Parker in the Park

"Momma? Can I have this?" Amanda looked over on the kitchen counter where Parker, the three inch tall boy, was standing and saw he was currently holding a single M&M. Somehow, he had managed to climb the edge of the lunchbox Amanda had set aside and had made it back out with the single piece of candy. 

It was humorous, seeing that it was half the size of his head, and Amanda marveled that he was able to get in and out of the lunchbox without getting himself hurt. He had been climbing a lot more recently, which set her nerves on edge. Amanda was determined to find a way to make his climbing a bit safer using rubber bands or safety lines. Something! 

In the meantime, she would just have to watch him a little closer, which was hard. He was quick and quiet, unnaturally so for a child his age. He also had a natural instinct for finding tight, quiet places to hide. Amanda had to all but ban playing hide-and-seek after she couldn't find him for nearly two hours just the week before. 

Parker, thankfully, was thoughtful and listened well enough when he heard the rising distress in Amanda's voice as she called for him to come out. 

"Please, momma?" asked Parker again as he readjusted his grip on the slightly melty chocolate candy in his hands. Amanda was brought back to the present and knelt to be at Parker's eye-level. It was something she read in a parenting book once, and it often worked well. 

"Parker, we are getting ready to have lunch. I don't want you to spoil your appetite, but you can have a tiny piece on the way if you sit by the lunchbox patiently," said Amanda. She knew waiting was hard for the toddler, but it was more about the exercise and less about ruining his lunch. Waiting and listening were essential skills and Amanda wanted to practice with him now. 

"Okay," smiled Parker as he toddled over to the lunchbox and sat down, keeping the candy in his lap and tapping the top as if it were a massive drum. Amanda knew this might not last long and quickly grabbed the rest of the things they would need including a few thick blankets for the ground, the books they were reading, a couple of toys, and a few little blankets in case Parker wanted to take a nap outside. 

Amanda decided that it might be nice to take Parker outside instead of having him cooped up in the house. Childhood was about adventures, even when the child was barely the size of her thumb. There was a different park with trees and a little stream that Amanda found online, and it was barely a five minute walk away. 

It would be a little risk, but a lot of kids were still in school for the day and Amanda thought it would be nice to get out of the apartment. She had taken two hours for lunch, taking off the necessary time, and was going to make the most of it with her adopted son. 

Besides, he listened well, and Amanda would be paying close attention to him at all times. 

Amanda packed her backpack, making sure the strap wouldn't pinch her front pocket, and went back to the kitchen to find Parker still sitting in the place she left him. He was still playing the piece of chocolate like a drum and, predictably, it had melted slightly and dyed his hands blue. He looked up at her and smiled broadly as he wiggled his shoulders in a "happy dance." He knew he had done well and was ready for his reward. 

"Thank you so much for waiting, Parker. You're such a good listener," praised Amanda. Rather than reply, he pushed the M&M toward her and beamed, his eyes eager for his prize. Amanda fulfilled her end of the bargain by chopping up the piece of candy into more manageable pieces and giving Parker two of the small fragments. He gripped the pieces with his blue fingers and began eating immediately. 

Amanda took the opportunity to secure the lunchbox to her backpack before snagging a few paper towels, wetting them in the sink, and shoving them into the edge of her pack. 

"Ready to go?" asked Amanda now that she was fully prepared. Parker considered the question before nodding, stepping up to Amanda's extended hand and climbing on. Amanda couldn't help but still feel in awe that only a few months ago he was shying away from her hand and trembling if she moved too quickly. Now, it was almost as if this was how it had always been between them. 

Just her and Parker. 

Amanda lifted her hand from the counter and readjusted her shirt one more before asking, "Do you want to go for a pocket ride?" Parker's soft brown eyes gleamed eagerly as he nodded. It was one of his favorite pass times, mostly because he liked being close to Amanda. His separation anxiety from her was getting better, but it was still a challenge when Amanda didn't respond fast enough to his calls for her. 

Amanda wanted him to know he could call, and she would always come, but being dependent on those feelings was not good. The adoptive human mother, however, didn't mind bringing him along wherever she went. She liked having him nearby and listening to his questions and random stories. 

She lifted her hand and held it flush with her pocket. Parker, knowing what came next, scooched over to the edge of Amanda's hand and slipped his feet into her shallow pocket before falling right on in. His mess of light sandy brown hair poked out from the top as he stood as tall as he could to watch where they were going. 

"Let's go!" Parker cheered as he threw his sticky, chocolate covered hands into the air. 

This pocket is going to need a wash Amanda thought as she gave Parker a little tap on the top of his head and left through the front door. 

"Now, remember our game? Sneak and Peak? If I say sneak, what do you do?" asked Amanda as she locked the door behind her. Parker, who wasn't listening as he was too focused on the chocolate fragment still on his hand, started humming to himself. Patiently, Amanda waited before asking the question again. "Parker? Remember your listening? What do you do if I say sneak?" 

Parker's eyes gleamed in recognition as he giggled and crouched down in Amanda's pocket, hunkering down in the bottom and holding very still. 

"Good job!" Amanda praised. "And what do you do when I say peak?" 

