29 Social Anxiety

I tried to take the elevator, but when the door opened, there was someone inside.

It was a girl about 4 years old and her mother.

Elevators are dangerous spaces for me. It makes me anxious because it's a small space, and when other people are around, my anxiety gets worse. It gets even worse if that person starts talking to me.

"Hey, Get on quickly."

"Ah. yes."

I thought about waiting until the next elevator, but my body moved on its own at the urging of the little girl's mother.

The doors closed, and the elevator started to go down. The little girl holding her mother's hand was looking up at my face.

"Kirin, Say hello to brother, don't just stare."

"Hello, Brother."

"Hi."

I hid my anxiety and greeted the little girl with a smile. My heart was slowly tightening.

"I guess you're a college student?"

"Ah yes."

"Kirin is going to daycare." The girl, whose name might be Kirin, said.

"That's good. What is the name of the daycare center you are going to?" I asked.

"Sunflower Daycare Center."

"That's right~ You know well~." Kirin's mother said.

The child doesn't hurt me; it is the same for her mother.

But even though I knew it in my head, my anxiety did not stop.

The child and mother continue to have a meaningless conversation.

None of the content of the story entered my mind.

I responded appropriately and waited for the elevator to stop.

And finally, the elevator arrived at the underground parking lot.

"Kirin, you need to say goodbye to your brother and wish him a good trip, right?"

"Goodbye, brother."

"That's right~ you're good at it~."

I return the greeting to the mother and daughter, who smile and say goodbye.

Am I smiling properly right now?

Only after getting off the elevator was I able to breathe properly.

* * *

College life is rather comfortable.

There is no small place, and there are not many people to talk to.

When I listen to a lecture without hesitation, I don't have time to think about anything else. Because I am not smart, I have to work twice as hard as other people to follow the lectures.

After the morning lecture, it was lunchtime.

I ordered cream spaghetti from the student cafeteria.

The food came out quickly, and I found an empty table and sat down just as I was about to take a bite.

A female student carrying food spoke up.

"I'm sorry, but can we sit together?"

"Ah yes. Please."

Since it is a table for 4 people, it is natural to sit with other people.

I pulled the chair out a little and made room for her.

Then, three female students came and sat in the remaining seats at the table where I was sitting.

"Thank you."

The female student sitting next to me smiled and said.

I nod my head and resume eating.

Just having a stranger sitting nearby can cause stress. I also feel a sense of victimization, thinking that these people are looking at me.

I swallowed the unpleasant pounding and tried to focus on eating.

It's something I have to adapt to in order to have a proper social life.

After finishing my meal, I bought bottled water from a vending machine.

As I was about to open the cap and take a sip, someone next to me spoke to me.

"Hey, over there."

"Yes."

Water almost got stuck in my throat, but I managed to swallow it and answer.

Normally, others don't talk to me like this at school, but today was a strange day.

It's not like they're trying to help me quickly adapt to society.

The female student in front of me hesitated for some reason and opened her mouth with difficulty.

"Hey, if it's okay with you…?!"

A female student who had difficulty opening her mouth about say something. However, the mouth was physically blocked by another group of female students who suddenly appeared from nowhere.

"Ah, I'm sorry. She doesn't know much about it since she's still in first grade."

"Sorry, Sorry. I'm sorry, senior."

"We will handle it. sorry. sorry."

The female students who suddenly appeared profusely apologized to me and then repeatedly apologized to the people around them.

And the girl whose mouth was blocked was dragged away by the girls with her eyes wide open.

I couldn't help but be equally confused by that strange sight.

But is it okay, is that?

It's okay since they are all female students, right? And it felt like they knew each other.

It was too much for me to even take care of myself, so I decided not to worry about it.

After that incident, no one spoke to me.

Thanks to this, I was able to finish the afternoon lecture safely.