2 Why didn't I just die?

Why didn't I just die?

Lying on an uncomfortable pillow, I stare at the starry sky in front of me and think bitterly.

3 years passed since my birth.

In the beginning everything was so confusing, that many times I couldn't help crying and even shitting myself from fear.

Yes, it may sound embarrassing, but I will never forget that horrible feeling of not even being able to control my sphincter.

Who says being a baby is easy?

Everything you hear seems to come from underwater, you only see giant incomprehensible colors, and as if that wasn't enough, just opening your eyes for a few minutes, you end up so damn tired that you end up sleeping for the rest of the day.

The last years of my life were a torture of uncontrollable anxiety, and although I am proud to say that I am smart, it took me about half a year to understand that I reincarnated.

But can I be blamed?

At first I simply thought that I was in a vegetable state after being burned and only thought about the torture of life I would have for the rest of my existence.

If it weren't for the fact that sounds became sharper and my eyes began to be able to see the world, I would still think even years later that I was a vegetable.

But, while this experience was certainly unpleasant, it is not this that makes me regret being alive today.

No, what has me so overwhelmed today is something far worse.

Staring at the 5 men holding a large piece of cloth around me, I close my eyes and sigh.

I don't know the exact reason, but for as long as I can remember these people have surrounded me and done everything for me, including holding a cloth around me every time they take me out to see the moon to keep me from getting cold.

It may not sound scary at all, but with one glance I could recognize an atmosphere about them that I couldn't forget, even if I wanted to.

Wearing purple robes with strange symbols, all wearing a dark blindfold over their eyes, they never speak, I've never seen them smile, and the icing on the cake, even though their eyes are covered, every time that person comes to see me, they bow on the ground as if they were humble dogs.

How can I not recognize these damn fanatical cultists?

Literally all my life I've seen people like that, being incredibly easy to recognize them even without meaning to.

"Look at me."

But while being surrounded by cultists again is certainly something that has me rethinking my life, there is another situation that has me extremely tense.

Turning my gaze to the side, I stare at the beautiful woman who suddenly appeared next to me, then pursed my lips and muttered, "Mommy..."

Squinting her eyes, the woman watches me silently for a few seconds and smiles suddenly, then takes me in her arms and begins to fidget with my cheeks silently.

Sigh

My mother is an existence that to my mind is far more frustrating than my former father.

Her name is Kang Sujin, who proclaims herself to be a Heavenly Demon and leader of the Heavenly Cult.

While I don't know exactly how old she is, I can tell at first glance that her age is most likely around 25 to 30 years old, and without a doubt I can say that this is the most beautiful woman I have ever seen in my life.

With an incredible height of around 190 centimeters, her body is not far behind, having a voluptuous and perfect figure, leaving an indelible impression even on me, who practically has no libido due to my young age.

Her long hair, black as the starless night, cascades over her shoulders with a subtle sheen that highlights her enigmatic aura, while her crimson eyes gaze at the world with infinite contempt from her perfectly sculpted face.

But, while the black hair and crimson eyes are certainly something extravagant, this woman's gaze is by far the most striking and the most smothering I have ever managed to meet.

Her gaze is intense, penetrating and reveals a wisdom beyond her years, while her eyes seem to be darkness itself and have a depth capable of consuming you in a matter of seconds.

Her beauty is not the conventional one of fairy tales, but it is a beauty that captivates and terrifies at the same time, like the dark power she hides within.

In a way you could say that her beauty is something very similar to the beautiful glow that a nuclear bomb releases before it turns you to dust.

But, while this woman is undoubtedly beautiful, unfortunately she is nothing like a loving mother anyone would wish for.

Literally since my birth, I have not heard her say more than 10 words at a time, and all of our communication is based on them ordering me around.

Look at her, hug her, let her hug me, eat my food, leave her alone, sit next to her, among many other commands.

But as if this wasn't weird enough, I seriously think this woman has some weird problem in her head.

One second this woman can be looking at me coldly and indifferently, but the next second, she's hugging me with a weird smile on her face and refusing to let me go for hours.

One moment she can be coldly ordering me to get the hell out of her sight, and the next moment she's practically pinning me down to stay by her side.

She may look innocent, but I know how frightening this damn attitude can be.

After all, my father used to be a good father and we almost never had conflict, until one day he just decided to burn me alive and I ended up in this place.

