94 Failures And Successes

Sometimes I wished that I wasn't who I was. 

That line of thinking was usually reserved for those times where I would wallow in sorrow, feeling bitter about the way things were and utterly despising myself for it.

Because I knew painfully well that if it were somebody else in my shoes, somebody just a little bit stronger, smarter... somebody just a bit more capable than I, then things would have gone so much better than it had.

Exams, interviews, etc - every failure, regret, expectations never met, I can always expect myself to be thinking those things for at least a good solid hour and a half. 

But now, here, stuck again with this failure, this regret - having the tears and blood continue to stain my shirt to a deeper, darker red, I'm not sure if anybody could have fared better than I did… not with the circumstances at hand.