Chapter 400

I did not know when I arrived at the stream since I was lost in my thoughts, it seems I do it a lot recently. Thinking about love brought down my mood. I removed my dress and placed it on a boulder, I ran my fingers over it, this was where I sat the last time I came here. Maybe coming back here was not the right idea,.it was filled with memories of the both of us.. anything I look at makes me recall an incidence that happened there. I dipped my toe in the water and retracted my legs immediately at once,

It was so cold but I liked it. I turned it into a mini game, I would dip my leg in and retract it again till my legs almost went numb. I then decided to wash my hair first, since I left the clutches of the masters, I had not been tying my hair regularly. It was one of the rule given to women back at the base, to have your hair wrapped up always.  We were only allowed to unwrap it when we were about to wash up and when it dries up, we wrap it back up. 

Since I left I do not take it seriously as I did before, I always let my hair run free with taking good care of it, so it was a mess on my head. I took down the twist I used to hold it and tried my best to detangle it. I was amazed by the length of my hair, it was already up to my arm. I longed for the day I would be able to let my hair down and boldly walk down the streets. With that, I dipped my hair in the water and began to rinse it out,

It took a while but I was finally done. I would hit my hand on the water and watched the ripple than ran through it, it was fascinating to me. I knew I was behaving like a child, but I decided I would enjoy it today because I do not know when I would have the opportunity to experience such again. I also used the water to look at my reflection, there was not a lot of changes since I last saw myself but I was looking thinner and there was no one else to blame for it but myself,

I eat once a day even when I knew I could eat more than that. I found out that I derive a lot of satisfaction from starving myself, the pain I get from feeling hungry is a feeling I was used to and it reminds me that I am alive. I do not know if I am aversed to their hold.or I have gotten so used to being under them that I can not figure out another way to live. While submerged underneath the water, these were the thoughts that kept running through my head