Who's to say this crazy woman will be any different?

If life has taught me anything, it's that there is nothing more deceitful and untrustworthy than a cultist.

I wouldn't be surprised if right now she uses those hands to rip out my cheeks and eat my skin while smiling.

"Your cheeks are cold, do you want to come inside?" looking up at the moon, my mother asked.

"I'm not cold" Shaking my head, I raise my eyes to the sky and murmur "Mother"

"Mn?"

"When will I be able to see beyond our cave?"

Instantly frowning, my mother stopped squeezing my cheeks and lost her smile instantly, then replied coldly "Why do you want to go out?"

"I... I just want to go out to play" Making the utmost effort not to tremble with fear as she felt that piercing gaze on me, she inhaled deeply and answered forcibly.

"Play what?"

"I don't know... I'm bored here."

"..." Squinting her eyes as she watched my face, my mother was silent for a few seconds and snorted "I'll bring you toys next time."

"B-but-"

"You're not going out."

"*Sigh*" Nodding knowing full well that again my attempts failed, I slowly pull away from my mother's embrace and lazily lay back on my pillow.

I don't even know how many times I begged her to let me leave this place anymore.

Since I am energetic enough to see my surroundings, I sadly discover that my entire home is a large cave that is completely lined with animal skins.

Outside of this cave, I have seen nothing else besides the moon and a large ravine where I am usually dropped off at night.

I have seen no airplanes, telephones, or anything that would indicate any indication of technology.

Furthermore, I have noticed that they use pig fat to create candles and the clothes I wear are obviously handmade of dubious quality.

The beds are uncomfortable, the pillows are made of straw, there are no toilets and all the water comes in buckets brought by servants.

You don't have to be very smart to know that I only have two options.

1.- My mother is just as crazy as my father and went to live in the mountains with her crazy cult.

2.- I am reincarnated in a different world with a different timeline, where technology does not exist and it is not much different from the bronze age.

Unfortunately for me, neither of the two options are really good, after all both will give me an incredibly exhausting life, even more so being inside a religious cult.

"Don't you like being with me?"

Feeling a hand stroke my hair, I sigh with relief that this dangerous woman wasn't angry, then sit back down and nod softly "I like being with mom..."

This is my day to day life.

People may not understand my fear of this woman, after all she is my mother. But honestly even I can't understand it, because even if her look is scary, she never really treats me badly.

She feeds me several times a day, bathes me personally, even cradles me every time I cry.

But, although this woman is kind to me, for some reason I cannot relax with her, somehow feeling that this woman is extremely dangerous.

I didn't even feel this when I was facing former criminals who joined the cult, let alone with my father.

"Are you hungry?"

"Mn."

Taking me in her arms again, my mother exposed her gigantic breasts in front of me and without needing further instructions, I took the nipple into my mouth and quietly drank the warm milk.

"..." Staring at the beautiful woman in front of me, I couldn't help but feel strange.

The term mother is totally new to me.

Even in my old life I never knew my mother and always lived alone with my crazy father.

I never remember being breastfed, I never remember being cradled, let alone remember having as much attention as this woman gives me.

If it weren't for the strange fear I feel at her side, I would certainly be quite happy.

Well... we'd also have to put aside that she's a cult leader.

"Seojun"

"Mn?" Hearing my name, I blink doubtfully at my mother and bow my head slightly.

"I have things to do tomorrow, so you'll have the day off."

Nodding with disinterest, I close my eyes again and continue to drink milk in silence.

Kang Seojun, my new name.

Although I now talk properly with my mother as if nothing, at first I couldn't understand her words in the slightest, I wasn't even able to recognize the language she spoke, but I do have a faint feeling that it must be Asian because of her peculiar pronunciation.

Even to this day I can say that I can not master this new language, knowing how to speak only the basics and somehow having a vocabulary as dry as that of my mother.

Although it is something normal if we take into account that she practically taught me everything I know, even if it is not much.

I know how to speak, write some letters that honestly look like hieroglyphics, and nothing more.

They didn't teach me to add or subtract, they didn't teach me history, they didn't teach me science or anything similar.

Hopefully I know how to write my name and my mother's name.

Sigh

I promised myself that I would live life to the fullest....

Looks like it's going to be hard to keep my own promise.