1 Where it all began

I got to Las Vegas thinking for the first time in my life I was going to have peace but that didn't happen. On my last night in almighty Vegas, the casino I was in was attacked by armed men, they took our phones, credit cards, handbags, all our cash and raped a couple of girls, when they got to me they looked tired and drained so instead of them forcing me  into bed they forced a guy sitting next to me to do their dirty work.

     I laid on the casino table sobing as this strange man went in and out of my private part. I couldn't blame him, he was at gun point and we had no choice. Is either we had sex or we died  and at that point in our life neither of us wanted to die so we had to play by their rules. I was sacred not of what was happening but the result in the end, I mean I was having unprotected intercourse with a total stranger, I kept thinking "What if I got pregnant or worse  I get an STD," oh God please help me through this", as I ended my prayers the police arrived, even though it was late I was a bit relieved

  They slowly moved in and safely brought us outside to safety." excuse me please do you have any emergency contraceptive here I need one for the lady over there". I saw him take the pill and brought it directly to me. "drink  this" he commanded and continue "I don't want to have a baby with a stranger". I was shocked at his arrogance. "a simple hi could have begin your statement sir"."I don't have time for pleasantries, is better you take the pill now or prepare for a lifetime of raising a child by yourself" he said as he dropped the pill in my hand. "you know what your ego is too big for yourself, I don't even wanna have a child with a jerk like you. And a little less attitude will help you". I walked pass him. He immediately held my hand and dragged me back" No one ignores me, you will stay here and take the pill so I can make sure you don't have any tricks under your sleeves, who knows you might be an opportunist ." I removed my hands from his clutch and immediately took the pill for my sake not his, I was way too young to be a mother anyway. And at the time supporting a baby will be very expensive regarding the state of my relationship with my rich Dad." now that is better". "you know what, judging from your character you're a self centered jerk who will never be happy" I said with tears in my eyes "this happened between us and you are treating me like this, like an opportunist, like am some sort of gabbage, as if  am your liability well for your information am not your liability, and I do not want your money, neither do I know you, it was just my unlucky fate which has crossed my path with you in such an unfortunate manner giving you the most precious thing in my life. You are a jerk and you should change.l pity the woman who will marry you ". I walked pass him and this time he did  nothing. I saw him walk back to his car after his statement was taken.

       I was immediately put on a plane back to Ghana after l went through all the necessary formalities, I was relieved and could breathe more freely, at last I was away from the city that gave me such bad experience. I could start my life all over again as if nothing had happened, but it was not that easy, that jerks face wouldn't leave my head. I kept seeing him in my dreams, "Guns" ..... "Please don't kill us" ... "Not  him" ..... "I don't want him touching me"... "help, help me out, somebody help me" then I felt someone tapping and calling my name , l woke up and it was my mom. "sweetheart  is okay, is all over now, you are home  now, you are safe". Mom....  I saw him again.. Why is this happening to me " My dear is just the trauma you went through over there, is taken a troll on you, everything will be alright okay." "okay mom " "woman will you stop pampering that disgrace you have as a daughter and instead take her to see a therapist so we can have a sound sleep in this house. It been two weeks since she returned and for two weeks I've had sleepless nights because of her stupid nightmares. "Jones is that how to talk to you daughter after she been through so much at such a young age?" "point of correction she is not my daughter, she is your illegitimate daughter" my dad said "I know that Dad you've made that point clear to me since I was a child" I replied "I guess somebody understands that in this house" he said looking at my mom. "and secondly what happened to her shouldn't bother her, she got what other women strive to get for free. Tell me didn't you enjoy it?" l wasn't shocked he was behaving this way, it's been like that since I was a child, I was never his favorite because I was not his blood but he did have a point, I needed to see a therapist. The next morning I went to see a therapist her name was Diana sowah she was of help to me, she made me recall the incident and helped me through it for about a week I had no nightmares. I thought it was finally over the pain the trauma, but then I had a call, "hello is this lizzy", "yes", "we found a young lady dead in her car and when we through her phone you are the last person she called" I was shocked I couldn't move my lips "excuse me are you still there", "..... Yes what is.... the name... of this... Person", "Irena Jones" the name kept repeating in my head, I dropped my phone before l could ask the location "please go to the 37 military hospital to identify the body and notify other relatives too". I runned down stairs, when I got there I couldn't speak, all I could say was "Irena..... Irena..... Irena,.... a call... Irena..... Dead" , then I broke out in tears. I saw my mother  hold on tightly to the kitchen counter, my dad gathered courage as he held our hands, took us to the hospital to identify the body. It was her, my loving sister what could have happened to her? Irena you left too early. Why... Why..... Why soo soon sissy???? My dad completed the formalities and we left the hospital.

