25 Chapter 25 Sweet dreams are made of...

Zenith [pov]

Creak. Creak.

I struggle to close the door on my husband.

"H-Honey, isn't that a little cruel?" Paul uttered.

"You wanna talk about cruelty?"

"Sorry, bad choice of words, but I really do want to talk."

"Shouldn't you be doing your rounds right now?"

"This is part of my rounds… I'm just being thorough around this section. My wife does work around here."

"Does she? Tell her I said hi," I pushed harder, but Paul's boots are stronger.

Damn, steel-toed shoes.

"S-sweetie, please let's talk. We haven't talked since you kicked me out," he says.

I peek at the opening, seeing his pleading form, before relenting, and letting him in.

"Hmph, fine, come on in. It looks like you're not going anywhere, you might as well come in, you're letting the cold in."

Stepping away from the door, I let my husband enter.

"Thank you," he made his way in slowly, on guard, as if waiting for another push.

Tempting.

Sitting on the chair, I decide to wait until my son arrives. He wants to talk, that's fine. He can talk. To himself. I'll just read.

Where did I throw it?

Regardless, Rudy should be here shortly, I can endure a little while longer.

"Dear, honey… I… I am sorry. I know I did something unforgivable, that I hurt you, but I really am sorry. Can you take me back? Please? Don't you miss me?

I shoot him a look.

"...ok maybe not, but don't you think this is a bit much, we can't be a family where the husband sleeps out. It's cold out there. Don't you think it would be better for our family if you took me back and forgave me.

Not happening, and It's cold out? Who knew~ Oh, I did.

"Dear?"

"What do you want?"

"I'd like to come back home."

"No."

"Dear!"

"Why don't you ask one of the village women to take you in? What was her name again, Ada was it? Why don't you go to her house? I'm sure she'll gladly open her doors for you."

As well as her legs.

"A-Ada, why would Ada open her doors to me?"

I narrowed my eyes.

"Don't insult me. There's only so much free time a person can have. That woman shows up all the time when you're training. She's been showing up more lately, now that you're outside. How many times has she shown up while you're camping?"

From time to time I peek outside at him from the bedroom window, and I don't miss the sight of a brown haired village woman of approximate twenty years of age.

"Um… ah, she hasn-"

"And don't you dare lie to me! If you care about me at all, you will not lie to me!"

"...A lot… I don't keep track. She shows up every other day," he says.

That hussy. Her… him… everyone tries to take me for a fool.

Have they had sex as well?

"…Have you?" I let the sentence trail.

Just because I can think it, doesn't mean I can say it.

"No. I haven't. Like I said; the time with Lilia was a mistake. I'm sorry I hurt you. I want to come back home. I'm sorry," he grabs my hand.

I should slap it away… I should, but…

"How do I know I can trust you?" I look to the side.

"Zenith," he reaches out slowly to my face, gently turning my face to face him. Our eyes met. "I promise you, I won't lay a hand on that woman. That was… something I truly regret, it was not worth sacrificing our relationship. She is… a mistake. I have no intention of touching her."

"I… I want to trust you, but I…"

"Let me prove it to you. If you let me back in you won't regret it. Besides, you can keep a closer eye on me from inside the house, then outside it. Will you please take me back in?"

"I…"

"Zenith, what does your heart want?" he leans closer to me, bringing my face close to his.

Closing my eyes I… brace for a kiss…

Knock. Knock.

…before a knocking at my door, reminding me, no! Nevermore.

Someone arrived at the door, and with it, bringing the clarity I needed. Coming to my realization of what he's trying to do. I grab his face with my hand, and push him backwards. He falls on his rear, not expecting my reaction.

Not this time.

Upon his fall I stand, and make my way to the door. "You can't kiss your way out of this." I told him as someone opened the door.

"Mom, I'm sorry for being so late, I was training with Sylphy when I-" Rudy talks, stepping in, before he notices what's going on. He narrows his eyes, and looks at Paul in the room. "I thought that horse looked familiar," he whispered, redirecting his gaze at me. "Is everything alright?"

"Me and your mom were just talking-"

"And finishing." I interjected. "Your father, and I just finished talking. Let's go Rudy, it's a long walk."

