5 half Khajiit.

as the first stormcloak was executed, the next in the line was the Dragonborn. Which is just fucking stupid if you ask me.

have you ever wondered why in the game they wanted to execute you even though you were not on the list?

Spoiler alert, it was because Ulfric...

General Tullius, was brought to skyrim 6 months ago, did what the empire struggled to do, which is capturing Ulfric. This guy who does not even know the traditions and common sense of Nords has managed to stop the skyrim civil war in 6 FUCKING MONTHS!

this only shows how much of a tactical genius the General is. And not only that he is smart enough to know that Talmor (Read: yellow skinned elf bitches) wants for Ulfic to live, so he can distract the Empire.

Why would they want to do that? well so they can do whatever they want when the empire is distracted! DUH!

hell, there is even Proof in the game that Talmor wanted to "deal with Ulfric themself", which just means letting him go so the civil war can continue.

And Tullius being the smart man he is replied with "fuck no! he is getting executed publicly!". Okay maybe not exactly in those kind of words but the context is the same.

If not for Alduin inviting himself into the party Ulfric would be dead, and the Civil war would end!

im sorry blue team players...but the empire is clearly the lesser evil.

Sure they may have forced the Nord to forbid to worship Talos, but that only because the Talmor forced them.

and to be honest...Forbiding a religion sounds way better then neglecting every Race that is not a Nord. Do you people have any Idea how bad the other races life is under Ulfric Rule? Bad, VERY bad.

but enough about that, i am starting to lose my point. My point is...WHY IN THE NAME OF THE 9 DIVINES DID THEY NOT EXECUTED ULFRIC FIRST!!!!!

ehh...fine! if you want something done right...do it yourself!

[mission: Kill Ulfric before he gets the chance of escaping from Helgen.]

[reward: {Random Nord card}]

nice~

Well anyway, Alduin should show up soon, the dragonborn is already about to be beheaded and the first two roars were already heard by the people of Helgen.

wait for it....

wait for it...!

WAIT FOR IT-

Alduin: allow me to introduce myself.

and there it is! the eater of words, destroyer of dragon Pussy, and one of the most badass looking black dragons to ever exist!

without wasting any moment both Alduin and Sam made their Move. Alduin let out a powerful Thu'um that was directed at the people in and around the chopping block, and Sam took out Azazel genderbend gun, and fired it at Alduin.

hearing Alduin Moments later speaking in a feminine, but still rough and dragonic voice, made Sam proud about himself.

he just pranked a beast that is able to destroy the entire world of Nirn! who wouldnt be proud!?

Alduin himself didnt notice this change, as he was to busy creating chaos. Well he did what he wanted to do, so now its time to make friends with the Dragonborn.

shoting the stormcloak that originally helped the dragonborn stand with a gun, and put it away. He then run up to the dragonborn and helped her stand, making note how soft her fur is.

yup you read it right...Fur.

and no she is not a khajiit...or at least not fully. To be honest Sam suspected she is Half Khajiit, she didnt have a cat head but she had fur.

a neko girl with more "neko".

*HERE I WILL PUT THE IMAGE OF HOW SHE LOOKS!*

Sam: get up, this is no place to die.

rest in peace black panther...rest in peace.

the dragonborn got up a little confused, and with tired eyes she looked around clearly not knowing where she was. Damn, guess that Thu'um she was hit with messed with her head a little huh? well she did hit the ground pretty hard...

Dragonborn: where-

Sam: not now, lets move!

and so Sam started to run in the direction of the building he remembered Ulfric was hiding in, while dragging the Dragonborn with him.

when they entered Sam took out a fucking machine gun and started to shoot at Ulfric and the random stormcloak with him. Soon they were nothing but cold corpses.

what he didnt take into account however is that in a closed space the shots of a machine gun are rather loud and with the dragonborn being half Khajiit, this obviously made her yelp in pain and cover her cat ears.

...oops.

Sam: oh shit, sorry! i didnt mean to hurt you!

hmm...how to compensate her for that?....headpats?

as he started to pat the dragonborn she froze for a moment and for a split second she started to purr before she slapped Sam hand away.

Dragonborn: stop that!

damn, she looked really offended by that. Maybe he shouldnt have done that...But how could you blame him! she was half cat!! cats love headpats!

Sam: s-sorry, are you alright?

Drgonborn: just...shut up for a second.

and just like that, Sam stayed quiet while the Dragonborn was collecting herself and Alduin laid waste to Helgen outside.

Alduin: REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

not gonna lie, that female Alduin voice is funny as hell.