Chapter: 9 Raleigh

"Thank you for joining us today, on this somber occasion." Lucien's powerful voice boomed from the microphone below his lips. The pack in front of him immediately quieted and the pouring rain trickled out to a drizzle.

I stood by Lucien, scanning the crowd in front of us. My shoulders trembled, and I couldn't stop the tears from my eyes at the sight of two coffins that shouldn't have been there. Two coffins that I never wanted to see in my life.

"I am thankful you were able to put some time aside to join me and my mate today on this regretful day. I never would have thought that I would have to be standing here, but now that I am, we must address the heroes whose lives have been lost," Lucien said, his voice a deep, rumbling echo throughout the quiet crowd. A few of the wolves snarled, lifting their heads, their boiling eyes gleaming.

"The rogue's need to pay for their deaths!" A large wolf in the front roared. A few of the other men, now roused, growled in approval, but one glare from Lucien shut them down fast.

"I understand your anger." He said. "I promise you, we will avenge the Beta and Beta Female, but in the meantime, we must give time to those who have lost loved ones and honor them for their sacrifices to the royal pack."

The wolves who were once angry bent their heads in submission. Lucien had such a powerful voice, even with his enhanced Alpha strength, that I knew it wouldn't have been hard to dissuade the crowd from planning revenge so soon. He was just as angry, maybe even more, than they were, but he still managed to put on a calm façade and speak to his pack like the Alpha he was expected to be.

Gripping my hand, he turned to Conner, who was standing stone-faced by the funeral pyres for Logan and Drew.

I heard him take a deep breath, then nod to Conner, who, with one last look at the covered bloodied sheets, lit the bodies on fire.

The rain poured harder, thunder booming angrily across the sky. The clouds flashed with bright yellow streaks and released its anger on us, yet nobody moved. The fires did not die. They grew stronger, louder, higher.

I sniffled, wiping my eyes and shaking my soaked hair. It felt like there was a sharp fire pit in my stomach, growing angrier and hurt by each hungry flame that rose above the funeral pyre. Lucien pulled me towards him and this time, I let him.

Around me, wolves, male and female, all howled in agony, their Beta and Beta Female killed, murdered unfairly.

"Look!" Lucien thundered "Look for one last time at your heroes. At the ones who saved your husbands, your wives, your pups! They may be gone, but their soul lives in us! Their hearts, their strength, lives in us! We must fight! We must end this rogue issue once and for all!"

Wolves growled with renewed strength at every word Lucien spoke. His eyes were turning pitch black. Caspian was taking over. Feeding on his anger.

"We must end these rogues." Deeper and angrier, Caspian and Lucien both spoke at the same time. Many males were shifting by then, the women either shifting with them or retreating to their homes on the insistence of their mates. "We must show them what the consequence is of harming one of the Royal Pack. Of the Blue Wolf Pack!" Lucien howled and the wolves howled with him.

Still on revenge...what if all rogues aren't bad? I thought.

My eyes flickered nervously over to Jasmine and Cindy, who beckoned me over. I glanced up at Lucien, and while he was still talking with the pack, I slipped from his steady hold and numbly made my way over to them, shaking from the funeral and the cold of the rain.

"Come." Jasmine said, her hair sticking wildly to her face. "The men will speak of things that I would rather you not hear. Besides, you need to warm up. Wouldn't want you getting hypothermia."

"But, what about Lucien?" I asked, turning back to look at my handsome mate.

He caught my eyes and gestured with his chin towards Cindy and Jasmine. Go, he mouthed.

Sparing him one last glance, I followed a silent Cindy and a shivering Jasmine into the Alpha Palace, letting them lead me up to Lucien and my room.

"Are you okay, Raleigh? I know Logan was your best friend and..." Cindy trailed off and I sighed.