Walking back to the table, I pick up my satchel, and try to pick up the suitcase next to it that has a few miscellaneous things from here.

Heavy…

Emphasis on try.

"…Rudy…"

"Yeah, I got you." he grabs the suitcase, and walks to the door.

"Dear…" Paul whispers one more time.

Rudy opens the door for me, and I stand there next to him at the open door way, showing my husband my back, before getting ready to say my mind once more. I turn around wanting to lash out, give him a lashing he deserves.

"You want to come back inside, you want to fix this, you want me to take you back, well I-" I turn, preparing to scream…

When I see him. When I truly see him with more clarity. I see… I see my husband. I see my pitiful husband. I see his scraggly unshaven face. I see his bloodshot eyes. And I feel his sadness pour through. I haven't seen him so pitiful since his father died.

Why is my heart so weak?

I turn my head to the side.

Damn, I'm too soft.

"When you're done with your rounds you can come back in, but you're sleeping in the guest room," I whisper, but in the silence that's present, it comes out as clear as day.

His eyes lit up. "Honey!" and he makes a grab for me, before I hold out a palm in front of him.

"But! Don't think for a moment, I've forgiven you. I just want you where I can see you. You're allowed inside the house, but that's it. That doesn't mean you're allowed to touch me," I let my arm down.

I have not forgiven you, but I also don't hate you, not completely. I'll allow him back into the house, but that's it. Yes, that's it.

I feel something warm.

I turn to Rudy at my side, and feel a small amount of heat emanating from him, his eyes twinkling a faint green deep in his irises.

Was Rudy about to cast something?

"Let's go Rudy," I declared.

"...Yes,"

///

"Rudy, are you mad at me?" I ask him.

We're walking along the snow filled path, Rudy bearing a kite I haven't seen, and a torch in his hand.

"No, I'm not."

…but you're not talking to me.

"Really?"

"Really."

No you're clearly mad at me, you're pouting.

"I see… is that suitcase too heavy for you? We can take a break before we get there." I proposed.

"It's fine. I'm letting my toki flow through me. Something of this weight is bearable enough for this walk," he continues walking silently.

Rudy…

"I just… I just want him inside the house, you know, where I can see him. I don't want him doing anything stupid again," I reasoned. Having my husband outside was a novel idea at first, he most certainly deserved it, but it doesn't set me completely at ease. And…

There's still a small chance we can work things out, right?

"Please don't be mad at me." I don't want Rudy to be mad with me. After my husband's betrayal he has been my rock, my pillar, my pillow? And I'd hate it if he suddenly became distant again, because of the weakness of my heart.

He faces me, and pauses for a moment, before sighing, "...and I said it's fine, really. You don't have to justify anything to me. I'm your son, whatever you want to do with your husband is your choice. I shouldn't be involved."

"I just don't want Rudy to be unhappy with me…"

Rudy tightened his hold on my arm. "I just want you to be happy, that's fine with me."

"Rudyyy!" I squeezed his arm as well. Nuzzling my face next to him.

Why did I ever think you didn't love me? I'm glad you're here.

While thinking that, I hear some trotting behind us, I turn to it, and see Paul coming down the road.

As we continue down the path, we meet. Slowing down his trot, he greets us, "See you later honey." he turns to our son, "Rudy…"

"Paul…"

I might be angry with Paul, but a part of me still loves him. Rudy… Rudy looks at his father with a look of barely disguised disgust.

They nod, acknowledging each other's existence, before parting ways. At least they can do that much, before Paul continues down the road, finishing his rounds.

I hope this is the right decision.

///

Rudy [pov]

Of course I wasn't happy with her decision.

But what can I do? I'm not gonna force her to be unhappy, just to placate my feelings. She should be happy, my feelings on Paul aren't important in this happenstance.

The original Rudeus used his own standing to convince Paul and Zenith to stay together. Convincing them that for the sake of the family, no, for the sake of him, that they should stay together.

How fucking absurd.

A marriage is built on trust, love, and sincerity. You don't have to be a social guru to understand that a marriage built on such an act, is unstable, and will fall like a house of cards. A wife and a husband should not stay together for someone else's sake. Not even if that other person is their own son. A loveless marriage that's only being held together for the sake of appearances.

