Chapter 549

" I did it. At first I was so glad and thought, I had finally proved myself now and they would accept me and stop letting the stigma of my family follow me but I was so wrong" I could hear the hurt in his voice, it was blatant and he was not trying to hide it one bit,

Stigma is something that is not talked about a lot but things that affect us and our status in the various clan. If your daughter is raped or taken by the masters, it does not matter if it was forced and not wanted by the other party, the name is stuck forever. Wherever she goes, people are either pointing and whispering about it to their fellows, while the ones that are bold either make a nickname from the incidence that happened and it becomes your name to everyone,

Also when one of your relatives does something abominable, and he is probably killed for it, it is what you would be known with forever till you die. It does not matter if you are not like him or have even cut him off, as long as you were known to be related originally, the shame shifts to the next available person or persons. It is so bad and not good at all. How can we receive so much suffering and affliction from the elders and our people's hands where we are supposed to be received despite all, they castigate us worse.

You feel like an outcast in a place that you originate from. It becomes worse when people are prevented from associating with you because they believe you to be caused. I wonder what name they would have given to Mother right now, her husband and children died, it does not matter if it was done for the greater good and also I foolishly ran away from home without thinking it through, she is all alone and literally abandoned to their advances. It was as if I just delivered her willfully to them, to do as they please. These thoughts are making me regret most of my actions but I have already taken them, so I have to try to make the best out of it,

' please wait for me, I promise to make it all worth it. I will come back for you' this was what I thought as I gazed into the sky,

It amazes me how he can be seated by my side but he does not know all the thoughts that are running through my mind right now, I am overwhelmed with emotions but have no way of letting them out since I am trying to keep my cool. I keep having the feeling that the worse was yet to come and this was just the beginning of things I have to pass through. I keep training myself now, so I would not be overwhelmed when it happens and give up entirely as I have a lot riding on it.