1 Unable to love you
"I intend to be honest with you, Brendon. I owe you the clarity, I don't think I will ever be the woman for you. The endless unconditional love you surely aspire to seek from me."
Claire said, afraid to look at her boyfriend's gaze. Scared to even perceive the image of his heart's breaking at her piercing words.
But what induced mixed emotions of fright and guilt was that the aftereffects of the confession wouldn't hurt her as much as she was supposed to. Because she didn't love him as much as she shall love her boyfriend.
"What…?"
Brendon's voice broke, gawking at his girlfriend with an underlying begging gaze. Hoping that his own ears heard it wrong.
"What do you mean?"
He questioned Claire once again by demanding an explanation, but his tone sounded no less than a homeless kitten who wanted to be loved.
"You know that I don't love you." She confessed the cruel truth, this time in a curt tone.
Something that hurt her from the bottom of her heart, solely because she felt guilty for not being able to reciprocate his feelings. Claire and Brendon had known each other for almost three years already, the first day they met he already fell in love with her.
In her last year of college she decided to give him a chance and date him. In desperation hoping that as years passed the friendly affection of hers would eventually turn into love and her feelings would bloom like flowers in the spring. Which obviously never happened, simply because she didn't feel the love sparks.
Two years passed by from that day; yet nothing changed. Claire didn't feel her stomach fluttering upon Brendon's touch. There were no firecrackers exploding under her skin when he looked at her. Claire was dismayed when not a single shiver invaded her spine when their lips touched.
Nothing at all! She couldn't force love upon herself.
Yet Brendon couldn't accept the fact she didn't return his feelings.
It was the second time they had confronted that matter, yet Brendon seemed unable to comprehend that unlike him, she wasn't in love with him. She loved him as the precious best friend who had always been there for her, since they met, but nothing more than that.
The seed of the passion between them never grew into a flower and day after day she pondered only to realize that maybe the problem was perhaps her. Maybe she was incapable of falling in love? Or maybe she had never met the right person because she was too busy being imprisoned in that relationship for more than two years now.
Claire had met boys she deemed attractive and subconsciously wished to do indecent things with, but the next day she would barely remember their existence at all due to the lack of vibe.
"I know you don't love me..."
Brendon replied, leaving Claire to wonder if he was honest about it or lying to both of them with an underlying negligent attitude.
The point wasn't even knowing but it was setting her free, whenever she tried to talk to him about that matter and tell him that in those two years she didn't success her purpose to return his feelings. His answer was that he knew, then duly he reminded her how much he loved her and how much he did for her during those years.
So she felt guilty and mad both at him and herself, he would end up begging and almost angrily persuading her to give him more time because he wanted her to be with him more than he wanted her to be with someone else. He'd rather stay with her even if she didn't return his feelings than her staying with someone else who she truly loved.
"I don't want to lose you…" he whispered.
"I know that if you break up with me you will lose me because I won't even be able to look at you in the eyes. Can't you try a little harder to make this work?"
A huff escaped from his lips, while Brendon was still persistent in coinvincing her. His determination was remarkable but perhaps it was futile. Would she fall this time too?
"Give me two months more. Maybe by moving in together, you will eventually grow feelings." He changed his approach to a more gentle one.
Claire tried her best not to roll her eyes at his desperation and at the same time not to shrink in guilt. She almost pitied him, he was still clinging onto the hope they would become a thing. When it was more than obvious the only love Claire felt for him was only friendly affection.
"I don't want to keep you hanging again. Brendon, please don't make things worse than they already are. You are the only friend I have and ever had. By breaking up with you I am also breaking with my best friend, whom I am certain of to be there to cling on his shoulder on my dark days."
As Claire pleaded to him to have mercy on her, finally their gaze met, comprising a combination of anger, disappointment, sadness, guilt and bitterness.
"Two months. If in those two months you won't fall in love with me then I will leave you in peace.This is a promise."
Brendon swallowed down the uncertainty of his words, sounding sincere yet broken with the little decency he still held for himself. Weren't two years already enough for him? Probably not.
A man who stayed with a woman he knew would never return his feelings for over two years shall be called desperate or a pathetic lovelorn?
Just like a girl who doesn't have friends beside him would accept to stay with him and date him not to be alone shall be called miserable or easily pleased?
"If this is what you want then… I will move with you."
She once again, nodded, inwardly wondering how long that situation would persist for? She was too weak for arguing or for being left from her best friend too. She hated herself so much that she almost hated him for forcing her for his own selfishness.
Claire gave up forcing a smile. She didn't want to lose her best friend, even if her heart didn't pump as hard as it should have.
It still raced in affection, enthusiasm and happiness when they spent time together. She had an amazing time with him, and if she thought of a perfect best friend she would think of him.
Ten hours later, Claire's mind didn't change about her own emotions. But upon hearing for the upteenth time from her boyfriend she bestowed him one last chance. Claire turned the music on as she heard her favorite song playing on the radio while they drove towards his place.
"No!"
Brendon gestured with his two fingers to pretend he was shooting at his forehead with an invisible gun. Their taste in music didn't match, unlike their tastes in movies and in books. However, his gesture got ignored by Claire who sang along the radio animatedly.
Brendon's car stopped in front of a fancy resplendent mansion, with pools, at least two gardens, and as huge as at least ten of their apartment put together.
"This is where your brother lives at?"
Claire exclaimed as she ogled with her jaw dropped in astonishment. She knew he was wealthy but little did she imagine he was that rich.
"Yes, I told you he is the CEO of a big company. He is as rich as arrogant, so I suggest you stay away from him."
Brendon warned her beforehand as he clenched his teeth, perhaps recalling something gruesome.
"Don't worry, this house is so big I am sure I won't even meet him." Claire diverted the chat jokingly as she shrugged.
They crept out of the vehicle and reached the front door to knock on it. Claire held her breath in anticipation, meeting Brendon's brother was still something that made her stomach knot. Meeting your boyfriend's family was something serious, something that implied things were going well in the couple.
Whereas Claire and Brendon's relationship was hanging by a thin thread. The door opened, the person's scent enthralled her senses, and before Claire could even glance at him her heart unconsciously skipped a beat for some reason she couldn't decipher yet.
A refreshing fragrance anticipated her eagerness to look at the most handsome man she had ever seen in her entire life. He looked nothing like his brother and maybe that was why, her stomach knotted and her mouth dried. He was devilishly good looking, tall, broad and firm in his muscular figure.
His reversed annoyed expressions seemed as if he was unaware of his intimidating effect on women. The man's eyes were dark and deep like the night deprived of its stars to settle in his orbs. He tilted his head to the side looking down at them from his majestic figure.
The man's hair flickered to the side of his head and cascaded gently on his long neck. The poor enchanted Claire couldn't stop gawking at him, and in that exact second she felt it. She felt the feelings she so hardly chased for her entire life.
It was there, and found her when she least expected it.
Like a tumultuous storm in the summer, she got butterflies in her stomach for none other than her boyfriend's brother.
What a twist of fate was that?
Her legs shivered as if she just ran a marathon and when the man's gaze fell on her, just at that moment firecrackers exploded in her stomach. Why did her heart suddenly feel so heavy and at the same time so relieved? Why him and not her actual boyfriend -nonetheless than his brother.
Was that how love at first sight felt?
