Inception (2)

When one can think about everything clearly, one is calm. To be able to reach the state of calmness quickly, one needs to be in a peaceful environment—a quiet place. Therefore, peacefulness is often associated with calmness.

Of course, that doesn't mean one can not be calm in a distressful environment; although not many, there are still people who can. I am a calm person—I am steady—most of the time. Even when I am about to do some stupid shit, I am still calm.

For me, finding peace is not within the environment, but within oneself ... I sounded like Buddha, didn't I? Anyway, I am calm most of the time because I can tune the rest of the world out fairly quickly—I can make my own peaceful environment.

Now however, I am calm, but not really in peace. Hearing the voice coming from the other side of the room, my concentration on the book I am reading is disturbed; not because the voice is grating my ear—it is pleasant to the ear to be honest—but because the action itself.

"Santakayo santavaco santava susamahito, vantalokamiso bhikkhu 'Upasanto' ti vuccati. Attana codayattanam patimamsetha attana, so attagutto satima sukham bhikkhu vihahisi."

Just why the fuck is Yukino chanting Dhammapada?! What is she? A wannabe bhikkhunī? 'Or is she trying to ward off any demon inside me?' She doesn't have to; I am a buddy with my inner demon!

"Why are you chanting Dhammapada?" In the end, my curiosity got over me, and I can't help asking.

Yukino turns her head to me, and closes the scripture. Sighing lightly to herself, she says, "Do you not know what I have just chanted?"

"Nope." I shrug. "I haven't learnt Sanskrit yet. But, I can at least tell it was Dhammapada."

"Yes it is Dhammapada." Yukino nods her head lightly. "What I have just read are verses about calmness, and the peace of mind." She looks at me seriously, then says, "You should try reading it too, Hikigaya-kun; it's enlightening."

'Okay, that is a little bit surprising coming from someone like her.' I blink my eyes just to make sure I am not seeing an illusion. "Why are you suddenly interested in reading Sutta?"

"Not just Sutta, Hikigaya-kun; everything!" She wiggles her pointer finger graciously. What has actually happened to her in the last one year? 'Is this what happens when an Atheist suddenly falls in love with religion? They just adopt every existing religion?!'

"Ah, I am aware of your puzzlement. It's plain on your face." No, I don't actually show anything on my face right now; she's just bullshitting. "I want to be a better person, Hikigaya-kun." At some point, the mood turned melancholic once again.

Putting her hand on her chest, she continued, "I have realized that what I have done in the past is wro—stupid." She shakes her head. "I should have just drugged you, then played victim after you impregnate me."

"That's better, but there WAS a WAY BETTER method, don't you think?"

"Anyway, now that is all in the past, it doesn't really matter—I can never undo what I have done." She completely ignores me, but there is a truth in her word: she can't undo anything.

Turning her gaze back at me, even if there is some distance between us, it feels like she is right in front of me. "I have hurt you, and I can't undone the pain ... I can do nothing but apologize." She bows her head.

'Okay, what is this development? Are you initiating your "play victim keikaku" now?! You can try; I won't budge!' Now that I am extremely cautious towards her, I doubt everything she says. But, her word earlier rather baffles me due to how genuine it sounds.

Raising her head, she straightens her crumpled uniform—at least, she thinks her uniform is crumpled.

"As I have said, I want to be a better person. I want to understand people better, and morally educate myself ... So, I can avoid making the same mistake twice." She is not joking, and I am conflicted about it. 'Is it another one of your "play," Christine?'

"Therefore, I am learning every teachings about how to be a good person from the scriptures of every religion. I hope I can reach a conclusion on what is the best way to be a better person." And, that's the end of her speech.

"You should try it too, Hikigaya-kun. You'll be surprised with how many things you can learn by reading them." Or not. It seems she is really adamant on telling me to read scriptures.

"I don't want to change my view on life with another philosophy yet; I refuse." I am sorry, but I don't want to meet God if I die; I am sure he will definitely throw me straight into hell, because of how many times I have given him my middle finger.