Parker was quicker on the draw this time and stood, jostling the pocket as he fought the fabric for a good grip. His little head poked out from the top of the pocket once more as he looked up at Amanda. 

"Good!" smiled Amanda. She clapped a few times which prompted Parker to start clapping and repeating, "good, good, good, good," over and over. 

She loved how talkative Parker was. It was almost hard to believe he was practically mute for the whole first month she knew him. It was understandable, given the circumstances, but there was nothing like hearing his sweet voice talk to her and ask her about the world around him. 

It was a feeling Amanda knew she would cherish forever, just as she would cherish their games and little moments, which is what they were doing now. 

Amanda continued playing the Sneak and Peak game as she walked down the sidewalk, across the road, and along the path until she saw the signs for the park she was headed toward. Amanda had a particular spot she was looking for and keeping the mind of a child from becoming impatient was the goal. So, it did. The game kept Parker occupied all the way until Amanda found a nice little place in the shade by a creek far enough away from trails or any potential people walking nearby. 

It was perfect. There was shade and sun as well as dozens of things Parker could see and ask about. He had such a curious mind. This was the perfect place. 

"Alright, Parker. Sneak, and no peaking," said Amanda as she set down her pack and began setting up the area. It was going to be a fun surprise for the child; at least, Amanda hoped it would be something Parker enjoyed. 

The blanket and towels made a kind of sanctuary on the ground. She set up the lunchbox and pulled out the books and a few little games that Parker usually enjoyed in a nice little area near the middle of their area. With everything ready, Amanda tapped the top of her pocket and knelt. 

"Okay, Parker. Peak," Amanda instructed. Parker giggled as he grasped the top of Amanda's pocket and jumped up, soft brown eyes peering up at her as he smiled. 

"Boo!" he exclaimed as he giggled, his whole body wiggling excitedly like an overstimulated puppy. 

"Oh goodness, you're so spooky," chuckled Amanda as she pointed to their picnic. "Parker, look. What do you see?" 

The child's eyes pulled away from Amanda to the scene below him. He was still for a moment as he looked down and out. His silence almost indicated confusion, but seeing his toys and food laid out quickly processed in his mind. 

"What's that?" he asked, his arm wrenching over the top of the pocket so he could point. 

"It's a picnic," explained Amanda. 

"Picnic?" Parker asked. 

"Yes, a picnic," Amanda repeated. 

"What's that?" echoed Parker. 

"A picnic is when you eat and play games outside," said Amanda as she reached toward her pocket. "Want to see?" 

Parker nodded and, with little help, managed to climb out of the pocket and onto Amanda's hand. Setting him on the blanket was a bit of a trick, seeing that the uneven and slightly unstable surface of the blanket seemed to make the miniscule child uneasy. It was the grass underneath that made the blanket a bit difficult to walk across, which was something Amanda hadn't considered. She thought the blanket would make it easier for Parker to walk across, but elements actually seemed like a trampoline for Parker, giving way under his step and springing back when his entire weight wasn't on it. 

Still, it didn't seem like he would be deterred for very long. It took only five minutes for Parker to understand how to move across this new terrain and, soon after, he started running and bouncing across the trickier parts of the blanket. It was like his own personal game. 

"Momma? What's that?" asked Parker as he pointed to anything and everything around them. 

"That's grass. It grows inside and outside from little seeds," Amanda explained. She handed him a single blade and let him flip it around in his hands. 

"It's rough," he muttered as he pinched it in his fingers. Amanda hadn't really thought about the texture of grass before. To her, it had always been soft. You could cut yourself on the edges, sure, just like a piece of paper. Amanda then thought about Parker's perspective and all of the things he saw with him being so much smaller. 

His evaluation of the world wasn't inaccurate, just different. 

"Yes, it is a little rough," said Amanda. "Just like this rock." Amanda reached over by the creek and pulled a pebble from the edge that was more like a piece of gravel. She set it down in front of Parker, who crouched and rubbed his little fingers across the surface. 

"Rough and smooth. Rough and smooth," Parker repeated as he touched the rock and then touched the blanket. He flopped down on his bum as he continued examining the grass blade. "Momma? What's that?" The child pointed at the tree currently shading them. 

Patiently, Amanda explained everything around them over the next hour. She talked about the trees and the leaves and the grass and rocks. She talked about the creek and how the water helped smooth the stones. 

Satisfied with her answers, Parker eventually stopped asking so many questions and simply listened to Amanda as she read some of the books she brought while he chewed on his sandwich and chips. He played with his toys and asked questions from time to time about the book Amanda read to him. 

Like a little sponge, he absorbed all of her words and drank in every little answer she gave. It was mesmerizing watching him learn. They finished the first book and then the second and third. They were simple picture books, but it was still no accomplishment to be dismissed. 

It was when Amanda continued reading part of The Hobbit that she had started with Parker during that storm that she realized Parker hadn't asked any questions in a short while. She had been so enthralled in reading aloud to him and enjoying the day that his lack of questions hadn't crossed her mind as unusual. 

Amanda placed her thumb on the paragraph she was reading from and glanced away from the page to the spot where she expected Parker to be – but he wasn't there. 

