Warm tears (part two)

"I'm sorry for acting like an idiot. I haven't talked about my brother since he died. Mum doesn't like talking about it." Rachel said, sipping on her coffee. "It feels like we're forgetting about him."

I looked down at the coffee Rachel made for me. It's milky and sweet. With the way she acts at school, I would have never guessed she felt like this.

Rachel had been leaning sitting beside be for a while, tilted her head onto my shoulder. "Have you ever lost anyone?"

I shook my head. "Sorry."

"You don't need to apologize, I'm glad." Rachel reached out to the light bulb. "It hurts so much. You think, it's over. You think, you can deal with, it comes back and hurts just as much as the last time."

I can understand that kind of pain, but can I tell her that? Would that help? If there's even the smallest chance, I want to try. "I can understand that."

"Really?"

"My dad…" I didn't know what to say. In Lilly's case, I had been so upset and angry, I confessed to everything. I couldn't do that now. This is about Rachel. I don't want to say anything bad about daddy. I don't want her to worry about me.

"Does he drink?"

Rachel glanced up at me. I looked away. She just gave me an escape. I could just say daddy drinks. He only hits me because of the alcohol. It isn't the truth. He hasn't drunk a drop in his entire life, or so I'm told. It doesn't matter. This way there's less to explain. I nod.

"Mum says alcohol is poison that let demons take control of people. I'm not sure how much of that's true, but I'm sure your dad wouldn't hurt you like that if he were sober." I nodded again.

Even though Rachel's trying to help me, but all seem to do in exchange is change the subject and avoid the problem. Rachel sits up suddenly and turns toward me. "You know, how about you come to my house whenever your dad starts acting up? I'll even make coffee, you know, if you want to."

Rachel's kindness is almost too much for me. I wish I hadn't lied to her. I wish I could do something to help her like she's tried to help me. Right now, it's looking to me like I'm a parasite, jumping from person to person and living off their kindness. First, it was Lilly, now it's Rachel. "I don't want to be a nuisance."

"Linda," Rachel grabbed my shoulders and turned me around so that we're facing each other. "I don't think you're a nuisance." I don't deserve something like this. There is nothing that I can even do. I can't even help the girl I like. "You've made me feel a lot better."

I felt tears running down my cheeks. No, I don't want Rachel to see me like this. I try to wipe them away, but before I can, Rachel pulls me onto her chest. It's soft and warm. Far away from the world I came from. Far from all the pain. I stop holding myself back. For the first time in a very long time, I let myself cry.