first next step

"Yeah. This will be useful for sure."

I was walking down the streets of Millishion, not feeling down about making a tremendous mistake but rather satisfied with my from my recent purchase.

It was a book that went through advanced Healing and Detoxification Magic (circles included), with a beginner class Barrier Magic spell.

The price was outrageous, but I was able to get it down to a relatively decent price.

After our lunch, I told Eris and Ruijerd that I wanted to buy a book to improve my Healing Magic just in case something happens.

But the real reason was to prevent Paul from dying. The sudden future vision still haunted me.

From the looks of my older self, it must probably be happening in another 5 or 6 years. Although, it might have been just a dream.

But that doesn't matter right now.

I have to prepare, otherwise he might-

'Why do you care about him? He's not even your real father.'

Suddenly, a voice called out to me. I looked around only to see people going around. No one that looked like was talking to me.

"Huh. Must be my imagination."

'Who knows what you have.' The response settled it. Somebody was clearly talking into my ears.

"Who said that? Where are you?"

I'm still looking around to see the source of the voice. I stopped once I looked at a nearby shop window.

My eyes went wide in shock.

I saw my reflection, showing me the changes I went through.

My hair was white, with the roots turning back to my original brown hair color.

Three diamond shaped scares on my forehead, like some kind of burned mark.

My right eye, which used to be the demon eye of foresight, has turned into an emerald green color. My left eye, however, turned into a sapphire blue color, but I still had my mole.

The shock about it went by after Ruijerd told me about it. What shocked me however wasn't my appearance.

It was the man next to me in my reflection. The other world version of me.

A 34-year-old fat shut-in loser, wearing glasses and the tracksuit I died in.

'Just gives to show how much better you look in that body.'

"Not talking to you."

Turning around, I confirmed my suspicion. I can only see him in my reflection.

'What? Trying to run from your problem like you did back then.'

"I'm not running away. I try to fix them." I whispered so I wouldn't draw any attention. People might think I'm crazy or something.

'Fixing them? Like how you are fixing your relationship with Paul?'

"I..." He was right.

Why haven't I tried to apologize to Paul? All of it was my fault anyway. Ah, right. I wanted to avoid seeing that haunting image of his bloodied half corps.

If I look at his face, it will come back up again.

'You undeniably are an ungrateful kid. Taking over the body of an infant and stealing his life.' His words hit like a bullet.

"I...stole...?" I clutched my chest with one of my hands.

That thought was something that never crossed my mind even once in my life.

What happened to the original owner of this body? The one who actually would have been named Rudeus Greyrat. Who would have been living a happy life.

Did I...kill him? Was my death responsible for this child's death? What ended up happening to him?

Paul and Zenith would probably have been happier with a normal child. One that wasn't mentally older than them, or was a pervert at birth.

Well, considering how Paul is, and what his preferences in women are, the child could have probably grown up like him.

There is no way someone like that could keep his eyes away from Lilia.

'Sure~. Any young woman would like an infant ogling at them like you did.'

Because I couldn't take my reflection's words anymore, I ran back to the inn.

'Your problems aren't going to fix themselves, you know?'

"...shut up." I need to get away from him.

***

Arriving back at the inn, I saw Geese together with Paul.

"Crap." I mumbled.

Trying to avoid them, I tried to go back up to our room unnoticed.

"Boss?"

Never mind, they saw me immediately. They were sitting so close to the stairs anyway. And my hair color was just sticks out too much.

"Rudy."

Paul called out to me, but I still didn't look him in the face.

"Haven't I told you to leave?"

Just go already. I can't take another horror treatment again.

"Boss, just give him-"

"You knew about this, didn't you?" I was looking geese in the eyes while furrowing my eyebrows.

"Well I-"

"Was expecting me to have already started? Because I'm smart? Well, guess what? I make mistakes as well. I can't keep up with all the expectations with you all."

Geese only shut his mouth.

I then put my attention towards Paul, still not looking at his face.

"Where have you searched already, Paul?"

There wasn't a response for a while. Seems like he is a bit surprised that I called him by his name.

"I was actually asking you in a letter if you could go to the Northern Territories of the Central-continent. There is also the fact that we are obligated to deliver any Boreas to the Fittoa region."

"Hm. Good to know."

Ignoring them both again, I went back upstairs.

Our destination has been settled, as well as my mission.

We would still look for anyone on our way, so there shouldn't be any more problems.

Well, except my relationship with Paul.

'Why am I like this? Could I feel...guilty of what I did to his son?'

No matter what, I can't see him as my father nor see myself as his son.

***

{Paul POV}

I couldn't apologize yet again.

Looking dejected at the stairs my son walked up to, I was unable to stop thinking about how badly I messed up this time.

