20 The Castle in the Sky (2)

I stood on the guardrail against the wind, trying to find the reflection of the "castle in the sky" on the flowing moat, but all I saw was the flashy city under the flashing neon lights.

After waking up, I realized I was actually so afraid of death, afraid of being drowned in the bottomless moat.

I turned around to look at Mi Cai, but she looked so indifferent, "Are you really not going to persuade me?" I frowned and asked Mi Cai.

"Why should I persuade you?"

"But I will really die if I jump down!"

"You're the one who's going to die, not me." Mi Cai said calmly.

I jumped down from the guardrail and angrily said, "I didn't misjudge you at all. You're a vicious woman. In order to achieve your goal, you're not afraid of letting others die."

"I don't have a motive. You, yourself, said you wanted to jump into the moat." Mi Cai said calmly.

I became even angrier. I pointed at Mi Cai and said, "Can you not be so calm and let me die? ... I remember I called to ask you to persuade me not to jump. According to the script I set, you shouldn't have acted like this!"

"When I came here, you were lying like a dead man. You won't jump at all, so why did you bother to call me? Is it fun to play with me?" Mi Cai's words finally contained anger.

I was a little sullen. I did jump out of impulse at that time, but who knew I wouldn't die? Suddenly, the alcohol rushed up and made me fall asleep.

I didn't know how to explain it to Mi Cai, so I said, "I really want to jump into the moat. Before I jumped, I remembered I still owe you more than 10,000 yuan. It doesn't matter if I die! However, no one would return the money to you, so I made up my mind and didn't jump because I was a person with a conscience and moral bottom line. I would never do something immoral like not paying back my debt."

"What a tragic story!" Mi Cai looked at me and said with a faint smile.

"Is it really tragic? You don't know how much I struggled at that time. On one hand, I will be relieved after I died, on the other hand, I was condemned by my conscience if I didn't pay back my debt. It was very difficult to choose! ... Of course, in the end, I chose to protect my moral bottom line with great difficulty, so I was still alive." I said with an exaggerated expression.

Mi Cai didn't seem to want to listen to my nonsense anymore. She stood up and prepared to leave.

"Wait a minute." I called out to Mi Cai.

"What now?" Mi Cai's tone was already very impatient. As she spoke, she put on the coat she had just used to cover me.

"Have you been sitting here watching over me since this afternoon?"

"I'm here to collect your corpse, not to persuade you. That's why I came in the evening." Mi Cai said calmly.

"Who are you bluffing? You came to collect my corpse and even helped cover me with your coat?" I exposed Mi Cai's lie with a meaningful smile.

Mi Cai looked back at me and said coldly, "Don't you know that a corpse will be covered with something to cover its face?"

I was rendered speechless by Mi Cai's words. I just stood there in a daze. My attention had also jumped out of my bickering with Mi Cai. Thus, the alcohol that had not been completely digested began to stir up trouble in my body again. I felt dizzy and a strong feeling of vomiting followed.

I lay on the guardrail and vomited into the moat and emptied myself. I had drunk too much in the afternoon.

After vomiting, I leaned against the guardrail and sat down. I closed my eyes and became more and more clear-headed. The scene of Fang Yuan and Yan Yan's wedding in the afternoon appeared in my mind again, followed by a tearing pain filling my body.

At that moment, Xiang Chen helped Jian Wei put on the diamond crystal necklace that represented a love token. I want to go back to the past, the past where I was happy in silence, the past where I had feelings and love…

But I'll never be able to go back to the past. I lost Jian Wei and can only watch her live happily in someone else's world!

Amidst the tearing pain, a warm feeling came from the corner of my eye. I seemed to be crying!

It must not be me crying, but the castle in the sky. It was using my tears to dissolve the sorrow in my heart.

"You're crying. Wipe your tears."

I opened my eyes. Mi Cai hadn't left yet. She handed me a tissue.

I didn't take the tissue. It was best to let the wind dry my tears so they wouldn't leave any traces.

Mi Cai squatted down and looked at me. Her tone finally softened as she asked, "Did I say too much just now? I shouldn't have joked at you for being a corpse."

I was silent for a long time before I said in a low voice, "Actually, it has nothing to do with you. Even if I really become a corpse, it would only hurt a little before I died. However, the pain of living is heart-wrenching… Do you understand this feeling?"

Mi Cai shook her head, "I don't understand. All I'm thinking about now is when you'll move out of my house."

"Do you hate me that much?" I asked with a smile. My tears seemed to have dried up.

"Yes, your actions really won't give me a good impression. You're a complete bastard!" Mi Cai said bluntly.

"Is that so? But you don't know the bastard in your eyes who did all kinds of bad things once had a clean castle in his heart!"

"I don't quite understand what you're talking about."

"You don't need to understand… Because today, this castle has already separated from my body and become a castle in the sky that I will never be able to touch!"

I lowered my head and fumbled in my pocket, but there was no longer a cigarette for me to burn away my melancholy and mend my broken soul.

Mi Cai didn't say anything else. She sat down beside me and leaned against the guardrail behind her in the same posture. Our surroundings became quieter and quieter as if the night had isolated us from the hustle and bustle of the city. A gust of night wind blew past, blowing out the equality of all living beings and extinguishing the fireworks of the mortal world!

I saw a cigarette on the ground that I had only smoked halfway before extinguishing it. I picked it up, blew on it, and lit it up again. The smell of tobacco spread out again and dissipated under the hazy light…

I finally said to Mi Cai, "I know you want me to leave. I'll move out tomorrow."

"Is it true this time?"

"It's true… I've even lost a castle, why would I care about a house?"

Mi Cai seemed to be curious about the castle that I kept mentioning. She asked me, "What does the castle in the sky you spoke of look like?"

I thought for a moment and said, "It's a crystal clear castle that's always silent. It has a magical power that can make people forget their troubles, pain, and vanity. When you live in it, nothing matters anymore because you'll transform into a crystal clear bird, breaking through all restraints and flying freely in the wind…"

"But the bird will eventually land on the ground. Will it still be crystal clear after landing?" Mi Cai asked.

"I don't know… Because I haven't thought about what I'll look like when I land."

...

Perhaps my pitiful appearance had aroused Mi Cai's sympathy. That night, she didn't abandon me by the moat. I sat in her car and drove towards the bustling and somewhat illusory city. I had already made up my mind that after this night, I would move out of that old house. Anyway, my life wouldn't be any worse. I might as well fulfill Mi Cai's wish and give her some peace.

On the way, we were silent. I understood this silence as Mi Cai was still unhappy that I had lied to her many times today. My current destitute and pitiful state couldn't completely extinguish the flames of her anger. She was already very kind to bring me back from the suburbs.

When we got back to our neighborhood, Mi Cai parked the car. We walked to the stairwell one after the other, but we were surprised to find Dad Ban sitting on the stairs at the stairwell. Beside him was the old black briefcase that had been used for decades.