33 9.2

Chapter Nine

Part Two

"I'm really sorry," I apologized gloomily, "I know it's wrong of me to keep things from you but… I just…you don't understand."

"What wouldn't I understand," she snapped, throwing at me, "I have lived and seen far more than you ever have little girl. What could you possibly tell me that I wouldn't understand?"

I had always thought our stubbornness came from my papaw, but apparently it was Nana.

Fumbling I explained, "This is different."

"What's different," she cried, excitably tossing my hands, "What is SOOO different that my feeble old little mind, wouldn't be able to understand? Can you tell me?"

"It's not easy to explain," I complained, as she shook her head storming off again.

For an elderly lady, she sure could move fast, or maybe it was the anger propelling her forward.

"What's done is done," she said angrily, "You lied to me, and now you insult me too."

Running after her again I wailed, "I didn't lie!"

Her foot dug into the dirt, swinging her around to do an about face.

"Didn't lie," she challenged, her eyebrows shooting into her rounded bangs, "Circe, you are by far one of my most beloved Grandchildren. I have always been the proudest of you. Do you hear me?"

I paused, off kilter from her sudden change in tactic.

Slowly, I looked at her confused.

"Nana?"

"No," she said cutting me short, "As your Grandmother, I couldn't be prouder of you. You put a smile on your face and go on with life no matter what is thrown at you. You are by a fault, far TOO kind and giving. That's my fault. I should have taught you to be a little more selfish."

Sighing I shook my head.

Now she was having a pity party.

"Nana, please," I asked tired from our back and forth.

"No," she held up her hand, continuing, "but today…"

She paused, struggling to speak, as she choked up. Pointing back up towards the shrine, she pulled herself together.

"But today Circe," she replied, "That was the most disappointed I have ever been in you. I don't know who that girl was up there. It certainly wasn't the sweet girl that I've known. It certainly wasn't the Circe that your mother raised."

She knew exactly what she was doing. Her words were like thorns, squeezing my heart. Slicing deeper than before, she drove her words home.

"You lied straight to my face, your grandmother's face. I would give my life for you," she cried, gulping out the last words, "My very last breath for you."

I struggled to maintain composure. Nana knew all the buttons to press to get my emotions going and it was working.

"You don't lie to family. That's just not what you do to those who love you the most."

That was the nail in the coffin.

Nana turned away from me, dramatically crying. I couldn't say if it was for show or if she really was affected from her own words. Either way, I fought back my own flood of emotions.

I'd only omitted things, but it was because I wanted to protect them. Was that so bad? Wouldn't she do the same?

I must have been too quiet because I heard Nana call my name. I guess she knew that I hadn't moved from my spot.

"Circe?"

I glanced up. We both looked at one another with wet faces.

Her hand swiped at her face as she asked, "What does he want from you?"

I wiped at my face wondering yet again, if this had been what she had wanted to ask.

Lip trembling, I asked, "Who? The Guardian?"

She gave me a curt nod.

My shoulders sank.

She pressed me, "Why would he be… kissing you?"

My eyes fluttered a second as the blush that filled my cheeks turned me beet red. I had not expected her to ask such a question.

Why had Kyung kissed me? Was that really how he erased memories? Was that how he brought back the memories? Although he had kissed me once before at the restaurant, and that had also done something to me. Maybe there wasn't anything really behind it, you know like inappropriate feelings?

"I…I don't really know."

Her face froze. Then it slowly crumbled into disappointment.

"You don't know?"

"Honestly," I said, "I don't really know why he's kissed me. I don't think there's any feeling behind it."

When I said that, I wasn't expecting to feel slightly let down by it. The disappointment actually alarmed me.

Nana looked at her feet.

"So, it's been only once?"

I opened my mouth and then paused. It certainly hadn't been just once. The memory of his lips flushed my face once again.

I shook my head.

Her eyes snapped up and she gaped at me

"Oh, my Lord," she shrieked covering her face quickly as if the news was utterly shocking.

"Two times," I answered for her.

I mean I could tell by the look on her face. She wasn't unable to verbalize it, but that's what she had wanted to know.

