingly before he loudly proclaimed, "You are refusing to follow the law of mistletoe? I am shocked! Really, just flabbergasted!" He had gained the attention of everyone in the room. "Can you believe, this right here, folks? She has refused the, albeit ever so innocent, but sacred kiss of the mistletoe." Laughter ensued.

I blushed hard. "C'mon, man. I'm tired. I was waiting to say goodnight so I could go to bed." I whined in protest. One by one, each person got up from there seats and came towards. One by one they each kissed my cheek and said something along the lines of, "You can't refuse the sacred mistletoe kiss." And "Goodnight." I was utterly uncorked. My cheeks burned with their kisses and I wondered if they were serious about this mistletoe shtuff or if they were just humoring Josh. Speaking of which, he wasn't one of my goodnight kissers. Where did he run off to? I turned to look for him upstairs and his lips met mine before I had a chance to focus. I was sweet. Simple. Innocent. It was just a light peck on the lips and only lasted a split second, but I forgot how to breath in that moment. My eyes widened in shock as I look at his devilish grin.

"Goodnight, Melissa. Sweet dreams." He smirked. I ran up to my room and shut the door behind me, my chest heaving for air. My fingers traced the stolen kiss. I could still feel it electric heat. He set me on fire again. He knew it, too. I saw it in his mischievous grin. He wasn't playing fair. Why is it so hot in here? Damn him. Stupid… Stupid… GAHHH. I want to be mad for catching my off guard like that, but more than that I want to be his. I didn't want to wait to be old enough. Or married. Or any of the other reasons I had for waiting. No, I wanted him, now. And can't have that. Clearly setting boundaries didn't work, so I guess total avoidance is the next best option. Stupid Jerk! Now I won't be able to sleep.

*

Dear Diary,

Thank God for a mundane January. After the holidays, life slipped back into a rhythmic routine of boring chores, studies and quiet meals with just the regular family which made avoiding Josh all the easier. Jimmy had returned to his normal irritating prank pulling self when he wasn't working hard on the farm, while Mom worked with Brittany and the kids downstairs.

Jimmy, Mackerel and Josh have been spending most of their days rebuilding fences and getting the fields ready for spring. I didn't realize they had so much land. I hadn't ever thought to ask how big the farm was before, but Gram said it was close to eight thousand acres. Yes, that's thousand as in three zeroes. I have no idea how big that actually is, but it sounds like a lot. Makes me think Gram has her own zip code.

Gram's arm was healing nicely so she was taking the time to teach me some sewing techniques in-between my lessons and motherly duties.

The twins are crawling now which makes life all the more interesting. Blink and their gone. Last time I lost Jacqueline, I found climbing up the stairs. I never knew I could panic like that. I have no idea what I am doing and I am so scared I'm going to mess these kids up. Does every mother feel like that? Mom said she did when I was younger so maybe. I doubt Gram ever worried about things like that. She seems to have an answer for everything. Like she's all knowing and wise in a way I couldn't ever imagine being. I can hear her voice in my head right now. 'Don't put me on a pedestal, Magpie. Those things are for stone statues and false gods. And I'm not either one.' I know Gramma, but still… Wait. Why am I writing down hypothetical arguments?

Must be time for a nap. Anyway, Diary. It's finally February and my year is up next week. I'm not sure how things will change since Mom is living here now. I mean, she's back in her old house with… Dad, but it's a two bedroom and they have a baby coming in May, so I'm not sure if there's room for me and my kids with them. I promised myself not to worry about it but the closer it gets, the more I can't help but think about it.

Truth be told, I'd rather stay in this house. I grown used to the routines here and I still get to see Mom almost every day, so there's that at least. 'Worry ages you' – Gramma's voice in my head again. Goodnight Diary. I'm going to take advantage of the sleepies.