1 Bad beginnings

"Alana, you can't go on living your life like this. You won't even acknowledge when something's wrong. You can't continue to suffer in silence and push others away."

That is what the man that I gave my all to said to me as he walked out of my life. I admit I do not understand love well and, at times, can be diffident, but I was trying my best to show some affection. Damn, why did he have to look so handsome even while he was breaking up with me? Uh, it was not like he was perfect, but he was better than most guys I had been with. He had his own place and a stable job, too. He even bought me flowers! My life is such total shit, and the one thing that was going well just ended. Suffering in silence was all I could do. I could not imagine a world where I could live a normal life. I always had to fight to survive. Nothing was straightforward; pain was all I had, it was constant, and it was all that I could depend on. From an early age, I knew that my life was total shit. My dad was drunk, and my mom was barely home. When she did come home, she would take all her anger out on me. As I was the reason her life was trashed. I never understood why was given the wrong end of the stick. Why couldn't I be rich or famous? Hell, at least middle class. I am stuck working two jobs just to make a living. With all these sad checks, I'm surprised I even have a place to sleep. I was stuck in a cycle of pain, and I could not see any way out of it.