the start of my nightmare

{Rudeus POV}

My name is Rudeus Greyrat.

I'm currently aimlessly walking around the streets of Millishion, not caring where I go.

Many thoughts are currently roaming my mind around the same subject.

The entire Fittoa Region's inhabitants got teleported over a year ago. Not just me and Eris. The girl I was tutoring for three years.

How did I find out about it now?

It was because I meet my father, Paul Greyrat, here, where he has been working to find our family that also got teleported.

However, he found none of them after so long. That is, until I came. Unknown about the gratifying reality of how serious the situation actually was.

Zenith, Lilia, Aisha and even Sylphy haven't been found yet. Some of the other victims are even dead.

The only person of his family was Norn, my little sister.

When he found out that I wasn't looking for anyone and was just going around having fun as an adventurer, he got mad

We ended up having a fight, in which I held the upper hand, because of Paul's intoxication.

But as I bashed at him, Norn went between us and stopped my barrage on him.

She accused me of bullying Paul. I had no more strength left ton argue, so I just left.

Why have I not thought about sooner?'

'Where could they all be?'

'Are they all alright?'

'Are they…dead?'

'Could I have saved them?'

'Did I miss them somewhere?'

'Is it my fault?'

Thoughts like these were swarming my mind while I keep on walking to who knows where. I just didn't have the energy to care, ever since Paul revealed the truth to me.

*Growl*

After a while, I noticed my stomach growling.

I then got out of my long trail of thoughts and looked at my abdomen.

"…huh?"

Suddenly, I realized something. It was dark. I started looking at my side and then up.

Over the sky, I could see the stars shining, giving a little source of light over my location.

I was standing in a grass field close to a forest roughly 70 meters away.

Given that and my empty stomach and the time, I must've gone quite far away from Millishion.

When did I exit the city? Eris will be mad and Mister Ruijerd will be worried.

'Ah, Eris.'

I started to imagine how mortified she will be about the news, since we had a rather carefree journey.

How is her family, anyway? Are they safe? How will she handle their deaths?

I have to go back and calmly tell her and Ruijerd about it.

I started looking around for any lead towards the city, like a road.

All I could see was hills covered with grass, some rocks and the before mentioned forest.

Heck. I wasn't even seeing any roads close by. Most likely because of the darkness.

*GROWL*

Then another sound woke me up again. And it wasn't my stomach this time.

Despite the darkness, I slowly tried looking around. Soon I spotted the source of the sound.

It was a tiger. But unlike the orange color I knew from my old world, this one had more like a dark green tone to it.

The tiger was slowly approaching me, while licking his lips and glaring at me with starving eyes.

Normally, I would panic and start attacking or run away. But should I?

I have made a tremendous failure that I even was disappointed with myself.

A mistake that probably costed some important people their life's. Paul was right to get disappointed with me.

Truly, the Shinigami can come and get me. Let's just hope that I won't slip away again because another life failure would be traumatizing me deep to my soul and mind.

As the tiger slowly came closer, I gathered my final thoughts.

'This was an interesting life. Not perfect, but an interesting one. Got through some hard times while trying my best. If only I paid more attention, then I would have less regret.'

I then closed my eyes, waiting for it to end.

'Have you truly given it your best?'

"?!"

When I heard that, I opened my eyes wide and frantically looked at both sides. Only me and the tiger were here.

'Have you forgotten the promise you gave yourself when you first came to this world?'

Upon hearing that, I started to remember the one thing I set my mind to.

To give it my best. To give it my all in life. But I failed at that, so what else could I do?

'What about your talent? Are you satisfied with that?'

I honestly didn't think about that. Sure, I was Water Saint mage. But that's all.

I haven't improved that much in the time since my graduation six years ago. I can't even use my newly acquired Voice Magic correctly.

'Probably because you still hesitate.'

Hesitate? By what? Tasks? Tutoring? Earning money? I have done so many things that I don't realize what there might be that made me hesitate from it.

'You're afraid of becoming feared.'

I do not know who or what this voice is, but it is right.

The fear of being stared at and being seen as something different from a person is something frightening to me.

But I can't do anything about it. It is the talent in magic that allowed me to become different in a better way than others.