I made many mistakes, but this one is one of those I took to heart. Like the time I cheated on Zenith, or when I realized that I couldn't reconcile with my father because of his death.

He acts as similar to how I acted towards my father. But he is smart, so I'm sure he will-Wait, no.

Such a thought caused our currently breaking relationship in the first place. I should be more careful. Otherwise, I might never see him again.

But at this point, it could be already too late for that.

"Don't worry. Just give him more ti-"

"Just...shut up."

Geese words aren't helping. It's like getting salt rubbed in my open wounds.

"By the way, Geese, are you sure Elinalise is on the Demon-continent?"

"Do you know of any other Elf woman that can cause a horde of men to dry out at a port?"

"Well...that's true. I just can't believe that she helps me."

"She is probably doing it for Zenith anyway."

"*Sigh*. That's true."

I got to thank her for help. She might hate me the most, but she was good friends with Zenith.

The list of people hating me just keeps expanding, and now my son is one of them. How can I make up for what I said to him?

They might depart soon, so I have to act quickly.

***

(Third POV)

The group Dead End was now at the demolished field. It was the field Rudeus had launched his magic attacks at.

At his request to see what he has done, they went over there.

"I really went all out. I wasn't controlling myself and yet, it is this bad."

Rudeus was scanning his work. Or rather, what came out of his tantrum.

Dirt and mud was all over the place. Most of the landscape was severely damaged.

Craters of either explosions or risen monuments not far away from here.

Ice pillar standing in the middle of puddles, already starting to melt because of the warmer climate at around here.

He then saw the forest. Remembering how he didn't care if there were any people just made him shiver at how cold-hearted he acted.

It was like an unnatural disaster happened. Most of the trees got either torn off the earth, scattered everywhere, while others are either burned or frozen solid.

"I certainly went wild here, huh?" all he could do was lightly comment on the aftermath he sees.

Ruijerd and Eris were standing right behind him, not saying anything.

While Ruijerd had the same expression as always, he remembered how he saw similar scenes like this back in the time of the second great Human-Demon war.

But Eris only had an expression of amazement on. She never saw anything like this, and Rudeus did all of this alone.

"You're amazing as always, Rudeus. This is incredible."

Rudeus didn't say anything for a few seconds until he answered:"I'm not proud of this. Rather, I'm frightened."

Eris was confused about his answer. It doesn't make any sense to her. She thought that something like this would definitely be praiseworthy.

But before she could ask any further, he turned around to look at her.

"I did all of this in an act of rage, not thinking about collateral damage nor if I ended up killing someone. I went all out, but nearly killed myself in the process. And now, I have trouble controlling my magic. It means that not only am I just good for my destructiveness, it means I cannot get serious without the aftermath of my own near death."

All he said was honest. He may have been out of control back then, but he was still doing it serious. All for venting out his inner wrath.

Ignoring Eris's further confused reaction, he then looked back at his work.

It made him remember something. The one thing Attack Magic was meant to do. Destroy or kill. And it is the only magic he is good enough to do chantless.

His decision to concentrate on Healing Magic may not result fruitful, but he can't ignore his specialty as well. No, he has to get it under control again so that he can prevent Paul's demise.

Because of his adventuring to preserve it for quests and the fact that he never realized just how much mana he has, he never trained much.

Dismissing the last spell that he used, he had enough mana so that he could train and form better tactics for all kind of situation.

It also meant that he could put great effort in his training to achieve the ability to cast Healing Magic without chanting.

He was determined to save the rest of Paul's family, as well as safe him from whatever happened in that vision.

It was the least he could do after what happened between them. But the other reason for that was that he realized just how much he invaded into their families.

'Finally you are seeing how much power you have.'

Rudeus looked over to one of the melting ice-pillars. The water gave it a reflective surface, showing to him his past self.

'This is all you have been good for your whole life. Destroying. Not just in the sense of collateral damage, but destroying the family's happiness you barged into. And you're not even showing enough appreciation for having such a blessed life.'

"Damn it, just shut up already." Rudeus blurred out, not realizing he used his mouth instead of his inner voice.

"Who are you talking to?" The one asking that was Ruijerd.

Slightly embarrassed, Rudeus looked over to Ruijerd.

"No one. Don't worry about it." Immediately, Rudeus looked back at the damaged field.

However, Ruijerd couldn't be more worried. He saw many people having to deal with a number of things because of a near-death experience. And Rudeus was one of the worst.

With the state his body was in, it's practically a miracle that he was still alive when he found him around here.

And seeing the usually collective Rudeus in this state of mind was unsettling for Ruijerd.

Rudeus cleared his mind again and putting on a serious face, as he looked at Eris and Ruijerd again, who were just standing by this whole time.

"Thank you two for coming with me here."