"Yeah, yeah I was close to her," I said. "She was the only one who understood me. Who actually wanted to be my friend, and not by force from the teachers in Woodbridge High. She was the only one who would get my jokes, who would spare me a second glance, who would always be patient with me." I tried not to, but I felt my voice choking up. Sobs slipped from my mouth and I broke down again, crying like a baby on the sweet-smelling bed that was Lucien's side. Cindy looked sadly at me, giving me a wet hug.

"Oh, sweetie. It'll be okay, I promise. I know we can't change the past, but Logan lives in you, Raleigh. We will avenge her, I promise." She tried to console.

I shook my head, another sob racking my body. "No!" I cried pathetically. "Logan's gone! Drew's gone! The only two people who didn't judge me my entire life are gone!"

I sobbed hysterically into Cindy's shoulder and she, just as Lucien had done last night, only rubbed my back and whispered soothing words into my ear until I could calm down.

"I'm sorry," I whimpered, wiping my nose with my sleeve. Cindy chuckled slightly, wiping my eyes.

"Don't worry about a thing, Raleigh," She assured. "We're all here to help each other. No matter what, a pack sticks together."

That brought a smile out of me.

"Lucien really knows how to rile up a crowd," I said, looking out the window. Cindy shook her head, smiling.

"Yeah. The Alpha's the best we've got. He cares for us, and he makes sure everything is up to our expectations. He's the best you'll ever get, Raleigh," She said cheekily.

I blushed, shoving her shoulder playfully. Next to us in the bathroom, Jasmine was filling up a hot bath to warm up in.

"Really? How long has he been Alpha?" I asked.

Cindy hummed, staring up at the ceiling as she thought. "Hm... a long time, actually...maybe a couple of thousand years? He's gotten experience, that's for sure." She said.

"Are his parents still alive?"

"I know his mother is. As for his father...it's a mystery. Some say he died; others say the Alpha is holding him in the dungeons below...but that's usually a rival pack spreading rumors since nobody wants to tell the Alpha King that face to face."

"Why?"

"Because, as Alpha King, Lucien has full authority to...well... relieve an Alpha of his duties and make the Beta, or anyone he so chooses as deserving, as the next Alpha of that pack. While he does do routine checks every year, which is what he was doing at your school, the Alpha doesn't usually kick lower Alpha's out of their positions." Cindy snorted. "Except for Darius."

"Darius?" I frowned. "Who's Darius?"

Cindy opened her mouth to explain, but Jasmine chose that time to exit the bathroom. She smelled of the same shampoo Lucien used, which probably meant that she had showered too.

"Bathroom's all yours, Raleigh. I put a towel there already and put some soap onto a tall loofa. All you gotta do is shower," Jasmine said. She winked at me, then took Cindy by the arm.

"C'mon Beta Female to be, we've got a shower waiting for you." She said.

Cindy groaned, pretending to be the victim as she let Jasmine drag her away.

"See ya later, Raleigh!" She managed to yell before Jasmine shut the door with a click.

Now alone in the room, I did a 360 of the once lively palace and trudged to the bathroom. As I stripped my clothes away and stepped into the hot shower, I realized that the palace was so empty without Lucien here. Even if he wasn't verbally discussing anything with me, it still felt good—safe to know that he was behind that door, lying on the bed, waiting patiently to help me.

A warm feeling buzzed in my stomach as I thought of him. Of his strong features and toned chest. Of his sweet whispers at night whenever I'd jolt or his patience with me whenever I blabbered about nonsense or even just cried to him. That warm feeling in my stomach returned, and as the voice in my head sang its motherly tune to me, I realized something that made my body freeze, the loofa once in my hand clattering to the tiled shower floor.

I was falling in love with Lucien.

So, this is what love felt like? Why hadn't I noticed it before? Why hadn't I thought of it before? That tingly, sweet feeling whenever he's around. The floaty and easygoing feeling I had whenever I was around him; feeling like I didn't have to wear my mask with him.

