1 Chicken sees a Salad

''I have never felt so humiliated in my entire life, there I stood on stage with this bright ass light in my face, sweat dripping down my forehead, the whole auditorium silent, waiting for me to say something. What was I to do or say? I just knew I blew my chances with Juilliard, I just knew it. I wanted to just cry, maybe if I cried enough it would washout the auditorium but, then I remembered the lines, thanks to Ms White mouthing them to me and the performance was back on. The scout came up to me after and-,'' I paused when I realised Zack hasn't focussed on me or anything I was saying.

''And then he shot me and, I died,'' I said, my tone flat.

My best friend just nodded and made some sort of sound to let me know he was listening, yeah right.

''True story and then my twin took over my life, in fact, I'm the twin right now and, I'm on a mission to hunt that Juilliard scout and kill him for killing my sister.''

''That's great. So what's the deal with her?'' Zack asked me, his eyes not moving from someone that was behind me.

I sighed, I knew he wasn't going to listen to anything I had to say if his new love interest wasn't involved. So, to appease his curiosity, I glanced over my shoulder to see Mindy Louve. Mindy sat with her friends one seat over, she had her jet black hair in a ponytail straightened like a barbie doll with porcelain skin. She was most likely wearing black jeans and a crop top, her signature style, but the pink bomber jacket she had on was blocking it. Mindy was an okay individual, she was on my gymnastics team but we never really talked a lot. From what I heard though she's nice, I guess.

''That's Mindy Louve. She's alright and, she does gymnastics. She's friends with Linda though,'' I said to him turning back around.

Linda was one of the many girls Zack has 'dated' in the past. Their relationship, however, ended very poorly, Linda moved schools because she couldn't focus on anything but him and was going basically insane from it, that's what the rumours say at least. I wouldn't know, I try not to interact with Zack's conquests.

''She's a gymnast huh. Flexible people they are,'' he said finally meeting my eyes.

I'm a gymnast, I screamed at him in my head, but I simply nodded.

To any person who didn't know Zack, they would call him a playboy, while he acted like one, he really wasn't. He just gets easily infatuated with girls, unfortunately, I was an exception. I've always wondered why Zack never really thought of me romantically. Maybe I wasn't what he wanted physically or mentally in a woman? No, that can't be it, most of the girls he goes after are in one of my after school activities and, I was usually on the honour roll not always though. Maybe I wasn't social enough? No, that can't be it, I was well known, not liked, but known. Maybe that was it, I wasn't liked by all and Zack was always a people person. It's not my fault, to be honest, I tried but, they were only interested in getting something from me.

''How should I approach her?'' he asked his eyes going back to her.

''I heard she's not doing well in Chemistry. You could offer to tutor her,'' I suggested against my better judgement.

Sure, I was basically in love with him and, that is why I help him, so he can experience what he wants and hopefully come back to me. The only problem I have with that is he gets so caught up with his new girl that he forgets I'm still alive. Truthfully that's why I'm a part of so many clubs, to distract from loneliness and despair.

Dramatic much, geez

''That could work, thanks,'' he said and got up to go win over Mindy. Which isn't very hard, seeing as Zack was a very charismatic person or maybe that's my biased opinion.

I give it two weeks, I say to myself as I got up to go eat my lunch in the library. I don't need to hear the love of my life making another woman laugh.

I should get some friends, I tell myself oh, and stop talking to myself so much. I added both things to my list.

.....................................................

I stood outside of the school, watching the leaves fall and blow across the car park. I wasn't interested in actually watching leaves change colour, it was merely a distraction. I was waiting for Zack so we could go home together, today we were going by his house to watch some movie. It was our tradition, every Thursday.

Just as I was about to go look for him inside the school, he texted me.

Zack: Sorry, I took Mindy home, her car wasn't working.

I did notice her car was still here, but I just assumed they were somewhere inside doing the devil's tango or variations of that, whether it be less extreme or not.

Not going to lie, I was hurt emotionally and physically. I've been standing here for about an hour, my ankles felt swollen. I learnt from a young age, though, to shake things off, what is huffing going to do? Are tears going to wash away my problems?

No, but it sure did help relieve stress.

No matter how often I tried not to cry, I always failed.

I took a step towards the gate looking down at my fuzzy boots to avoid the non-existent judgemental eyes of passers-by. A brownish-orange leaf floated into my path and deciding to indulge in a childish pleasure of mine which is to stomp on it, half to hear it crunch and a half to relieve some pent up anger that I wasn't allowing myself to admit. Today, however, just wasn't my day because it didn't crunch. I've been disappointed a few times in my life but, this was just awful. Why is the world against me?

I kicked the leaf or at least tried to, all that happened was me rubbing the toes of my boots against the ground and face planting. Thank heavens the car park was basically empty at this point because I don't know what I would do if somebody started laughing at me. Probably fight them and lose or maybe I'd win, I have been taking boxing lessons for a while now.

''What did the leaf do to you?'' a voice asked as I lay on the ground too exhausted to move. Darn it.

Pushing myself up and, I looked behind me to see a guy with blond hair parted down the middle with some dropping in his eyes. I know him, not personally, but I know his name. It's Kevin something or the other.

''It didn't crunch,'' I mumbled like a child, as I fixed myself into a criss-cross apple sauce position.

He looked down at me and nodded, but his eyes showed how much he wanted to laugh.

''A crime punishable by death,'' he said, his voice serious.

''It's not nice to make fun of people,'' I told him squinting my eyes up at him.

