Homebound

Once I started homeschooling it was completely different. I spent an absurd amount of time having to learn multiplication tables up to 99x99 and read more advanced books and had to write essays on why some characters were wrong in their mindsets. My favorite was why the main characters in 1989 were ignorant and shouldn't have tried to fight when it was "better for them to follow their lives" and "listen to those who know better then them".

God the grooming is obvious to me now, but back then I had come to rely on my Grandmother as a pillar of support. Around that time my father who used to pick me up every weekend had another son who I said something about in the typical older child jealousy, I don't remember what, stopped coming around because "you might harm my real son." I the same month my mother and her new family moved to Connecticut for a job.

I was still open to others at this time and still craved my mother's love, boy that was gone. I can still kinda remember the sense of loss and feeling like I wasn't worth loving. for the next few years my grandmother would tell me all kinda things including the stories from earlier (Chapter 1) that made me see my mother in a bad light. Don't get me wrong, my mother and father ARE self-centered dip shits, they have shown time and again I don't matter, but those are stories for later.

Anyway, where was I? Oh yeah, abandonment issues. About a year after my mother moved away, Grandma filed for child support from my parents. All of a sudden my mom wanted me to live with her. I was 12? at this point and I fought it. I very vaguely remember telling the judge I would kill myself if I had to live with her. It was bad. Eventually my grandmother won that fight and both Mom and Dad had to pay for me. Well, they paid for stuff like Grandma's new PC and the cable. But you get the idea. Problem was things got worse. Child Welfare was called a few times and my getting hit stopped. Instead it was more mental. Calling me worthless and just like my parents. I really got depressed during that time.

I think I was 13 when the first time I "snapped" happened...