In only a few days, I had begun to fall in love with Lucien! I didn't want to accept that feeling, though. It was too soon. I knew hardly anything about him or about werewolves apart from what I had read. How could I feel something for him already? It was too soon...it couldn't be love already!

Finally, being unable to take the somehow scorching heat, I turned the shower off and stepped into the cold, brisk air around the misty compartment. My mouth shook and I trembled as I stepped into my clothes, foregoing my pants for a skirt. I lay on our bed, my hands still shaking as I repeated that very phrase in my head over and over again.

I was falling in love with the Alpha King of North America!

I glanced down at my body lying on the bed. My skinny, unshaven thighs and legs, cold yet smooth to the touch. My bumpy arms which to this day doctors have no clue how they got there. My chubby face and dimpled cheeks. My light brown skin covered in marks from previous orphanages and foster homes.

Tears pricked my eyes, but I was done with crying. Done with pitying myself. A surge of power filled through me and the voice in my head seemed to grow louder, although I couldn't exactly comprehend what she was saying.

I may not like my body, I may not be able to do many things, I may not look like other girls— —but I didn't care.

This happened often—me thinking that I was on top of the world and getting the feeling of wanting to accept myself for who I was. I was me, and I knew it. I knew I'd never been perfect. That I'd never be that perfect blonde girl in the locker room. But I was me. And with this newfound surge, I realized that if I wanted to love Lucien, I first had to love myself. I had to learn how to enjoy my own company, my own body. To accept me for being myself, no matter what happened.

I wasn't sure how I was going to start, but maybe Lucinda's counseling would be a good beginning. Lucien trusts her, it seems. So maybe I can trust her?

At that moment, Lucien poked his wet head through our door, his bright golden eyes surveying the room until they landed on me. His face lit up in a smile and he strode over to me, closing the door behind him. Sighing, he dropped onto the bed and accepted the towel I handed to him. Luckily, only his hair was wet, nothing else.

"How was it?" I asked. I touched his arm, and his hand curled around my wrist.

"It went well. The pack's seething for revenge... I am too. But we have to let Logan and Drew's parents heal, as well as anyone else who was close to them." Lucien smiled sadly at me. "How are you faring? I know—I felt your pain during the funeral."

My shoulders slumped. "It was...hard," I admitted. "Hard watching Conner light that pyre; hard knowing my best friend is gone."

Lucien, now dry, pulled me onto his lap easily, his arms caging around me as if to promise I wouldn't suffer the same fate.

"Everything will be okay soon. I promise. I'm going to interrogate those rogues that we caught soon after Greg leaves. Maybe I can get some information out of them."

I frowned. "How will that work? Isn't the usual law of interrogation to be quiet and refuse to speak?" I crossed my eyes, frowning. "Or maybe I watch too many crimes shows?"

Lucien, for the first time that day, threw his head back and let out a loud, pleasing laugh. "Sort of like a crime show." He said, threading his fingers through my hair.

I sighed at the contact, leaning into his touch. "When will you question them?" I murmured.

Lucien hummed. "Maybe next week. Or this weekend, depending on how quickly my pack heals."

"How quickly do they heal?"

"At most...three days? Maybe four? Our thirst for revenge is stronger than our sorrow, as of right now," Lucien explained.

"How will you get revenge?" I asked.

"Well, first I have to interrogate other packs, to see if they knew anything about the attack. Then, I go to the pack where the rogues came from and talk to the Alpha, in case he knew anything, which I bet he did. After...we either go to war or take it to The High Court."

"What's the High Court?"

"The High Court is like the Supreme Court, except for werewolves."

"Will you go?"

"Most of the time, yes. I go to the High Court. Sometimes though, not for a long time, my pack has gone to war with another."

"How long has it been?" "A couple of centuries."

As Lucien spoke, my mind traveled back to what Cindy had been telling me earlier in the day, about Alpha Darius and what Lucien did to him.

"Lucien?" "Yes?"

"Who's Darius?"

Lucien stiffened. "How do you know about Darius?" He asked.