Not waiting for an answer, he stepped forward.

"We're departing soon, so let's prepare everything before."

Both Eris and Ruijerd were unsure if he was feeling better, but his expression was definitely improving.

Suddenly, Rudeus stopped in his tracks and asked:"By the way, what happened to my robe?"

***

(Rudeus POV)

Blue. So much blue. Too much blue. And the question is:"Why blue?"

Geese just shrugged. "Don't know. Seems to be popular around here. I even heard that the Temple Knights have their armors colored in blue."

"Does it perhaps have something to do with the Millis-religion?"

"I think you look weird. But since it matches your specialty in water magic as a Water Saint, I guess it's good." Eris was standing in her usual Boreas-pose while commenting on my new clothes.

While she is right about my rank, it doesn't particularly mean I'm good at Water Magic. In fact, my affinity lies in Earth Magic.

But that's just because of practical combat uses. It's easier to kill a monster with a solid piece of rock than a bunch of water.

Although you could put ice into an account, it still dwindles compared to rock. Ice is just much more fragile than stone if you don't make it cold enough.

"As long as it is practical, looks don't matter." Ruijerd commented on back casually. Thanks for stating the pro's.

We are now in a clothing store for travel gear. The color blue seems particularly frequent around here.

Why are we in a clothing store, if we should prepare our departure? The answer is simple.

I not only torn my robe into shreds, but also all my other clothes, including my boots. None of it wearable anymore.

We bumped into Geese when we were looking for a store, who guided us to a decent place.

The store itself isn't that special, but according to Geese, the prices are at a tolerable level.

My current new style consists of navy-blue shorts, a black long sleeve tee with a beige overtunic. A light blue belt wrapped around my waist that holds one pouch at each side, simple leather boots and an ash-gray hooded robe that has light-blue decorative edges, sleeves, and collar with some buttons at the front.

My forehead protector, which was the only thing that didn't get damaged much, was now on my forehead as to cover and hide my scars.

I also was covering both of my hands and arms in bandages.

Something that I didn't notice and nobody mentioned to me was that some veins in my arms and hands have turned into a lavender purple color.

Now that I think about it, when I bought my book the other day, the shop owner was looking at me awkwardly. Did he think I was trying to fix my body?

If even advanced Healing Magic didn't work, then there is nothing I could do about it except cover them.

Inspecting my new outfit in the mirror a bit longer, I was a bit skeptical.

"Are you sure it's okay for me to buy all these clothes?"

"I told you, you should buy new clothes, so stop worrying."

"The little miss is right, y'know. It is the money you were given to help her travel back to the Central-continent. And as her escort, you need proper gear."

"Aren't I a bit flashy, though?"

The hooded robe isn't just normal. It was particular resistant against fire and has been made of light materials, which makes it quite light all together.

"And isn't it a bit expensive?"

If I had known that my old robe got torn to shreds, I wouldn't have bought that book. So much money spend in less than two days.

"Hmph" Suddenly, the shop owner snorted at our little commentary of my attire.

"What's his problem?"

Eris was getting angry of his attitude. This is bad news. She might give him one of her Boreas punches, just like those thugs and adventurers at the Demon-continent.

However, Geese was holding a hand in front of her.

"Ignore him. This is the Holy Kingdom of Millis. The majority of people don't like the Demon-race, due to the religion's teachings."

Is that so? I guess racism can be seen everywhere, regardless of what world you live in.

Not that I particularly know, since I was shut-in in my previous life.

As I sighed, I took one final look at myself. My hair still mostly white, but the roots are beginning to turn back to my original brown color.

The colors of my eyes are still the same. My left eye is sapphire blue and my right eye which is no longer a demon eye anymore is now emerald green.

If my outfit isn't drawing attention to me, my features surely will. I would rather not stand out, but there is nothing I can do about it except hide them.

Good thing this robe has a hood. But if I do hide my hair, I would look suspicious.

No matter what, I will get a lot of eyes directed at me in the near future from all kinds of people.

"*sigh* Let's just pay and go. The man doesn't want us to stay here too long anyway."

We only bought me some things, since no one else needed anything replaced.

***

The next day, party 'Dead End' is heading towards the gates to departure towards our next destination, West Port.

Everything was ready, and our carriage was packed with our stuff.

I, however, wasn't feeling so well. I was still thinking about Paul and how to treat him from now on.

But those thoughts were cut short as I saw him with Norn, Geese and the bikini-armor lady and her sister.

'*sigh* He is so persistent that it's starting to get annoying.' As we got closer, the others greeted the group.

"Yo Boss, ready to leave yet." Geese was the first one to say something.

"Indeed. Thanks to money we received and Ruijerd's letter, we should pass rather easily. That is, if the letter really does help him cross the sea to the Central-continent. Hopefully."