Ridiculous.

That's not a marriage. That's a play. You're just playing husband and wife at that point.

What a farce.

That said, I can't say anything about it. In her emotional state my words have a lot of influence, I can sway her opinion one way, or another, but then it wouldn't be her decision but mine. I shouldn't do that. That will just be the same thing Rudeus did, but in the opposite direction.

So I'll hold my tongue.

Following our talk, what followed were our everyday slice of life interactions, a good meal, a good wash up, and a bit of casual reading. All's well it ends well.

Although, I still think those stories, 'fantasies,' are rather lukewarm, but what can you do?

Doesn't matter. In the end we just need each other's presence to cool us down.

"Rudy, do you think I'm weak for taking your father back?" Zenith asked.

Although, it seems Zenith still has some worries she wants to air out.

I don't think I did a good job at hiding my dissatisfaction, as evident by the fact that Zenith keeps dropping questions like this every other second.

Now with the day behind us, we are currently in her bedroom getting ready to go to bed. Per usual, we're wearing our sleepwear, her a night gown, me with a thin shirt, and light shorts. Both of us are ready to slip into bed, and put this night behind us. At least I thought so.

Zenith still feels like airing out some of her worries.

I get it, but let's just go to bed already.

I should really take up meditation. It would probably help with my temper, or atleast give me a better poker face.

"I think that what the heart wants doesn't always correlate with what you should want," I say.

Hint. Hint. Nudge. Nudge.

Stop being so insecure woman. I can't make every decision for you, what am I, your father?

This daddy does not remember giving birth to you.

…

Ok, that fell flat.

This is why I don't say everything that pops into my head.

Note to self; study under a comedian.

I prepare the blanket, giving it a good shake, before throwing it over her, and slipping into bed.

Heat Hands.

As I enter under the covers, I make sure to use a little warming up spell, and cast it under the covers.

I don't think Zeny has noticed yet, but I've been using heating magic to keep us warm under the covers. It's very warm.

Ahhh… that's the stuff… does this count as a Kotatsu?

That's it!

Note to self; add Kotatsu to the list of inventions I need to make.

…and profit.

Zenith snuggles up next to me, wrapping me up in her arms, under the covers. "You won't leave me Rudy… right?" she queries, her voice a little shaky.

…

Well… damn…

Of all the things she could have asked, but… I've already thought hard about this.

"I'm right here Mama," I look her dead in the eye. Eyes are windows to the soul after all. "I have no intention of leaving you during your time of need. I want to be by your side, and I will, so," I caress her face while I stare at her, "don't worry I'm right here."

For now.

We're looking into each other's eyes, and I noticed the bright smile that strikes her face.

Radiant… but…

I also feel a little guilty.

I should be a politician, with the way I talk around subjects.

Everything I said was the truth, but I left out a few details. Thank god she didn't ask how long I plan to stay.

She gives me a peck on the forehead, before hugging me closer to her. "Thank you. Good night, Rudy."

You really pull at my heartstrings… and not in the good way.

"Good night, Mom."

Honestly you're too good for me.

We hold each other tight, and go to sleep.

///

…or at least that was the intention.

Now I'm the one with unsung worries.

Guess I'm not going to sleep anytime soon. Getting one of my hands out of the covers I start twirling it, trying to direct a wind blowing to blow the drapes over the window. Hoping some late night star gazing would ease me to sleep.

It's been a hell of a day.

Should I count sheep?

As we lay in the bed, I reflected on the day we just had. Paul is back in the house, and Sylphy just-

Nope, na-ah, nada. Not thinking about that right now. Won't be able to fall asleep soon if I have to tackle that can of worms so soon.

I shake my head to the sides. I have enough on my table with Paul and Zeny, I'm not gonna deal with something if I don't have to.

And considering Sylphy's blush, I have at least two-no, maybe three years, before I have to acknowledge that.

"Sigh,"

In any case, Paul is back in the house, and that means…

What does that mean?

I know the heart wants what the heart wants.