"Two," Nana sputtered astounded.

Swallowing I nodded.

"He…kissed me…twice," I admitted again, awkwardly.

She shook her head, flabbergasted.

I swallowed.

"That's it though."

Stupefied, her voice was as wispy as the wind.

"That's it? What more…"

I froze.

She hadn't…Nana hadn't gotten that far. I blushed again feeling so embarrassed I could pass out.

"Did he…ask you," she swallowed, gulping like a fish, "You mean…"

"No," I shouted.

Sexual favors, she was thinking that because I accidently made it sound like it.

Red faced I shook my head again very adamantly.

"Oh, my Lord! No," lowering my voice I repeated, "No! No absolutely not! He's not asked me for anything like that."

She breathed a sigh of relief before huffing again. Her small shoulders when up and then fell down.

"I don't know," she lamented, "I wanted to ask you something more but I…

"Ask me. I'm really sorry," I apologized again, knowing full and well that those words would never be enough.

Me keeping the truth from her, truly hurt.

"I shouldn't bother," she remarked turning from me.

I caught her. she paused and looked over her shoulder at me.

My heart was lodged in my throat. I was a little nervous to ask what she wanted to know, but I also curious.

I quietly asked, "Tell me. What did you want to ask me?"

With her head drooped, she quietly whispered, "What did you barter?"

I broke out into a cold sweat. Swallowing I quickly dropped her hand.

Secretly I was scared that she could feel my sweaty palms and would know this was a touchy subject.

"He asked something of you," she prodded, "So what was it? What did you have to do?"

I couldn't remember a lick of that night. I couldn't recall calling on him, so I could I recollect what price I paid? I mean, clearly, I must have made some sort of agreement. He wouldn't be lingering around otherwise. Yet, for the life of me, I couldn't remember a dang thing!

Nana took my hand. She squeezed it desperately, worry drowning her anger.

"Don't tell me Circe did he ask you for something? Is that it,"

He had been in the woods with me, so obviously we made an agreement. Did he request something from me? What would I have that he'd want?

Nana's eyes flashed, "Was it the kiss?"

"The kiss," I repeated.

Nana quickly nodded.

"Did he ask you for you know…a kiss? That's what you paid him?"

She searched my face expectantly, desperate.

I shrugged.

Her face fell.

"What do you mean," she asked, slowly imitating my shrug, "what's that supposed to mean?"

I bit my lib.

The thought had crossed my mind. I had wondered momentarily if the kiss had been what he'd asked for. However, after the restaurant, and reliving the memories it really didn't seem possible.

"Why are you looking at me like that," Nana wondered, her voice startled.

My silence frightened her.

"What exactly are you hiding?"

I licked my lips.

On one had I really didn't know what payment I'd given him for his protection. On the other there was this little nagging memory that suddenly surfaced. However, the more I lingered on that thought the more I found it preposterous.

He could call me his mistress but what was really behind that?

"Circe," Nana's panicked voice called me back to her attention, "What are you telling me? Do you not…remember?"

My eyes flashed; I was staggered by her accuracy.

Nana's face became serious.

Her voice, it held a warning to it as she inquired suspiciously, "You're mulling something over in that head of yours. You mind sharing, because I'm seriously on the verge of peeing myself. You're making me nervous."

"Would you believe me if I said that was true?"

Nana scoffed.

"Come on now honey," she laughed, "You can't possibly believe…Now that doesn't make sense."

"Doesn't it," I solicited.

Nana hesitated just a second before quickly dismissing me.

"Why would he do that," she scolded, "Honestly! Circe why wouldn't he want you to know what you and he aggreged on? We know he never does anything for free."

I bit my lip.

Cocking her head to the side, she studied me harder.

"Is it that your too scared to tell me," Nana offered, her voice tilting up at the end.

She sounded a lot like that's what she was now hoping to hear.

"It's not so much that I'm too scared to tell you," I divulged slowly, watching for her reaction, "It's that I have nothing to say…because I don't remember anything."