I am uncertain if it really does, but Ruijerd seems confident in his old friend's words. So, I'm gonna trust Ruijerd as well anyway.

"Good luck, I guess." Geese had and meekly smile on his face before getting closer to me and whispering something into my ear.

"Boss, you really need to talk to your father. Don't you wanna make up with each other?"

Do I? Yes. Can I? I'm not sure...but I could try, since he came all the way here.

*Sigh* *groan* Taking the first step is never easy.

I then approached him and the others. That is, until Norn stepped between us and spreed her arms out, as if protecting the others.

"Norn?"

"Stay away from my daddy, you monster." She was trembling and there were tears at the corners of her eyes.

Well, guess this relationship was broken from the moment I meet her again.

"Norn. Don't say such things. Just let them talk." The bikini-armor girl tried to calm her down, but to no avail.

"NO! He will hurt daddy. With that scary blast." Her fears are reasonable, but she is wrong.

"Even if I knew how I used that spell, I won't use it for the rest of my life." She looked at me slightly confused, so I explained further.

"For now I have control over myself, but there will definitely be another time when I lose myself again." I look sharply at her and continued.

"So your accusation is precise. I am a monster, and I'm well aware of that." I softened my eyes a bit and gave her a meek smile.

"And people around here will find that out soon. Some of them probably already have, but keep their mouth shut because they are afraid of what I might do to them. So please let him say what he wants, so I won't be a danger towards the both of you."

Norn looked perplexed for a while, but ultimately nodded as she let her arms down and went back to the bikini armor lady and her sister.

What I said was true. The higher ups of Millishion might already plan something, like an assassination attack. So, I have to leave as soon as possible, whether with or without Eris and Ruijerd.

It may sound traitorous, but I don't want them to die because of me. Well, maybe worrying about Ruijerd is unnecessary. He would definitely cause a bloodbath like at Saint Port.

Proceeding what a tried before, I stepped before Paul. This time looking at his face. The image of his dead face was still showing, but I endured it for now.

"Just as I said, you should say what you planned to say before I leave."

Paul was looking down with his eyes narrowed, probably carefully thinking what to say. Then looked back up and looked me in the eyes.

"I wanted to apologize for what I said. I shouldn't have put so much expectation on you just because you're a prodigy. I realized now that you had your own problems to deal with." His face slowly started turning into a soft smile.

I wanted to protest, but he proceeded.

"Earning money on your own, crossing the most dangerous continent in the world, even getting imprisoned by the beast-folk, and all while protecting Phillip's daughter. You had a lot of things thrown at you that you weren't prepared for. Honestly, I'm proud that you made it this far at such a young age."

That's odd. I don't remember telling about my imprisonment in our first conversation yet.

Ah, Geese must've told him about that. I hope he didn't tell him about the part where I was accused of laying my hands on the Holy Beast.

"Making sure that Eris was safe is a general thing anyway." As he said that, he scratched the back of his head and smiled meekly.

"Well, I did tutor her for three years anyway. So, that's obvious."

"What about the fact that she is your fiancé?"

"What?!"

*Crack*

I felt my eye just twitch. Is he serious? Now of all times?

"Huh?" Paul looked confused at the ground, but I ignored that.

"Are still on about me laying a finger on Eris? I am not like you, who was known as a womanizer, you know. It's like you expect me of being like you. I thought you wanted to reconcile with me, not accuse me again. So, why are you saying that now?"

My voice came out sharper as I glared at him intensely. I felt like some kind of overwhelming feeling was growing from me as I said each word.

Paul was looking at me perplexed as he stepped a bit back.

"W-wait...aren't you two engaged?"

"What...engaged? What do you...?" Now it's my turn to be confused.

Engaged? Me and Eris? Since when? And how?

No. Don't panic, you should hear him out. Calm down. Breathe in and breathe out.

The overwhelming feeling dwindles as Paul's expression calmed down a bit.

"Please explain how you have come to that assumption."

"Assumption?" after he said that, he put his hand on his chin and closed his eyes for a few seconds before opening them again.

"Phillip sent me a letter saying that you and Eris are getting married. But seeing your reaction just now, I guess he tricked us both."

"YOU'RE LYING!" Eris was shouting at Paul. She was silent this entire time, thanks to Ruijerd stopping her.

"HE WOULD NEVER DO THAT! RUDEUS! DON'T LISTEN TO WHAT he has to...say?"

The sudden feeling I had a just now came back up, this time more intense.

'No. He couldn't have. But then again, he did ask something like that on my tenth birthday. Yet, his own daughter? How could he?'

"Rudeus!" "Boss, calm down." "Rudy?"

*Crack*

All the surrounding sound vanished as I was deafened in my own flood of rage.

///