Chapter 48: I'm Sure

Alyssa didn't follow me, probably with good intend to give me some alone time. I appreciate it.

But it wasn't necessary, I wouldn't be alone anyway.

In the front gate, Ayane is standing on her blade-like legs as she looks at the red skies with a complicated look.

When I get closer, her eyes instantly drop down to me.

The first thing she says is, "I'm sorry, Sensei."

"What are you apologizing for?"

She swallows her throat, "Tha--That, I just barged into your clubroom like that."

She literally barged in with a bang.

But barging in is not just what she did today, "Oh, you also happened to crash in as a member."

"That--" She glances away, blushing. "That couldn't be helped. I have to."

"Is it now?"

Ayane is fidgeting, "Um… ah…." It's not everyday you would see this cold girl acting like this. Unsure. "Le-- Let''s just walk for now. I will explain to you on our way." Her eyes raise, "Again, I'm really sorry, Sensei…"

She scratches her finger as she looks at her shoes, "Please. Please don't be disappointed."

She whispers.

Sigh. Was it my face that gave her the idea? She's not entirely wrong, but I do feel disappointment now. But not to her. But to myself.

I was being silent for a while and that was enough to make Ayane's eyes teary all of the sudden.

I weakly smile as I come to pat her on the head. She looks at me with wide eyes.

"You know," I stroked her hair once, "you could be cute sometimes, Ayane."

"Se--Sensei?"

My hand is still on top of her.

Her eyes try to glance up at my hand and avert it away from me, "This is weird."

"Deal with it," I say, "this is a punishment for you."

She bites it. "... I'm very sorry." Her face falls down.

I sigh and shake my head, "No, you did nothing seriously wrong. Don't feel guilty about it. Even if you think you did, I believe you have the reason to. The Ayane I know would never be selfish."

Ayane hides her face under the shadow, but her white teeth give it away. She's smiling. "I really don't mind being selfish like this once in a while."

I pull my hand from her.

I could almost hear a grumpy sound from her. Maybe I'm just imagining things. I mean, it's already too weird for me to just pat her so suddenly. Why did I do that? I was not in my right mind, I guess.

I walk first, "Let's go home. I crave home."

Ayane nods as she follows me from behind.

We have a lot to talk about.

And so we walk, against the evening breeze, under the cloud sky. I keep myself to be in front of her so that she can take her time without being anxious about me watching it. And most importantly, so I can hide my tired look from her.

My face is pulling me down.

I look at my hands, still trembling from the thought: I can kill myself.

Killing myself would solve the world's biggest threat now. And it's easier, quick, and guaranteed success. Death promised more for others' lives. Life promised more for myself.

I like being alive.

"Sensei."

I shake my head. Let's not think much about this again. After all, I've decided.

Ayane quickens her pace so that she can match herself with me. Her eyes glance at my cheek. "Sensei," she calls again.

I reply, "Are you ready to talk now?"

"I'm ready."

I nod, "Before that, let's stop somewhere."

"Okay."

We both stop at a street vending machine.

Clank.

I buy a can of coke.

Psst.

Open it.

Sizzle.

And take a big gulp.

Damn, I've never been this thirsty in my whole life.

Ayane is looking at me stiffly.

I hold up my can, "You don't buy any?" I say as I give a look at the smiling vending machine.

Ayane shakes her head, "No. You too shouldn't be buying drinks from the machine."

"Why not?" I take a sip again.

"Because I don't trust them."

She eyes the vending machine suspiciously.

I shrug, "You should stop being cautious all the time."

"That's my job, Sensei."

"If you don't trust anything, you'd have no friend."

She crosses her arm, "I--I don't need a friend. Anymore friends are just going to be annoyances. You're enough to accompany me in this world."

That… That's a cute thing to say but I'm not sure if it's healthy. And she's not embarrassed to say that too. I take a long sip, "Ha ha, I don't know about that. You should be making a new friend already. After all...." I break my sentence.

"Sensei?" She checks me from up and down, trying to figure out what I meant.

I don't want to explain it to her so I steer the conversation in another direction, "I believe you own me an explanation. I'm ready to hear."

Ayane nods her head, "Sensei," she begins, "I want to talk about what happened to Steve sensei first today."

Ah…

"Without a doubt, Steve sensei was speaking in the Abyss language. You know of this, right, Sensei?"

I nod, "Continue on."

Ayane clears her throat. "I've been analysing his tone from the recorded video."

"Recorded?"

"Yes," Ayane pulls up her phone and shows me the scene I just saw today, "It seems this matter has gone public."

When I look closely, the video gets almost 600k likes. Wow, that's more like than the cute cat videos my little sister showed me this morning. I suddenly find myself smiling. Maybe we should adopt a cat in our house. Xin wouldn't be alone when I left.

"Sensei, this is serious," Ayane gives me a sharp expression.

"Ah, I'm sorry. My mind wanders off to my little sister."

Ayane sighs, "Sensei, just by a glance of it you should already know. Steve sensei had been charmed. And we know, only the dangerous hell creature can do it. Do you get what I'm implying here?"

