Walk through the Past

Collin

A familiar sensation clawed at the edges of sleep – the prickling of unease, the tightening in my chest. It was her dream again, vivid and inescapable. I jolted awake, my heart hammering a frantic rhythm against my ribs. The sliver of moonlight filtering through the blinds cast long shadows across the room, a stark contrast to the turmoil churning within me.

I was eighteen again, a cocky college freshman, newly declared a math major. Life stretched before me, an uncharted map filled with possibilities. Everything was new, vibrant, and exciting. Then, Cereus entered my world. A bright, inquisitive high school sophomore was assigned to me as a tutoring project.

Our connection was unexpected, a spark that ignited the moment our eyes met. I was captivated by her intelligence, her thirst for knowledge, and the way her laughter filled the small tutoring room with a melody that lingered long after she left. But she was a student, and I, her tutor. The boundaries were clear, and the consequences were dire. My feelings, however, refused to be contained.

The day I finished her tutoring, a weight settled in my chest. It was a bittersweet victory. Relief at completing my task, but a heavy heart knowing our interaction would likely diminish. Yet, a flicker of hope remained. As I walked her to the library, I blurted out, "Cereus, would you like to… maybe go out sometime?"

The surprise on her face quickly blossomed into a dazzling smile. "I'd love to, Collin."

And so began our forbidden dance. Stolen glances across crowded hallways, hurried conversations under the shade of ancient oaks, and movie nights where whispered jokes and secret touches painted a picture of a love that dared not speak its name. We were young, naive, and utterly enthralled with each other.

The memory of that first date remained etched in my mind. The clumsy nervousness, the shy smiles, the way her hand fit perfectly in mine. We walked for hours, talking about everything and nothing, the world around us fading away. At a tiny coffee shop tucked away on a side street, we shared a single slice of chocolate cake, savouring every bite, and every glance.

The dream replayed our happiest moments – stolen kisses under the autumn leaves, whispered promises under a star-studded sky, and the way her hair tickled my cheek as we lay sprawled across a blanket in the park. Every detail, every stolen moment, echoed with a painful intensity.

I awoke with a sharp gasp, a phantom warmth lingering on my lips. The remnants of her laughter seemed to cling to the air, a cruel reminder of what I had lost. It had been years since Cereus and I last spoke, and the way I left her, and the way she wanted nothing to do with me anymore. I thought we were done, so just because the order placed in the Boba Tea Shop reminded me of her, why am I going through this all over again? Our relationship ended ages ago. Yet, every time I closed my eyes, the dream took me back, a bittersweet reminder of a love that was born in the most unexpected place and extinguished all too soon.

Reaching for the glass of water on the nightstand, I took a long gulp, trying to quell the tremor in my hand. The headache that always accompanied the dream was starting to set in. Glancing at the clock, I saw it was barely 3 AM. Sleep, it seemed, had deserted me for the night.

A heavy sigh escaped my lips. The past, they say, is a foreign country. Yet, tonight, it felt more like a haunted house, filled with echoes of laughter and whispers of a love lost. At least I still have my brother. That was a huge relief to me. He is the only family left for me after what happened back then. I'll shower all my love on him, so that he knows he's not alone. He has his brother.

But the past was unchangeable, a stubborn stain on the canvas of my life. Now, I could only focus on the present, on building a new future, for me as well as my brother. Oh right, am I supposed to include his new girlfriend Molly as well? I mean, I said I wanted to meet her to make it official, don't know when that brat will bring her back home. Well, I guess they did just start dating. Maybe it'll take some time.