I'm a magician. Capable of even fighting a North Saint not long ago.

And just like so many other times, I nearly died. All because I relied on others and or luck.

I could be so much stronger, but I'm afraid. Not only because of death, but also being seen as a monster.

Suddenly, my blood felt like it was boiling after a sudden surge of anger came over me.

'I can't do anything right. Paul was right, I could've done better. I just need to STOP holding BACK already!'

I then started looking the tiger straight in the face as I felt bloodlust coming out of me. It was so strong that the tiger flinched and step back a little, at which I started snorting.

"Aw, is the little kitty afraid of a small child? Well, guess what? You're gonna be my meal, so-" I then lifted my hand up and cast my favorite spell. [Stone Canon].

"-DIE!"

After yelling that, the tiger tried to turn around and run away, but as its side was shown, my spell obliterated its head as it went further along, destroying a large area of the landscape.

Its body flopped to the ground, spilling blood from the stomp.

I then started to prepare the tiger's meat so that I could consume it to fill my empty stomach.

I carved it, just like how Ruijerd had taught me, and used Fire Magic to cook it.

It tasted terrible, even when I cooked its meat over a fire. Where's Geese with his 'Master Chef' cooking skills when you need him?

Despite the terrible taste, I ate enough to satisfy my belly. The rest I simply incinerated, leaving nothing, not even bones, only ashes to be blown by the wind.

The taste of the tiger's blood lingered in my mouth, but I ignored that. There are better things to do. Like letting this bubbling feeling of fury out. To accomplish that, I vented out like a 'Magic Maniac' at my surroundings.

Shooting at the hills, obliterating nearby rocks, burning the fields of grass, letting towers of stone and ice arise only to be destroyed by me again. I didn't care for efficiency or precision. All I did was do whatever I want.

After a while, I stared at the forest and set it as my next target. Not even considering if there are people.

I started casting a massive storm by concentrating a swirling wind. It got so strong that it started to break off some of the trees from their roots, but that wasn't enough for me.

Without hesitation, I turned the tornado into a spinning inferno pillar, putting a lot of mana in it.

Nearly the entire edge of the forest got burned down. But I wasn't done.

I then turned the inferno into a blizzard storm that soon dispersed, freezing the trees that were still burning from earlier.

Smoke rose and I still had more to show.

"[Cumulonimbus]" using the already hot air to my spell, I started casting.

Dark clouds started forming over the night sky, which then soon started pouring rain.

As I felt the drops of water fall over my head, I felt tears going down my cheeks.

All this magic and nothing coming out of it. A total waste of talent with no sense of accomplishment whatsoever.

"Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah." I started shouting up to the rumbling and raining sky, letting out everything.

While doing so, I felt as if some power came out together with my scream.

But because I was screaming my soul out, I didn't notice it that much.

The shockwave as something went up made me open my eyes wide, stopping my screaming.

After more than twelve seconds it sparked above the clouds, exploding in a bright light scattering all the clouds.

It looked like each explosion caused multiple new explosions. Just like a firework, it gave off an eye burning light-show.

When the ringing in my ears stopped, I fell to my knees and wondered what just happened.

Suddenly, I felt my muscles cramp, putting me in a lot of pain.

'So….'

There it was again. The voice speaking to me.

As I was trying to find the owner of the voice, (even though my body hurt like hell) he said:'Down here, bud.'

When I looked down, I couldn't believe my eyes. In the puddle of water from the rain was a person that I recognized all too well.

'I know this might not be the best time to say this, but…you seriously have some issues.' As he said that, the sun started rising, giving me a clearer picture of the man.

A fat guy wearing a tracksuit and glasses.

It was my old body. Speaking to me through my reflection.

'But you don't deserve this life anyway, so why struggle?'

"W-what the..."

Then a sudden feeling of tiredness overcame me and I fell unconscious.

///

(AN:

Hello there dear readers,

this is my first fanfic. I always wanted to make one where the actual Rudeus (and not some Insert character) getting strong. The next few chapters are almost ready and are getting their last corrections.

While I will be going with the story as it is, there will be some major changes to Rudeus himself that will obviously change other characters as well. Some for the good, some for the not so good.

Please leave a comment on your thoughts.

See you next chapter.

Bye.)