"You think the hell creature is among us?" I take a small sip from my can to swallow a joke I almost spit out. This is serious.

Ayane looks around the neighbourhood and nods, "It could be anywhere, inside our school, among these neighbourhood houses, or one of the rooms in my apartment."

"Or the occult clubroom," I say.

Ayane flicks her finger, "Exactly. They could be anywhere."

I take the last sip and throw it in a garbage can.

Ayane followed me, still holding up her phone, "Sensei. Sensei, you don't have anything to say about this?"

The video plays again.

Steve shouting and laughing maniacally.

I have a lot. But I can't say it no matter how hard I try.

"I'm not an exorcist anymore, Ayane." Is what left for me to say, "This is not my responsibility. I'm a teacher now."

My responsibility now is to teach.

I chuckle to myself. It feels like I'm lying to myself and Ayane. I said that but yet I've come to use exorcism once again to cover up my mistake. To make it worse, I've failed too.

Ayane retorts, "But this is about the safety environment of the school, Sensei. Isn't it your job to take care of the students?"

She has a point. I say after a few seconds of silence, "Yes, Ayane. If something dangerous happened, I'm going to try to do it humanely as possible I can to protect my students. But in this case, shouldn't I leave this to the exorcists?"

Ayane takes a deep breath and says, "me."

"Huh?"

"I am an exorcist. I can do it."

"Ayane, I may not be an exorcist anymore but I believe I still remember how it works. You're still a trainee, Ayane. They wouldn't entrust this case to you… Did they?"

Ayane shakes her head, "They didn't."

I relieve a sigh, at least the exorcists still works the way I remembered it. Sending a child to deal with a case like this is absurd anyway. I don't want to see Ayane getting these kinds of cases.

"But I'm going to do it."

What is this girl saying?

"Ayane, you--"

"Nothing is going to stop me, Sensei. Not even you. Or the Order from the exorcism world. That's what makes me different from the other exorcists. Nothing is going to stop me from protecting the world I know how." Ayane looks at me with a stern expression, "You said this once, Sensei. That we're all human. It's up to us what we do with our lives." When you said that, Sensei, I've decided. I want to live a life of a more successful exorcist than my father. I'm going to prove him that I'm worthy of being his daughter while he's still watching me from heaven. I'll prove him wrong."

At this point, I can't get to say anything. I don't think words would make Ayane change her mind, not with the burning passion in her eyes.

I was once like that too.

"That is why…" Ayane begins, rubbing her arm.

It's getting darker and colder now.

"That is why I have to join your club, Sensei. That's the place I can see you in school. Now that I'm taking the case, I have to see you a lot."

She has to see me a lot. What is she expecting?

"Ayane, I'm not going to teach you exorcism."

Ayane throws me a darting glare, "Don't look down on me, Sensei. I know a lot about exorcism." She lowers her eyes, "But I don't know a lot about this world. After all, I've only seen this normal world for about just two years. I don't even know how to drive a car yet."

… Hey, I, too, don't know how to drive a car. "Girls at your age usually wouldn't know how to anyway."

"See? I don't even know about that. I… I only know about…." A soft blush spreads on her face as she mumbles, "ramen."

…

"So you want me to teach you how this world works?"

Ayane nods, "Yes. As embarrassed as I am now, it's better to ask you for help. Finding the hell creature behind this case would be impossible otherwise. If I can't sense it easily, that just means it blends into this world perfectly… I wonder who it is disguising as…"

A cosplayer and a chounnibyou? Though I wouldn't say he is trying to disguise herself.

I do have more knowledge of this world than her. But I'm not sure I like the idea of Ayane putting herself in danger like this. But again, as she said, I can't stop her.

"As long as it's safe, I'll help you." What I say.

Ayane pulls up her hand. Her glowing, smaller hand waiting for mine.

"Do we have to?" I ask.

Ayane nods, "It's an agreement. Yes."

Sigh… what I doing? Helping an exorcist to find a person that I should be hiding and protecting (not willingly.)

But Ayane is not going to take a no. Hell, she's even going to stand here forever.

I wrap my hand around hers.

And we shake hand.

It's going to be all right.

I just have to make sure Remelia is not doing anything to harm her.

After all, her life is my life too. I can take it out easily.

Or, her incoming vampire vassals.

Oh boy, I sure have a lot to deal with now.

Sigh.

.

.

.

When I return back home, I don't see my little sister anywhere.

"ONII-CHAN, KILL THE COCKROACH IN THE KITCHEN NOW."

I didn't see her but I'm pretty sure she's hiding in her own room now.

"AFTER THAT GO TAKE A BATH, I'VE READIED IT FOR YOU."

Sure.

How hard is it to kill a cockroac-- woah, it's flying!

…

After ten minutes of trying to show the cockroach the way out of the window, I sighed and told my sister I'd killed it.

That was a lie. A white lie.

And then I take the bath.

When I dip myself in the bathtub, I can feel my stress boiling the water.

My life is about to become a lot more chaotic now, so I guess that's just a proof.

Ha ha, my life….

I've decided to live more for now.

And when Remelia becomes a serious threat, I will end us.

I'm a selfish human.

Aren't we all?