I shrugged. "I heard it somewhere." I lied, not wanting to get Cindy into trouble.

Lucien shrugged. "Darius was an Alpha who had horrible intentions towards women," he said, specs of black forming in his golden eyes. "He had hidden them carefully underneath the ground, hoping I wouldn't know about it. Somehow, one woman escaped and came to my pack. Now that I had all the information I needed, I kicked Darius out of his role as Alpha and made his Beta, Gregory, in charge." He explained.

"You didn't kill him?"

"No, but I gave him the choice. He was smart enough to simply get the title as a rogue." "Is this Gregory the Greg you're saying is going to be coming today?" I asked.

Lucien nodded. "Yes. But I promise you, Greg won't even think about hurting you, not with the place you're in. He's the Alpha of a pack in Rahway, and he's also mayor, so it helps." Lucien ran a hand through his hair. "But enough about rogue and Alpha talk. I came to spend time with my mate."

I smiled, looking at the ground from my seated position. "Don't you have work?" I asked, though I secretly hoped he didn't. I didn't want to admit it out loud, but I enjoyed Lucien's company, even if my feelings grew much more mixed with each second, I spent with him.

"No. And even if I did, my job as a mate comes before my job as an Alpha."

My heart swelled with adoration, and with the way Lucien was looking at me, all I wanted to do was make him close that frustrating gap between us.

But I didn't.

"Lucien...remember how you said you'd wait for me to learn more about myself?" I asked suddenly, breaking the silence between us.

Lucien nodded, tucking a stray strand of hair behind my ear. "I remember." He said. I took a deep breath. "I think I'm getting there," I said.

Lucien's eyes widened and he sat up, pulling me with him. "What do you mean?" He asked, excitement barely contained.

I giggled. "What I mean is, while I still will never fully accept myself, I think I'm getting closer." I took another breath to steady myself. "I know I'll never be perfect, and I've accepted that. But I don't want to be perfect. I don't want to learn how to fix myself. I want to learn how to heal. How to love."

Lucien, who was in quiet shock as I spoke, suddenly jumped from the bed and spun me in the air.

I yelped, gripping his shoulders as he lowered me, still holding me a couple of inches in the air. His face was now level with mine, gazing into my eyes with so much adoration that they spilled like ichor from his lids.

"I can't believe you said that!" Lucien murmured, his happiness radiating onto me.

I raised my eyebrow, another laugh escaping me. "What do you mean? Was it that cheesy?" I asked.

Lucien suddenly cupped my cheek, pulling me to look up at him. The pad of his thumb smoothed along my bottom lip and it was then that I realized the proximity between us. The tight muscles and hamstrings on my thighs stretched and began to ache, but I was too enthralled to care. Too content with the atmosphere we had around each other in the now lively room.

Through the crack in the heavy grey curtains, the sun peeked shyly through the room, beaming its spotlight brightly on the both of us as Lucien laid me back on the bed, flopping next to me.

"No. It was far from that, Raleigh. I'm just...so proud of you. How did you figure it out?" Lucien asked.

I shrugged the best I could. "I dunno. I was just in the shower when I was thinking about...some things, and I realized that if somebody else could love me just the way I was, then why should I try to change myself?"

"That's right," he grinned at me "I love you just the way you are."

My heart leaped, and while he didn't simply say 'I love you', he did say something like that, which meant that our feelings weren't just because of the mate bond!

"Do you want to play a game?" I asked.

Intrigued, Lucien pushed up on the pillows, his eyes raving over me. "What game?"

"20 Questions," I replied.

Lucien smirked. "You really want to play 20 Questions?" He asked.

I nodded. "Yep, but nothing deep. Happy things. Funny things," I said stubbornly so that he wouldn't ask about my life before meeting him just yet. I wasn't ready to indulge him on that, no matter how much the voice in my head pushed me to do so.

"Okay. You go first," Lucien agreed.