       For three days l did and ate nothing, l locked myself in my Irena's room going through her stuff , memories of ourselves as kids and teenagers. Then I heard a knock on the door. "please leave me alone" "sweetheart, the autopsy result are in" . I went out and sat down, "according to the results your sister committed suicide" "what, why would she do that?mom is not true,  Irena had a perfect life, a good husband and two lovely girls.....and I thought you said we wouldn't open her up so what is this?"  "lizzy  come down" my mother said " how can you tell me to come down in such a situation mom? They are acussing my sister, your daughter of killing herself and you want me to stay calm? " "lissy I think you should listen to you mother" another voice said " Doctor Diana what do you want here?" "I know this not the right time to tell you this but you have to know" "what are you talking about?" "remember the pregnancy test you took four days ago" "yes" "the results are in and you are four weeks pregnant" "what" "yes you are pregnant so you should slow things down for the baby's safety" "you must have got wrong, I personally took the emergency contraceptive" Diana held me and said "lissy, those drugs can fail, I bought three pregnancy tests for you to confirm." I performed the test, and all three was positive. I was shocked, my sister dies and I found out that am pregnant for that jerk. It was a lot to take in at once, I stormed out of the house" lizzy wait "," woman let her be is a lot to take in at the point of time, I'm worried about her but I also trust her. "

         I walked on sidewalk absent minded, all I could think of was" pregnant for that jerk and Irena's death " I heard someone asking" miss are you okay.???" " what "I asked. Then the voice repeated again" miss are you okay???? "" yes am okay "

I answered the tall handsome gentleman standing in front of me. "You don't look well to me are you sure? "  "Yes am fine" he still persisted " miss why don't you let me escort you home, you are absent minded and you shouldn't be left alone not in such a condition" he said pointing at my tommy, "how could he know , I mean is only four weeks old?" As if he knew I was confused.  He continued "I've been practicing medicine for ten years now, I think I can identify a pregnant woman when I meet one, now let me escort you home please, the safety of the child comes first" he said, at this point it was really hard to turn him down. He walked by my side quietly for a while then said "whatever you are going through shouldn't affect your baby, it is your duty as the mother to make sure he or she is safe." I looked at him and said in my head, "only if you know the circumstance surrounding this baby". There I realized  I had three options, the first was to abort the baby and move on with my life, I could also keep the baby since it wasn't his or her fault and there was the third option, I will never consider, putting him or her up for adoption. My relationship with my step dad was a clear evidence of the kind of life my child would go through when I put him or up for adoption.

