THE SENSATION OF HIS HANDS

The rest of my day went by in catching up with the batch. Samantha, a tall, blonde trainer, took me through the modules I had missed.

'We are planning to go to a Melbourne Central

for some shopping,' my team girls announced in a chorus on our way back from the office. Of course, Piyush and Martin were accompanying the girls! I was not feeling well that evening so I deny them for shopping. Despite our conversation in the morning, I could not bring myself to discuss my personal life with Rajbir. He was my manager after all.

'He does seem to be very fond of Pihu,' Rajbir said to me, out of the blue over dinner. 'Jealously will take you nowhere. He has a life, and will always have friends. Some of them will be females, while some will be males. If you want him to love you back and respect you, then the first thing you need to do is to chunk the word insecurity out of your dictionary. I understand that boys like their girls to be involved, and a little insecurity is cute but just in the beginning. As the relationship grows, it is this insecurity which causes the most harm. As a women have confidence in yourself, and trust him enough to let him have friends.'

'But we are not in relationship yet,' I corrected him.

'Exactly! You are not even in a relationship with him, and you have a problem with his friends. Just imagine how quickly this will drive the men away.' He was right, but old habits die hard. I did resolve to work on it though.

That night I thought of ways to get know Piyush more, little by little. I still believe that the key to successfully beginning a conversation with a men is asking him for a coffee.

The next day, I went to work with a plan ready in my mind. I shall say it to him the moment I see him, I decided. But nothing goes as per my plan, does it? I sat next to him through all the training, and the group had lunch together, so I had more than a few chances to ask him for coffee, and yet I couldn't. Why? Because every time I looked into his eyes, they made me forget the world.

My Mom had once told me to fake confidence. 'How do I do that?' I remember asking her innocently.

'Close your eyes and visit your happy place,' she'd responded.

'Okay, here we go,' I said aloud to myself, sitting alone in the room that night after dinner, and I closed my eyes to visit my happy place. My happy place was the time when I had accidentally managed to accompany Piyush and his friends to Goa, this was after his break-up. One evening while all of us were merrily partying in a shack, Piyush walked out alone to take a stroll along the beach.

I too left my seat and walked to the stairs, but I did not follow him. I saw him walking along the beach, with bare foot. The water touched his feet as if the sea were kissing them. Slowly, as the minute passed by, the orange sun melted into the deep-blue ocean, painting the sky in different shades of red----the colour of love. Soon, the ocean and the sun become one, and the place became darker, giving them the privacy they needed. Distant rays fell on Piyush's face, making him look even more handsome. All I could hear was the crash of waves rising and falling like a song; all my eyes could see was Piyush, at a distance. He closed his eyes to savour the beauty of love, and I closed mine to freeze the moment forever, and this has been my happy place ever since.

The next morning, co-incidentally, I bumped into Piyush at the coffee shop at the apartment building. He was dressed into a blazer and a formal suit. I instantly noted that he was looking different that day. His bright and glowing face reminded me of the early morning sun---- bright, warm and enigmatic. We sat at the same table, and once our order had arrived I grabbed his attention. There he sat, opposite me, looking bold as a picture. I felt my heart thump so hard that it would have burst out of my chest, had it been possible. 'You look charming today,' I told him in a low voice, and in my heart, I knew this was the beginning of a new relationship for us. How? You may ask. It was the way he replied that told me. Piyush tilted his head slightly and thanked me with the brightest smile, and then started fidgeting with his coffee.

That day we took our lunch break together at work, thanks to Rajbir, and chatted our half an hour away. We mainly spoke about Rohit and Zarah, but it is still one of the most memorable time in Melbourne for me.

Days passed, and conversations with him became more exciting and personal. A week later, Piyush planned an outing for all of us.

'Let's go to St. Kilda Beach,' he suggested, and everyone agreed. However, I was in no mood to go out in such a big group, and when I voted out, he walked up to me at work and jolted my world.

'Adira, are we not friends?' he asked me. Friends? No, I dream about you way too often for us to be just friends, I wanted to scream. I did not want him to friend-zone me. I had been lingering somewhere in that zone for so many years! How do I tell him to not see me as a friend? I wondered as he stood over my desk.

'What happened?' I asked him, instead of responding to his question and starting a war of words. I kept my eyes constantly glued to my computer screen. I could still feel his glaring eyes shooting dangers at me.

'Why are you not coming with us to the beach?'

To avoid being just a friend-----I want more, I wish I could have said that. 'I need to visit a temple instead,' I lied, knowing very well that he was a religious person and the excuse would spare me any further questioning.

To my surprise, he replied, 'I too have wanted to go to a temple ever since I came here. Why didn't you ask me? I thought you know that I usually visit a temple every weekend!'

I had to take my eyes away from the flat screen and look at him then; his voice had a sudden sadness in it. I had never heard his sound so disappointed. Is he disappointed in me for not asking him out? Or for forgetting that he visits a temple? Does he expect me to remember such things about him? I did remember that he visits a temple every weekend, but I did not take the fact into account while making up an excuse. Honestly I had no plans. I did not know where to find a temple in Melbourne, or even if there were any.

'I am sorry . . . ' that was all I could mutter after getting drenched in guilt from his words. 'Would you like to come along?' I asked him, trying my luck at some damage control.

'Yes, of course, Adira. He replied in excitement, and pressed my hand. Butterflies danced in my stomach, and the world around me spun at a speed unknown to mankind.

'What about St Kilda?' I asked him, forcing the stuck breath out of my lungs. By then Piyush had already walked four cubicles away.

'I hate beaches,' he said, and turned around, dazzling me with his smile. And like that, my friend, a day at work was successfully wasted. I could think of nothing else. I got no work done and hardly ate. My mind kept replaying his words, and my senses fooled me by revisiting the sensation of his hand on mind.

That night I didn't sleep a wink. No, my brain was not still acting up. I was up and awake because I could not find a temple anywhere in Melbourne where I could take him. My Indian colleagues mostly stayed forty to fifty minutes away from the city and hardly visited temples. Google Searches do not help you when you need them to. Finally at 3 a.m., I found what I was looking for.