She grabbed my face between her hands. Her blue eyes were like two saucers. They were large and terrified. Even though she had laughed at me, she didn't see this as any laughing matter.

"What's gotten into you," she reprimanded, fearfully, "Why would you make up something so silly? You're not like this Circe!"

"Because I have nothing," I cried frustrated, "I don't know what I traded. I seriously have no clue whatsoever. I really don't remember!"

I didn't want her to think I was lying anymore. I wanted her to know the truth, but she was looking at me like my truth was too far out there.

Nana swept my tears away with her thumbs. Her head shook in denial.

Her voice pled, "It's ok. You can tell me the truth."

"This is the truth," I said frustrated.

"You don't have to be scared anymore," Nana said, growing more frustrated the longer I didn't say what she had hoped, "You don't have to be embarrassed. You can tell me. Whatever it is. I won't judge you."

Pulling her hands away from my face I snapped at her.

"Nana I'm telling you the truth!"

"You…you were scared," she snapped back, nodding her head as if she were convincing herself, "you didn't want to die. That's completely understandable. I wouldn't have wanted you to die either, I don't blame you for calling on him. I'm…glad that you did…honestly, I won't judge you. You're still my little Circe no matter what."

"Honestly," I said stressing the word, "I do not remember making a deal with him."

Bewildered by my response, Nana stood completely still. She was like a statue, the only thing moving were her eyes. They bounced from one eye to the other in quick succession.

I wasn't saying the words she wanted. The circumstance didn't compute with her. Nana couldn't calculate the math. She just couldn't accept it.

"That's some tall tell because…how? How could you just not know?"

"This was why I didn't want to tell you," I bellowed exasperated, "I knew you wouldn't understand!"

"No," Nana exclaimed, "I would understand if what you were saying made sense but Circe? Come on? You don't remember? How?"

This time I stormed off.

Angry I stomped off fisting my arms. They shook by my side while I griped under my breath.

"I knew you wouldn't understand. Why would I bother to tell you when I KNEW it was hard to believe?"

"I'll listen," Nana called hurriedly.

I paused. Knowing without having to look she was going far too fast to catch up with me.

I didn't want her to trip and hurt herself.

"Just give me a moment to take everything in. Ok," she begged, her voice come closer to me, "Please?"

Looking down at my feet I let a huge gust of air rush past my lips.

"Seriously," I said yet again, "I have no recollection of anything but running away from those goons in the woods. The last thing I remember is waking up at home, and that's it. I don't know what I bartered. If fact, I don't even know exactly how many times I've met the guy."

She came around me, bending down to get in my line of vision.

"Seriously? You really can't recall writing his name?"

I shook my head.

Nana stood going utterly speechless.

Wetting her lips, she surveyed gently, "How do you think that happened? Why can't you…remember?"

"You wouldn't believe me."

"I mean honey, you have to understand this sounds so farfetched," she stated, " I mean help me here. Did it trigger something from when your parents died? Is that what happened? Was that how you remembered everything?"

I shook my head. No that was most certainly NOT how it happened.

I stifled the urge to touch my lips again.

"Well then how," she shouted frustrated.

"Didn't you ever wonder why I couldn't remember anything from when mom and dad died," I hounded on her, hoping that she'd catch on, "The same thing happened before. Why is this time any different?"

She knew exactly what I was referring to, but she didn't like it. My reasoning was hard for her to fully wrap her head around.

"That was from trauma," she rationalized, using what the doctors had told her against me, "That's what they all said. That it wasn't unusual to forget a traumatic experience. Why would I think it was something different?"

"Nana, it wasn't just a moment. It was hours that I had lost. I mean how long do you think Gavin and I had waited in the closet for you?"

Her eyes flashed.

"What," she asked flummoxed, "No that's not what they said."

"They weren't there, were they," I asked.

How did the police know? Gavin and I couldn't remember a darn thing. Why would the cops know what transpired?

She stepped away from me, emotionally distancing herself from the dawning of a new horror.

"They didn't know we were in the closet," I said sorrowfully, "Heck I didn't even remember until today how or even why we were hiding there."