Hurk! Can a person mentally throw up? 'cause I feel like I did. Heart wants what the heart wants? Yeah sure, too bad Paul's dick thinks louder than his heart, forget about his brain.

Ahhh… but still, this is a husband wife affair. Not mine. I can only hint, and guide, they're the ones that have to make the decisions. There's no point in me making decisions she has to live with, considering I won't be around for the conclusion.

Thing is it's not even about cheating, it's about lying.

In this world Polygamous relationships are very much real, especially for nobles, of which both these fools have ties to, if he had just talked to her about it, the harem ending he wants, he could have easily had.

The fact that it was Lilia makes you garbage, get your hands off my woman.

I understand Lilia's appeal, god do I understand her appeal. But if you wanted a harem you should have never got married, or at least never married Zenith. I mean; my god man you live in a world where polygamy is accepted, and socially acceptable, and where nobles have multiple wives or mistresses, of which you and Zenith both have roots in, and you decide to marry a noble of the Millis religion, who practices monogamy?

Get out of here!

But that's beside the point. The point is you promised loyalty to her.

If he wanted more, he should have said so.

This is about betrayal. He knew what he did was wrong. If he didn't, then he wouldn't have kept it a secret. He knew he would be hurting her, and he chose to do it anyway.

He needs to be punished.

I massage my forehead feeling a headache coming in.

Damn.

He just had to ruin everything. What the hell was he thinking?

A harem. I get it, harems are a man's romance, everyone has wanted a harem once or twice at a point in their lives.

What, someone says they haven't? Get out of town. Your fucking lying, and you know you're lying. Harems are what man's dreams are made of(and some girls), and if you've never wanted a harem, you clearly never dreamed. Hurry up and find a doctor to get you some Benadryl to cure you from your insomnia.

Whoops, ranted, on my hidden passions.

Regardless… harems, I get it, you wanted one, you were thinking with your dick, and you wanted more, but you already had Zenith.

I turn to look at her sleeping figure. Angel. This woman's a saint.

You're an idiot Paul. Theirs thinking with your dick, and then there's not thinking.

Once you have something you don't want to lose, you try your hardest to hang on to it. You have to be able to separate fantasy from reality. If you already won big in a casino, you don't go back to the dealer, and go all in. You cash out, and take your winnings home.

Are your eyes just for show, old man?

This right here.

I crawl up to Zenith's eye level, looking at her by her side, running my hand through her golden locks.

This is your treasure, and you should treat her as such.

I've spent a considerable amount of time around Lilia, and tried not to pay attention to Zenith, but even I'm not blind to Zenith's charm. She is beautiful, kind, jubilant, and loyal. And you would ruin it for a one night-stand?

Get out of here!

Lilia has a supernatural appeal, at least to me who came from a normal world. Maroon hair that under the right lighting can look red, or even purple, paired with violet eyes that you can get lost in. She is very alluring.

But that doesn't mean I am blind to Zenith's appeal.

Zenith is kind; she heals me from my injuries. She's on my side when I argue against Paul. She lets me stay late outside, she lets me do my own thing. Hell, from time to time, I'm sure she's caught me sneaking outside in the middle of the night, but she's never said a thing.

If she didn't give me this much leeway our relationship would be rocky.

I parted a few hairs off her forehead.

I'm thankful.

Zenith is loyal; she is a follower of Millis; a religion that follows the rules of monogamy, and she should by all accounts leave you, but she would stay by her husband's side. In another timeline, she did the same, and was even open to the idea of marrying Lilia alongside him. Meaning, if Paul was smart enough he could have had his harem ending if he simply asked.

I trace my hand down, rubbing her cheek.

"Mmmuu," she makes some noise as she snuggles against my hand.

Who knew a housewife could be so cute?

That is the loyal kind housewife Zenith is. Perhaps a little too much so, definitely too much so, but I doubt Paul would have complained.

And lastly, Zenith is… well… gorgeous.

I wriggle myself closer. Placing my hands on either side of her body, acknowledging her curves.

…really, 'too much,' appeal.

She has wide hips, I let one of my hands slide, feeling her outlines. She has clear blue eyes, I focus on her face, lamenting that she's sleeping. She has flawless skin. I let my one free hand fall gently across her cheek, rubbing the back of it gently across her face, acknowledging its warmth, and softness.

