1 Chapter 1
I was finally moving out of the family home. I’d been living at home for almost twenty-seven years. It was a long time, I know, but my mother had passed away when I was only eighteen and my younger brother and sister needed me, so I stayed to look after them until they could stand on their own two feet.
I was in my room going through my things, sorting out what to get rid of and what I really needed. It was amazing how much stuff you keep, small mementoes from restaurants, theatre tickets, photos, school reports, and hidden deep in one of my drawers I found my old diaries. I sat on my bed and flicked through the first one, reliving some of my old memories.
I opened the first page.
* * * *
6thMay 2005
Today is my birthday and mom brought me this diary. I’m going to write in it every day and whatever I write will be our secret. Mom said diaries are for writing down your innermost thoughts, your secrets, things you can’t discuss with someone else but you have to get out. You can write whatever you want and no one will ever know.
I think it’s a good idea. I’ve been feeling funny about some things and have no one to talk to but I have to make sure I can find a good hiding place for you so no one finds out what I’m really thinking. There’s an air vent in my room under my bed. I wiggled around the edges with a knife and managed to get the grill off. I’ll be hiding you in there
* * * *
29thMay 2005
I’ve been so busy I forgot to write. Last week Donna came up to me and asked me if I was keen on Jason. Yuk, he’s a creep. I said no and she was relieved. She wants to kiss him. I’m repulsed at the very thought. Why would she want to kiss a creepy boy?
I’ve noticed Stephanie looking at me a lot in class. I like her. She’s fun to be with but she doesn’t want anyone else to join in our conversations at recess. She said she wants us to be exclusive. I don’t know what that means but I got all tingly when she said it.
* * * *
That was the start of what was to become the norm for me. I didn’t realize it at the time but being with Stephanie was the beginning of me becoming aware of my sexuality. I became conscious of the fact I didn’t like boys and was much more comfortable hanging out with girl friends. I had no desire to kiss a boy or even fantasize about going out with one.
One night when Stephanie was sleeping over, she came on to me. At first we were just wrestling around in bed. We’d begun by tickling each other and then suddenly she was on top of me and neither of us spoke. We just stared into each other’s eyes for what seemed like a long time and then she bent down and kissed me on the lips.
It was like a bolt of lightning seared through me. I loved it, loved the softness of her mouth on mine, her weight on me, and the feel of her small breasts crushing my own. When her hand slipped down between my thighs I felt my breathing stop. I was both terrified and excited of what was to happen.
She stared into my eyes as her hand stole in between my legs. She wiggled her wrist around indicating I should open them. I did. A whimper escaped me as she touched my slit. Then she was in and out of my folds, my pussy was wet with desire as she located my clit and rubbed at it.
I was so turned on I came almost instantly. I grabbed at her and threw her on her back. I ravaged her body, raining kisses everywhere, and when I made my way down to her pussy, I nuzzled in, licking and tasting her sweet nectar, fingering her and touching every inch of her body, loving the way she felt, the contours of her body, and the softness of her flesh.
We lay together that night holding each other and finally admitting we were different.
* * * *
Stephanie and I fooled around a little and some of that was in the diary too. I flicked through until the end, noting it finished in March 2007. In the next diary my entries were few and far between. Sometimes months would go past. I remembered my mom saying I’d be writing in it every day just like she did hers. I guess daily just wasn’t quite my thing. Anyway, I skipped a few more months until I came to, 15thMay, 2007.