Like the word goes: "What you don't believe can't hurt you." I will hold myself back to believe in God. Later, when I think I am ready to accept God, I will become a pantheist, and believe in Spinozan God.

"I am not telling you to be a religious person, Hikigaya-kun. I am suggesting you to fix some of your bad habits." Squinting her eyes in a barely concealed irritation, she continues, "Ignoring someone who is trying to be genuine to you, for example."

I shrug. "What can I say? You cannot recover the trust you have lost that easy, after all." Although it takes some time, Yukino nods her head in acceptance. "I can't find fault in your word, Hikigaya-kun." It's surprising, to be honest.

The room descended into silence this time; Yukino stops reading Dhammapada, and takes out Marquis de Sade's 120 Days of Sodom. That's a really violent work to read; unsuitable for the weak minds.

'But, that doesn't help you to be a good person, does it, Yukino?!' Well, what can I say? I enjoy that work too; it's a great read ... For me, at least. Returning my attention back to the book I am reading—Shakespeare's Macbeth—I sip the tea Yukino has prepared me.

'Hmm... It's Jade Leaf Matcha. Nice choice, Yukino!' Although I prefer Harney & Sons' black tea, it goes well with the cake. 'Wait, cake? Why did you eat the cake, Hikigaya Hachiman?!' By the time I know it, the cake is already half-eaten.

'Fuck, the Viagra! I don't want to be hard, before tonight!' I quickly check on my crotch to look for any reaction. Surprisingly, little Hachiman is still as composed as ever. Blinking my eyes in surprise, I turn my head to Yukino.

"I have told you it's a crushed chocolate. I personally made the chocolate that way just to mess with you." She must have some sort of sixth sense or something; I haven't even asked anything just yet, but she can already answer my question!

"Well, I guess I have really lost your trust." She mutters, "That kinda hurts, to be honest."

I am afraid about what will happen tonight; Yukino is being exceptionally genuine today! No, seriously. Is a life-changing event will really happen tonight? 'Of course, my lovely gorilla will ascend to be a lovely bunny girl tonight!' I guess that's life changing enough.

"The cake tastes good ... It's better than your previous cakes even." Widening her eyes slightly, Yukino covers her lower face with her book. "Well, thank you, Chris—I mean, Hikigaya-kun." I wave my hand lightly to dismiss her trivial slip of tongue.

"Anyway, how could you know that I was, well, me when we first met?" I am slightly curious about it. Although Yukino's features resemble Christine, I would have never thought of her as Christine if she hadn't said anything about it.

"Ara, what is with the stupid question?" Yukino quirks her eyebrow. "Aside from the resemblance, your behavior is a dead giveaway; you are too 'unique' to be looked away."

'Is that an insult or a praise?' Well, whatever it is, I think I can say her instinct is great. "Besides, I had been notified beforehand that I would meet you ... The rest was history." She shrugs.

Wait, something is wrong.

"What do you mean you had been notified before meeting me?" Who did she meet? Did I skip some procedures or something? I don't recall I have ever met someone before I was awaken in this body.

"Well, I met her before I woke up; she told me to take care of you." Tilting her head, she says, "Why are you—you didn't know?" Upon realizing my puzzlement, Yukino stops speaking. 'This is not right. She knows something that I don't.'

"Whom did you meet?" I asked.

Yukino only stares at me silently, then returns to her book. "I am not the person who is supposed to tell you about it, Hikigaya-kun ... If you don't know, you will remain that way for a while." Throwing her gaze to the side, she mutters, "Besides, you won't believe what I say."

That is kinda true, but I never fall on deaf ears to logical explanation. 'Does that mean it is not about something logical?' I hum to myself, and wonder. 'Is this about meeting the God cliché or something?'

Anyway, no matter what it is, it doesn't matter to me now; I can't let my mind be occupied with the thought about it tonight. Yukino has made the decision to abstain herself from telling me about it. So, I will just wait until the "moment" comes.

We concentrate ourselves on our book, and the room descended into silence once again. Nothing happens until the school ends, but I am slightly giddy for tonight.

A Rabbit Goddess will descend tonight!