She has…

Moving around, I pull the blanket off, revealing her figure. As well as pushing myself off a little, so I can observe her more thoroughly, from overhead.

She… bewitched me.

She can really take your breath away, if you're not careful.

I notice her steady breathing and see her chest rising up, and down, up… and down…

He clearly wasn't thinking at all. You hit the jackpot once. You should have stopped while you were ahead.

She has a voluptuous figure; large breasts, hourglass figure, even now, and an equally perfect large rear end.

Although, I don't think she'll take the last one as a compliment.

Gulp.

I swallow my breath.

You would really be lucky to land a woman like her.

God dammit.

I'm thinking of things, I've tried not to think over the years.

I bring my fingers to my brow, as I narrow my eyes, as I battle my internal demons, massaging my forehead.

That… that, is the other trouble of being reborn to a beautiful woman, how am I supposed to be normal. There were many complications at my birth; existentialism, mortality, and whatnot, but the problem that has persisted over the years is my relations with my mother. Simply put, It's not possible to view her as my mother. She is very motherly, without a doubt, but I can't. The problem isn't her, but me.

I simply can't.

I was born into this world being very aware of who I was and where I was, and who I was with. I didn't for a moment think, at least back then, that I wanted a mother.

I was thinking that I needed to move on. I needed to train. I needed power. I needed to… survive.

A mother?

That was the last thing going through my mind at the time.

And before either of us knew it, the window of opportunity where she could have reached out as a mother, or I as a son, had come and gone.

I can be close to her. I can care for her, I can even call her mom, but in my heart… in my heart, she's simply Zenith.

It's at times like these I'm thankful that I haven't started going through puberty, less looking her in the eye would be difficult. I have enough on my plate.

I can't help it. She really is a goddess.

To associate her with myself, well my vanity can only go so far.

Although, I am good looking, probably? I have no point of reference for what would be considered handsome on a guy, and I am technically a child, so I would be more cute than handsome. Regardless, I can not see myself as cute.

Her though? It's clear as day. Her allure cannot be denied.

I turned to look at her slumbering form once more, her lips slightly parted. I move my hand ever so slowly from her cheek to her lips, tracing my path with my thumb, 'till I'm upon her lips.

Her very alluring lips…

She is… she is… I am…

Paul took Lilia from me, but… she was… she was never mine, but… she should have never been his. To take another man's woman. Perhaps I should show him how that feels…

Moving until my arms are positioned on either side of the mattress by Zenith's head, I pushed off once more, looming over her sleeping figure.

She really is too good for him, she should have never been his.

To take someone precious…

I could…

Leaning down, I come upon her face. Only a few inches separating us. My heartbeat is racing, my breath unsteadily, my hand trembling, as I lower myself, and ever so slowly, her image comes closer, and closer. I wonder if she would awaken, like in those cliches.

"..."

But no one is here to burst through the door.

And so, with a moment's pause, I am near her lips. Only an inch separating us. Closer than I've ever been. Close enough to inhale her scent, close enough to… to take what I want. I could…

I…

Lost in thought… Ever so closer, I-

"Paul…" she whispers. A faint tear sliding down her cheek bones.

I hear the whispers of her heart.

"..."

Coming to my senses, I halt over her lips. Only a fraction of a centimeter separating us.

"Dammit," slamming the brakes, I pushed off, and threw myself to the side of her, letting myself flop on the bed, "ha… ha… ha…" steadying my breathing.

What the hell is wrong with me? Then again, what is right?

I guess I can't ignore the elephant in the room any longer. Hormones or no hormones, I'm attracted to her.

My little brother might not be reacting, but my heart?

I might have a heart attack.

Have I always been, or is this something new?

God if I know.

Then again, maybe this is why I avoided her all these years. Because subconsciously, I already knew how things would end.

How messed up.

I can't help it, she isn't my mother after all.

…or maybe she is?

But clearly… I'm not her son.

A mother may be someone different to different people. Different people, different cultures. Some would answer the woman that it is the woman that raised you, others the one you share blood with. To me it's something much more complex. As someone that had a mother once, before dying, I'm confident in my definition.