Nana balked.

"Dissociative Amnesia happens when someone witnesses something traumatic," she explained, "It's because they can't process it."

"Well yes that's true, but what if there was another reason we couldn't remember.

Her face twisted and her voice changed as if the thought sickened her, "He made you two forget? Is that what you honestly want me to…believe?"

I nodded.

Shaking her head Nana denied it.

"No."

Desperate I cried, "Yes! I saw it. He was there and he…"

"Was he the one who killed her," Nana gasped, horror struck, "was it…did the G..did she give her life in exchange for you two?"

My mouth shut. I bit my lip unsure.

I didn't know. I didn't see that part. My mother had taken us to the woods. Most likely the hooded Vampire must have either already been at our home or she knew he was coming. Our father had stayed at the house. Mommy had taken us to safety. She had said that she would send the Guardian if she couldn't come back. If she couldn't come back, because of the other Vampire then most likely she'd not offered her life to the Guardian.

"I don't know what she offered Nana."

Nana's head dropped. I could see that she had hoped that I did know. Her energy felt wounded.

Rubbing her chest Nana cried a little.

"So you couldn't see what she bartered?"

"No," I answered, "I don't know what they agreed on, but I do know that he didn't kill them. He had saved us from…the person who…killed mom and dad."

Nana's lip trembled. She fisted her shirt at her chest struggling to breath.

"So…they did…die didn't they," she asked pained.

Taking a deep shaking breath, I nodded.

Nana's voice warbled as she cried.

"I knew it. I mean we all knew it," she sobbed disheartened, "but I don't know why it doesn't hurt any less."

My throat burned as I spoke past my own tears, "It's one thing to…guess…but it's another thing…"

"To know," Nana fished sadly.

"Gavin and I forgot that night because he didn't want us to live our lives with that memory. He didn't want it hanging over our heads."

"So then did he move their bodies," she asked on the verge of another brake down, "Who cleaned up everything because that place was spotless! Not a drop of blood was found ANYWHERE Circe."

"I don't know."

"How do you know," she wailed, and then threw up her hands as if she were done with me, "You expect me to believe that he could do something like that but that's insane!"

I fired back at her, incredulous, "But wasn't it you who believed in some creature that would come out of thin air just because we called his name? Isn't that crazy? Isn't that just as irrational?"

"Well," she breathed flustered.

She looked at me full of surprise.

"You can apparently believe that some creature can live forever," I scoffed cutting her off, "but you think that it's too weird that he can erase memories?"

"Now Circe that just ain't fair!"

"He asks us for food and blood," I stated, incredulous, "you don't think that's weird?"

"Circe you are not being fair!"

"No," I challenged, "It's you who's not being fair. I'm telling you the truth, but you aren't giving it a chance!"

I couldn't believe my own ears. How in the world could Nana be the one to question me? How many times did she drag me up the hill to make an offering to a shrine of some creature I had never seen? Yet, this was too much for her?

Sputtering she couldn't find any footing. I'd put her on the spot, and now she there wasn't any way she could wiggle out.

"You're the one who said he was some evil creature," I reminded her, "What did you always say? Demon, they were great manipulators?"

"But that doesn't mean…"

"Why wouldn't they manipulate our minds too," I demanded.

"But why," Nana asked, feverishly, "Why would he want to do that? What would he gain from it?"

"I don't know," I loudly cried out, vexed, "I don't have all the answers! What I am telling you though is the truth! This dude has the ability to cut and paste our memories."

Nana warily dismissed me again wispering, "That's just…it just seems like you're taking this just a step too far."

"He's not human. How is this taking it a step too far? Wasn't it far enough when you thought he was just some demon?"

Her blue eyes shot up to me narrowing. She was getting annoyed now.

Crossing her arms, she said sternly, "So what are you saying now? He's not a devil?"

"He's not a devil."

Nana reared back like I'd just uttered the most absurd thing in the world and laughed at me.

"Not a devil," she cackled cynically, "then what the hell is he then?"

"He's a…"

"VAMPIRE," bellowed Gavin through the woods like a foghorn.