9 9. nobody cared...

YuTang closed his eyes, he was sad of course but the feeling of pure frustration overwrote it.

The next moment, he opened his eyes that were devoid of any emotion, in the end, he had studied to become an actor, but this time, it was not just acting, he had really given up all hope.

"Ning Meng, do what you want. If my potential is just enough to get drowned in the world because of my flaw, it just means that I didn't work hard enough. So, I hope we don't meet ever again... as for your belongings, just take what you brought here when you came, I expect to see every expensive accessory I brought with my money here when I come back... I will rather throw them than give them to you. After all, it was bought by the money of this impotent man", saying this he also walked out like the other two, without looking back, with an elegant gait, just that his eyes were red.

But he won't cry anymore, he finally noticed, just like that woman had said, Ning Meng didn't deserve them... but he was a human, and the feelings he had carried forward all these year was indeed true, he would be lying if he said it didn't hurt, but--

It was finally over, years of feelings... just like that.... it was finally over.

......

It was cold outside, maybe it was the season or, the emotions.... but it was indeed very cold.

The sun hadn't come out of the horizon, but considering it was over 5:00 AM, the surrounding wasn't dark anymore still, the cold air could freeze one to the bone.

Today was Christmas, ironically, his worst day of this year.

He couldn't go back to that house, seeing her was a bad idea plus, that house would only remind him of those bad memories...

He stood outside as his mind gave him a blank...

He had left his home overseas and came back to his motherland, in these years he was too busy, busy studying, busy learning, busy earning, busy searching for job offers... he was so busy that he had forgotten to step back, stop and look around him...

He didn't have anyone to rely on, he couldn't go back and now that he saw, even this early in the morning, everyone busy doing their job, not caring about anyone else... finally it sunk into him...

"What have I been doing all these years?", in this year, he did his all to get jobs, running from place to place, taking care of her needs, though he was doing the job he wanted to, it felt like... he had stopped doing it to follow his passion, in this short period of time, it just became a 'job' he had to do...

In a way, it was still okay.. he was happy...? Or was he?

This year, to tend to her wishes, he had been taking some job that he didn't want to just for the pay...

He still wanted to be an actor, he felt like while acting he could forget everything about his own life and spend his time living someone else's... in a way, he was running away, but he really loved acting, the raw passion he could feel while acting as a different person made him feel that he was needed, his existence was not futile, but after his chances to act became almost zero, he had to take up modelling, he couldn't complain because the money was good, but it was not something that he wanted to do...

'So.. what exactly am I doing?', the question that he thought he had ignored forever came back to haunt him, now that he had left the person he was doing all this for....

This world felt indiscriminately cruel.... 'Just what went wrong?', he wondered.

He could feel his heart go cold, he didn't know what he will do after today.

He couldn't bear to disturb his father and his new family, nor did he want to depend on them... it wasn't because of anything cheap as his pride and ego as a man, just that, he was aware that he should ask him for money, if he did, he will affect his peace... his father, after so many years of being lonely, finally found his happiness in the face of his new mother again, he didn't have the right to break it.... he didn't have enough money to rent a place, he was supposed to work during this holiday week and get enough money and renew the contract, but suddenly he didn't want to do that... he still hadn't signed for an agency and he had to go find his jobs himself, but the way he was now, he didn't think anyone will accept him.

He had lost his place in the showbiz, he didn't have a place to live in and as he was now, he didn't have it in him to stand tall in this sort amount... without someone to lean on, the uneasy and despair feelings chewed on him... his legs softened and he fell on his knees, this was still a rich area and nobody here cared about others, well, everyone had problems and not enough time to care for a stranger.

Even the weather didn't pity him, for better or for worse, it started snowing....it was going to be white Christmas this year, even though his world was turning dark, this world wanted to stay white...

People liked to say that a man should be strong, brave and should always stand straight, should be able to face any problems without backing down and he should never cry.... he had always gone by those lines, he never backed down in front of adversity and had been making effort to lead a stable and strong life.... but after many years, he had cried today and now that he thought about it....

Why can't a man cry? Why should he always be strong?

Isn't he a human too? Isn't it okay to show his weakness once in a while?

Or was it him being desperate? Should he still just grit his teeth and smile.. just because he was a man?