A mother is not someone you share blood with. A mother is not even someone that takes care of you. A mother is not the woman your father marries. A mother is someone that is so intrinsically attached to you, that you take them for granted. Like air or water, a necessity to our frail existence that keeps us living.

At least this is how I view things.

She is someone you need.

It's about being there. No, It's about needing to be there. A bond formed by the frailty of the child, and the love of the mother. Something I wasn't receptive to in those days.

I had a mother once, she wasn't particularly motherly, she was pretty strict, you might even call her rude, but she was my mother.

I got sick. I got injured. I got lost.

Like all kids were once, I was stupid, but I had a mother to help me along the way. I was injured; I was healed. I was sick; I was nurtured. I was lost; I was guided.

The difference between an adult and a child is that an adult can be all these things, but he can still make it through by himself. An adult doesn't need a mother, he wants one.

In essence; the relationship between a child and parent is born out of necessity. Through that need, the child and parent would grow closer, and in a way that is hard to define, trust me I tried, they would get closer, their beings becoming irreplaceable to the other.

An; I needed you, and in return you get my heart, kind of relationship, that's how it works.

But I wasn't born like that.

At many times in this mess that I call my life, I needed somebody, anybody, but it didn't have to be a mother. Whether it was sickness or injury, I powered through on my own, or had a hand from a young blue haired demon along the way, or a maroon headed maid at my side.

…and even if they didn't help. I would have still found my way.

Stumbling, and tripping along the way, as is my nature, but I would have found it.

So no matter how much affection she gives me, no matter how much care she gives, I just can not see her like that.

Looking at Zenith's sleeping face by my side, I can't deny she is beautiful. Yet, she is also my… my important person… at least that much I could say.

I could kiss her. I could do all that, but I won't.

If I did, then I'd truly wouldn't be no different than Paul.

Ahh, what a mess.

Turning over onto her side and facing her, I reach out, and clean the tears from her face.

Look what you did Paul, you brought an angel to tears.

"A man shouldn't make his woman cry." I move my hand to her forehead, "Heal," and cast a spell, bathing her in a green glow, her body moving slightly as if it felt something. Moving my hand to her pregnant stomach, "Heal," I cast one more time.

It might not heal emotional damage, but the pleasant feeling it invokes should give her a good night's sleep.

I let my hand fall back to the side of her face, and rubbing the spot, tears had laid.

A wife is someone that holds your heart, it only makes sense that you would treat her as your very heart.

For the nth time tonight, I lean down upon Zenith's lips once more, bending down…

And for a moment just thinking; If I were a lesser man…

But I don't want to hurt her, so…

I tilt my head to the side and kiss her on the corner of her cheek, at the edge of her lips.

This will have to do.

This is as close as I'm going to get. Anything else, would be a betrayal.

"Good night, Zeny." Finally, I remove my hands, grab the blanket, and drape it over us, snuggling closer, and calling it a night.

"Sweet dreams."

With this I can get a good night's rest.

///

Despite the difficult beginnings of a bleak winter, the Greyrat family found some comfort on that night knowing that they made strides today.

A husband was overjoyed at finally having a conversation with his wife, and plans on how he could break the divide. A maid was enjoying a good night's sleep, wondering whether she should make the young master's favorite, or the madame's favorite meal tomorrow. And lastly, said young master and madame of the house enjoyed each other's embrace as they slept warmly through the night.

Almost…

After the boy battled with his inner demons, snowed under an uncertain future. He drifts off to sleep. His form being enlightened, by the moonlight enlightening their forms.

The window laying forgotten, the drapes remained uncovered revealing all.

Under the moonlight, no one would see a blonde woman peeking her eyes open, and letting a small smile grace her features, as she slowly, but gently, brought the young boy closer to her heart, squeezing him to her chest. Content with the present.

Seeing him smile while unconscious, as she holds him tightly, she couldn't help but think she did something right.

Under the glow of the twilight hours, no one would hear her whispers.

"Sweet dreams, Rudy."

With a full heart, and heavy eyes, she joined the household into a peaceful slumber.