I hummed in thought. "What's your favorite color?" I asked. He grinned. "That's easy. Blue. You?"

"Purple," I said. "Favorite Disney movie?"

"Hercules."

"Why?" I asked, curious as to why that movie out of all the Disney movies he had on his shelf.

Lucien shrugged. "Because he isn't afraid to die if it means saving the woman he loves," he explained, looking down at me.

My face heated up, but I refused to look away, which I think pleased Lucien a bit. "Well...I like the Lion King." I said.

Lucien chuckled. "Any reason why?" He asked.

Damn it. I blushed, now turning away. "I... may have had a crush on adult Simba. Don't judge!" I added quickly.

"No judgment, but..." Lucien, if possible, pulled me closer to him, as if keeping me from running. "You're mine."

I rolled my eyes, scoffing. "Whatever you say."

A low growl erupted from Lucien's throat and I changed my furry topic.

"Favorite book?"

"Fifty Shades of Grey."

"Really?" I asked. I must have looked pretty appalled because Lucien eyed me oddly.

"Yes? Why?" I bit my lip to keep my giggles at bay, even if it wasn't exactly working.

"Lucien, when I first walked into your room, all I saw was grey, so I assumed you read Fifty Shades of Grey as a joke. I didn't think you actually did!"

Lucien laughed. "Yeah, I did read that book quite a bit. What about you?" "I liked reading Dark Lover when I was thirteen," I said.

Lucien cocked an eyebrow. "Isn't that a vampire book? With Wrath and Elizabeth?" He asked. I nodded. "Yep. Did you read it?" I asked.

"Yeah. I read the whole series. Favorite song?"

"Depends. In English, French, or Hindi?"

"All three."

"Well, I like 'Not another song about love' in English and 'Yolo' in French. In Hindi, I like Duniya from Luka Chuppi." I said. "You?"

"I don't really listen to music, but I do like Coner Maynard and Queen," Lucien said.

I blinked. "Wow. Two names I never thought would go together in one sentence."

Lucien jostled me on his lap and it was at that moment that I realized I was still somehow sitting on him. Stealthily, I slipped off him.

"How many languages do you speak?"

I smiled. "I speak two—English and French, but I do know some Spanish. You?"

"I can hold a conversation in English, French, Spanish, Italian, Chinese, Japanese, Hindi, and Latin. Other languages like Portuguese and Russian I can only hold a basic conversation." Lucien explained.

"Damn." I gaped. "You know a lot."

"Living for centuries taught me a lot." Lucien moved his other hand up and I felt him toy with my wet hair, plaiting it and un-plaiting it. "This might be a bit of an invasive question, but do you want a family?"

"What?" I blurted. Well...that was an unexpected question for a get-to-know Q and A.

Lucien shuffled beside me, hesitant to repeat himself. "Do you want a family?" He repeated softer, as if he were embarrassed to be asking such a question.

I thought for a couple of moments before replying. Did I want one? I loved children, and Avery and Ananya were adorable. But would a child accept a cripple as his or her mother? Wouldn't I embarrass them?

"Do you mean... a family with you?" I asked quietly, almost shyly. "Yes. A family with me." He replied gently.

I breathed deeply, thinking once more before I replied.

"Yes. I do want a family one day." I said, adding the last bit so that Lucien or Caspian wouldn't get any funny ideas.

"How many?"

"Two. A boy and a girl." I said automatically. "Interesting..."

Silence covered us like a blanket, tense and somewhat awkward. Lucien's eyes shifted between black and golden, and his lips creased into an embarrassed smile. I couldn't help but smile as well. Caspian was surely giving him an earful.

"Alpha?" Conner poked his head through our door and Lucien straightened with a start, clearly not expecting Conner at this hour.

"What is it, Conner?" He asked, annoyance dripping in his voice.

I turned around, having to strain over Lucien's shoulder to see Conner.

"Alpha Greg and Luna Tania have arrived."