My pathetic life

At midnight, you lay on your comfy bed alone, indulging in its voluptuous warmth. The moment you slept on it, exhaustion was like possessed demons, leaving their host in an unwilling manner. Your bed was clean and neat, but dull. No fancy decorations, no showy colors, nothing peculiar indeed. You switched off the lights and closed your eyes. Yet this time, you decided to let your brain function once in a long while.

What have you been doing in the past few weeks? Have you planned to work on something? If so, have you accomplished it? Are they just words, not deeds? Is there anything in your life so memorable that it is worth recalling at this point?

You firstly thought of your friends, no matter those from work or school. You have got some. It was nowhere near many, but at least it was better than none. A flood of memories rushed towards your cortex, but what accompanied was a list of questions, doubts, and disbelief. Friends? You scoffed. You remembered the times your requests got ignored. You remembered the ache of betrayal. Soon you came to a definite conclusion. Relationships are hard. By 'hard', you mean really hard. Humans are inherently hard to comprehend. People keep secrets and never convey their true feelings, but they somehow expect others to read minds and change. Of course, you are one of the 'human' gangs. You were so fed up with the backbiting and the rumors-spreading norm. That's when you resorted to the Panadol. Trust is a knife. Once you hand it over to others, they can either protect you or stab you to death. When you figured this out, you decided to keep your knife to yourself. You returned it to its sheath. Armed, you built a formidable fortress that nobody dared to walk through.

You sighed. Your breath brought warmth, coupled with a bunch of other sensations. For better or worse, you were alone in your bedroom, so you were the only one listening to your sighs.

You decided to continue your contemplation.

This time, you thought of your parents. How long has it been since you last sincerely cared about them? Sounds familiar, doesn't it? This question rang a bell in your head, and you swore to God that you had heard it from somewhere else. Your brain led you to some cringy television programs or some YouTube channels, or maybe films, urging audiences to cherish their parents and their beloved ones.

In your defense, you are just a normal person like everyone else. With no spectacular talents nor any superpowers, you aren't as wise as Tesla, but not as dumb as Edison. You have a job in which you work your ass off every day just to impress your boss, your colleagues, and sometimes yourself. You just can't afford to spend more time on other relationships. You lose track of the days when you ate dinner along with your family carefreely in a cozy apartment. You also lose count of the number of times your family asked you about your occupation, your love, and your goals in life.

'They are kind of overprotective.' You grumbled.

But then, as you always said, you can't spell 'overprotective' without 'protective'. It's the right thing to do, yet after all, they are just words, not deeds.

'What am I doing?' You asked in confusion. You got to wake up early tomorrow morning for work. You should be reveling in your sweet dreams right now. You held your body upright and promised yourself to get to sleep after you come to a concrete conclusion on the following topic.

'What have I done in my feeble pathetic life?'

Have you ever tried to be so committed that you work to your limits just to make it happen? You used 'try my best, or 'endeavor' multiple times in your secondary essays, but did you know what they truly mean? The term 'Life' seemed too broad. Let's rephrase it. What have you done today? You frowned and recalled. Scrolling over Instagram and Twitter Page, rewatching YouTube videos that you have watched million times but you still find it funny for no reason.

You had to sleep right now, not because you were tired, but because you had to wake up early tomorrow for work. You then eventually concluded that you have accomplished nothing in your life and because so, you couldn't come up with anything so momentous that it was worth recalling at this point.

Did it sound acceptable to you though? If yes, you were on your way to your dreams where everything impossible is possible. If not, then congratulations! Welcome to a world where you are expected to make the impossible possible.