Downhill Without Breaks Is Fun In Movies...

"Without giving away the entire ending I ruined the evening again" =Senses Fail.

Looking back it all seems like a huge blur. You have your hero's,Kurt Cobain,Layne Staley,Evan Dando all doing heroin and sorta promoting its use. You have the movies Trainspotting,Drugstore Cowboy, and Requiem all advetising opioids and then you have that religious moment when you first really get high. Ya know where you go out lying flat on your back,awake but not yet quite asleep. Drenched in sweat but not comfortably hot. No longer depressed or bothered by your pitiful existence as a human seeking love. it's 12:56am october 9th 2020. i sit in my desolate room looking back at the events traspired in this past year. my body is covered in sweat. i have been smoking methamphetamine and injecting heroin for the past 12 hours straight. this past year i met a beautiful angel with whom i fell in love. there would be nights i would get a knock on my bedroom window at 2am to look out and see smiling angel eyes staring back at me. im not sure if id ever met my match before but in her i finally did. we were two of a kind. she dressed like me. we liked the same music. she was articulate like me. she was super affectionate toward me and i fell for her so hard. the drawback? she had a boyfriend with whom she loved. it was the most hurtful experience I had to endure until after arguing with her and not speaking to her for a week i recieved a text from my wife who ive been seperated from for years which read i have bad news. they found her this morning. i didnt even ask i knew and exploded into tears. at 23 just months shy of her 24th birthday she was dead. still to this day i cant get a straight answer on what happened. all i know is earth lost an angel that day and heaven gained one. in the wake of that tragedy this girl who id been talking to on facebook for quite some time decided since i was not in great mental shape and was using drugs out of control to send for me to come see her in California. i was so enamored with her. i never thought it would be possible to meet her because we were in two separate worlds. i come from the streets. it isnt bizarre to see a couple guns a couple ounces of heroin and meth laying around. people dying in my social circle has no shock value anymore. whereas she was a no drugs no drinking serious lifestyle. we listened to punk and lets say she liked the songs but i lived the life. i always tell people rancids and out come the wolves was written about me. i found her to be the most beautiful woman id ever seen.