Amanda's breath caught somewhere in her lungs and in her throat. She had to force air in her lungs as she tried rationalizing where Parker was. Maybe he had gone back to the bag of chips? Maybe he went over to get his piece of candy from the lunchbox? 

Amanda was careful when she pushed herself up so that she didn't accidentally crush or hurt Parker and scanned the ground for her adopted son. Despite her efforts, Amanda couldn't see Parker anywhere. He wasn't by the lunchbox, and he wasn't anywhere on the blanket. 

Every moment that passed made Amanda's heart race faster. Her mouth was dry. She felt her hands starting to shake. She abandoned the book, head whipping from side to side, as she searched the ground. 

"Parker? Parker!" Amanda called as she carefully maneuvered around to see behind her and beside her. Still nothing. Amanda feared for a moment that he might be trying to play Sneak and Peak on his own without telling her. It had only happened one other time, but she was grasping for straws at this point. 

"Parker, peak. It's time to peak," called Amanda as she tried to choke down the rising panic in her throat. She felt her whole body shaking as she failed to find him. 

How could this have happened? He was right there! He was right there with me the whole time! How did he get away from me so quickly? 

Amanda felt tears welling up in her eyes when she heard the smallest "oooff" sound. Her eyes immediately fell to the corner of the blanket by her feet, which was closest to the creek, and spotted Parker. 

He was climbing back onto the blanket with something in his hands. There was a big smile on the child's face as he toddled across the uneven surface back toward his spot on the blanket near Amanda's shoulder. 

Amanda choked back a sob of relief as she leaned over and scooped up the child, bringing him close to her face. 

"Parker! Where were you? Where did you go? Do you know what could have happened if I couldn't find you? What would have happened if you fell in the water? What would have happened if you got lost? You could have been really hurt, Parker. Do you know that?" asked Amanda. Her whole body was shaking. Parker's bright eyes, which were filled with confusion, turned to sadness as he read her facial expression. He had no words and only a soft whimper escaped him as he held whatever it was he found closer to his chest. Tears started dripping down his cheeks. 

She didn't want to scare the child, but he needed to know it wasn't okay to just wander off. She took a few deep breaths and carefully brushed Parker's back with her thumbs, keeping him cupped in her hands carefully so he didn't get scared. The last thing she wanted was to make him scared of being held or being near her, even if he was in trouble. 

"Parker, I'm not mad. I was just scared. Okay? Momma was scared. I didn't know where you went," reassured Amanda. She rubbed his shoulders as Parker whimpered a little and wiped his eyes with the back of his hands. 

He took a few deep breaths and sniffed pitifully. 

"Parker, it's okay. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to scare you. I was just scared. I couldn't find you. You shouldn't wander off on your own, okay? It's dangerous to go somewhere without telling me," said Amanda. 

It took a few minutes to help calm down the toddler, but eventually his breathing resumed normally except for the occasional sniffle. Guilt plagued Amanda. She was worried that she had spoiled a perfectly good day by scolding him for running off on his own. 

To help turn it around, she nodded toward the thing in Parker's arms and asked, "What did you find?" 

Parker took a few deep breaths and held out the thing he found. 

It was the top of an acorn with the stem still attached. It was about as big as Parker's torso, but he didn't seem to be having a hard time carrying it. It was such a sweet, innocent sight. He probably didn't go too far to retrieve it, but that wasn't the point. He had left and Amanda couldn't find him. Any child vanishing would have sent any parent into a panic, but Amanda felt this feeling amplified ten fold because of Parker being so little. He was already so small and helpless. 

Still, Amanda would find a solution for this later. For now, she wanted to make sure their day ended pleasantly. Her break was almost over after all. 

"Oh? You found an acorn cap?" asked Amanda. She felt herself suck in another breath as she breathed calmly. "Is it rough or smooth?" 

Parker ran his fingers over the top of the acorn and mumbled, "Rough." 

"Rough? Yes. It is rough. Rough and bumpy," confirmed Amanda. Parker muttered "bumpy" over and over. Then, inspired by childish creativity, Parker raised the acorn to his head and placed it on top like a hat. He smiled bashfully up at Amanda, which made her laugh. 

"Yes, that makes a wonderful hat," Amanda chuckled. 

"Cap hat. Cap hat," said Parker. The tense atmosphere dissipated and, just like before, all felt good and wonderful; and just in time too. The alarm on Amanda's watch went off, signaling the end of her lunch break. 

"Okay, Parker. It's time to go home. Ready to go?" Parker nodded in response to Amanda's question and slipped into her pocket without issue. As Amanda packed up, Parker began repeating, "Sneak and Peak. Sneak and Peak," while bouncing up and down in her pocket. 

"Yes, sweetheart. Sneak and Peak. Ready?" 

The adventure home was uneventful, and the game went flawlessly. 

However, in the back of Amanda's mind, she worried that she couldn't go and do an activity like this again with Parker out of sheer worry that she would lose him. Her mind was already reeling with possibilities of how to keep him safe while letting him experience things like a normal child. 

There was a solution. She just had to find it. 

Until then, perhaps they would just have picnics inside.