This caused him to laugh a little,'' I'm not making fun of you.I'm agreeing,'' he stated matter of factly.

''Sure okay whatever you say, Kevin,''

He plopped down in front of me in the same position as I am. His hand stretched to reach for a leaf that was blowing by. Ripping small pieces from it, he asked,'' How do you know my name?'' Tilting his head slightly left, which resulted in his blond streaks to fall over and shade his eyes.

I felt my face get hot. I bet he thinks I'm some creepy stalker. ''I work on the yearbook committee and, I remembered you,'' I tried to assure him.

This didn't help though I think.

''It's just that I like your style and I tend to remember things I like,'' I tried to salvage my reputation.

He nodded, accepting that.

I really did like it though, it reminds me of e- boys that have been taking over the internet for a while. Today he was wearing a black thrasher shirt with a black and white striped long sleeve shirt that gave me Beetlejuice vibes. He paired it with black jeans and white vans.

Kevin got up and stretched out a hand to help me and I gladly took it.

''We should get going it's becoming dark. Where are you heading?'' he asked brushing off his jeans as I pulled down my skirt.

''I'm going that way,'' I said as I pointed in the general direction of my house. I wanted to shower and change before going to Zack's.

Sure he seems harmless, but I was not going to tell this guy where I lived.

''So am I. Is it okay if we walk together?''

I think he noticed my suspicion because he added, '' I just moved a neighbourhood over,''

I guess that makes sense.

We began heading home together.

''I like your style,'' I said as we walked.

He chuckled,'' You mentioned it, thanks by the way. We could go shopping together some time if you want.''

I hated shopping, but going with him seemed kind of fun so I agreed.

..................................................

''Stop..please...stop,'' I asked between laughs. My sides and jaw hurt from laughing. Turns out Kevin was a joker, but he was an expert at bad puns-my weakness.

He laughed,'' I have another. What do you call a chicken looking at a lettuce? Chicken sees a salad.'' he said before doubling over with laughter.

The joke was only slightly funny, but his laughter was so contagious you just had to laugh with him. Or at him, it wasn't too crystal clear, but I knew I was having a good time no doubt.

''Okay the last one, I promise. What is the difference between ignorance and apathy?'' he said after collecting himself.

''What?''

''I don't know and, I don't care,'' he said wheezing, out the last word.

We collected ourselves because we arrived at my house way too soon in my opinion.

''This is me.'' there was a silence.

''We should do this again, it was fun. I know my jokes are lame, you're the first person to laugh at them if I'm honest.''

I smiled at him,'' They're not that bad and, yeah we should do this again.''

''Bye,'' he said,'' Have a good night,''

''Wait, here's my number,'' I said and gave him,'' Text me.''

I ran up to my door and waved, he waved back before continue walking and, after trying to open the door, twice, it finally opened.

Not to my surprise, the house was silent. There was a note on the table by the door where the keys were kept. I didn't need to read it to know that my dad was on another trip and my brother was with his girlfriend. Today was the day I was going to try my recipe, in fact, I prepped everything the night before. I was disappointed, but I've learnt to live with it.

I needed a shower and a good movie. I decided that after the day that I've had all iI wanted to treat myself. Just as I was about to get in my phone rang, it was Zack.

''Hey best friend,''

He was going to ask me for something. He took my silence as the signal to continue.

''I know I bailed on you today with the whole movie tradition and not driving you home, but I also need to rain-check on your performance next week,''

''What?''I asked my voice even, but I knew he knew I was hurt and upset. We've been best friends since the forever, he knew my different tones.

''I know I'm a terrible human being, but Mindy wants me to watch her practise next week.''

Practise? He was going to bailing on my play to watch some girl he just met practice even though he has always hated doing that?

''You know how important this is to me right?'' he said hoping I would agree and understand.

He knows how important this is to me.

''Okay,'' I said before hanging up.

I stood under the piping hot shower head as I tried to block out the feeling of hurt and abandonment. This play was going to decide if I could go to London for spring break and I wanted as much support as I could, but he was flaking to go watch Mindy practise. Why does this hurt so much? I should be used to this, being thrown aside until I have a use. I shook my head, I willed myself to get rid of the negative thoughts clouding my head, but it only brought in anger. I didn't care he bailed on movie night, I kind of knew this would happen, but this play was more than important, it was essential for my future. I practised my butt off from this even skipping other club meetings to reverse. My dad said he would be there, but I didn't' hold it to him, even my brother decided to go probably because his girlfriend would be busy that night. I didn't know if they would be there, but I knew- well hoped my best friend would be there for me although, I may just be deceiving myself. He always did things like this, I don't know why I'm so surprised. Sometimes I wonder why we were even friends, maybe because we've known each other for so long so we felt that we should hold on to something that's not there anymore.

Just because something is comfortable doesn't mean that it's necessary.

I got out of the shower, I really need to stop stressing. My therapist said to let things go because holding on to too many things can kill me granted I'm sure she has no evidence, but who was I to reject the words of a professional? I decided to watch a movie and put on a mask to help me forget about what just happened. I was fuming, but I also felt like crying. Why was I never good enough? Not for my best friend, my dad, my brother and not for her.

Before I could delve deeper into my sad messed up mind I received a message from an unknown number, the person sent me a meme and, I just knew it was Kevin. That put a smile on my face, the first one since stepping into the cold, lonely house that I couldn't even call home. That night I slept dreaming of my budding friendship with Kevin, maybe life will turn out better for me in the end.

..................................