         Throughout the night my mind was clouded with what I was going to do with the baby. I would be a lair if I say l did not not think about aborting it. Then something hit me, l suddenly remembered the first time Irena realized she was going to be a a mother, it was in my wash room she was so happy but the funny thing was she started crying, I was confused so I held her shoulders and asked her "Rena what is the matter, this is what you've always wanted right??"  "Yes liss this is what I 've always wanted and am really excited that am pregnant" she said with a smile. "so why these tears??" "these are tears of joy silly am so happy I can contain it, I need you to promise me something, no matter the situation you will find yourself in at any point of your life, think of the situation as an opportunity and most importantly a blessing. Let the situation strengthen you don't let it bring you to your knees, I love you liss, and remember a child is always a blessing "and with that she just left me. That advice didn't make sense to me at the time but now it makes total sense, l know what am going to do. I went downstairs and realized my family had already gathered," Elizabeth we were about to call you, good you came downstairs, please have a seat we want to discuss something with you" . I sat down next to my mom who was very furious, "Elizabeth, you know the situation concerning your pregnancy,..... and your father is a very respectable man in the society and we can't allow any harm to befall him so we've decided that you should terminate your pregnancy" l laughed in my head "uncle Ato if I heard you well you clearly made the statement that you guys have decided" "Yes my daughter that is exactly what I said" " I have just one question for you, who gave you the authority to decide anything about my child? Are the child father? or are you the one carrying the baby? , now everyone in this room should listen and note this down am having this baby and am going to raise the baby as well, if anyone has objections  then is their own cup of tea ". Then my father stood up and gave me a tight slap then said" you ungrateful girl, I gave you everything, a name, a home and a family and this is how you pay me? I should have sacked your mother when she cheated on me but I didn't, I took in and nurtured a  poisonous snake, you say you want to keep the baby, go ahead keep it but somewhere else not in my house. "" it doesn't surprise me a bit that you are doing this you call yourself a respectable man but wants me to abort an innocent soul? You are no different from those cheap men out there..... " then out from nowhere my mother slaps me" watch your tongue young lady, this man you are calling cheap took care of you as his own, you have to respect him..... " " respect him? When was the last time he respected you or me?, any chance he gets he flaunts in your face and insult you for the very same mistake he is committing? "they both gasp" yes I know everything, you crying every night as this respectable man makes love to his mistress right under your nose and you expect me to respect him?" my mother tried to slap me again but this time I held her hand in mid- air and said" maybe you don't get tired of his insult and maltreatment but I am ", I start to cry," mama leave with me from this house, this man does not deserve you, you don't have to suffer all your life for one mistake you committed, we can start afresh somewhere far away from this leave with me mom please . what's my mum did  surprised me then and even now , she answered me in the worst way possible I did not expect this from her, she said" yes Lizzy you are right I must get rid of this mistake, but the mistake isn't my husband is you Elizabeth I should have gotten rid of your very long time ago why did I keep you near? because of you my married life was jeopardized, oh God I should have thrown you into an Orphanage after you were born, and what was that again? Yes you said that my husband is the worst mistake I've ever made. No Lizzy, my biggest mistake was you. Did you hear me it you" she said, her voice was filled with so much pain and hate, "all this hostile treatment am getting from my husband is because  is of you and I hate you for that, I should have aborted you when he asked me to." "but mom am your daughter and...." " hold it right there I have one daughter and she is dead, from today on ward's am no longer your mom and you are no longer my daughter, I have no relationship with you starting today, so please pack your things" yes "and leave this place." she said putting her hands together. "I was shocked, tears was just flowing down my cheek like the river Nile, I tried to ask her once just once why she was doing this but the words did not come out, my mouth was just moving, my mother...., my life....., my world was doing this to me??. " no it can't be possible,am just dreaming, I need to wake up now... "I said in my mind but I realized it wasn't a dream when I felt someone dragging me, it was my mom, she dragged me out of the house and locked the door behind her, she must have said a lot of things but I couldn't hear her I was too shocked. I remember banging the door as hard as I can for several hours begging her to open up but there was no response It started to rain as I was getting really cold, I sat in the rain for an hour or so before I remembered that I was pregnant, "if not for yourself, do it for your unborn child "I said to myself as I tried to move my freezing legs , I worked for about 5 minutes then I couldn't move my legs any longer, it got harder when my vision became very Blur I started to lose consciousness I wanted to stay strong to hold on just for my child but I couldn't as hard as I tried my legs were shaking I was freezing to death and I had no one no help from anywhere then there was the Blackout .

            I opened you my eyes the next morning and I was surprised to be in the house of Dr Diana sowah," how did I get here?" I asked " the last time I remember was I was freezing to death and my legs were weak then I lose consciousness but I was in my area how did I get here?" she sat by me on the bed then held my hand saying "calm down my dear, I was coming to check up on you but I found you on the street half conscious, I took you home but your mom said she didn't want to see you so I bought you here " "..... Did she really say that?" I  asked with tears in my eyes "yes" she said with her head bowed. Doctor Diana was a middle aged woman who lost her only daughter in an accident. Soon after that her husband left her for her younger sister it was too much pain to take in so she moved away. To start a new life here in Accra, just like me she was depressed even though she acted as if she was okay, I can't count the number of times I heard her crying in her bedroom, but she was always strong in front of me, she always encouraged me to move on from my past and think only of my unborn child. She was a real inspiration and a great woman to me, not even once did she make me feel like I was all alone eventually I began to call her mother.

        It's been eight months since I moved in with her, and she has always treated me like a a gem, as far as my parents are concerned, it's been a couple months since I last saw them, after throwing me out of the house they were not satisfied, they printed an article saying I was their adopted daughter and I tried to kill them so I can take over their property, I was asked to go to the the police department several times till they found out that they were no evidences against me. My name had been cleared but people still look at me a certain way when am walking on the street, it was hard though but I came to terms with the fact that the woman I once called mother was my worst enemy now. Life wasn't the same without Irena but I had to move on for my child, my doctor told me depression wasn't good for the baby so with the help of mother Diana I always stayed in a good mood. I did throw some tantrums here and there but mom never complained, she was always supportive.

        Finally the night for my baby shower had arrived, I was so happy, I will finally know the gender of my baby, but before the party could even start there was a knock on the door, "wow we have an early party crusher, I will get the door". Not knowing what was behind the other side of the door, I opened it with a big smile on my face, then out of nowhere I was shot in the chest, I don't know how it happened but my water broke at once. What was I to do, I was fading no matter how hard I tried to stay awake, I could Doctor Diana talking to me to stay awake.