1 Godly Parenting 101

Setting: God Of War (2018)

Character: Thor, Tyr, Heimdall

Relation: Father

Arrival: Self-Insert

Powers: Essence of The All-Father, Essence of The Archmage, Essence of The Blank

People always wonder what it's like to be a god to wield ultimate power and access to knowledge most would see as unnatural.

Most would seek power or knowledge to solve their predicament and use it for their ends, but here I am.

"Get back here, you little maggot," A muscular redhead child said while chasing another young boy.

"Sorry, Thor, but if you're too slow, it's your own fault," a snarky reply coming from a mousy, bright-eyed child.

"Thor, Heimdall, ENOUGH! The Allfather will hear you, and he will not be happy," the oldest says while trying to keep the two apart.

Here I am, trying to be a good dad for three godly children so that one doesn't end up betraying me and the other two dead due to their own stupidity and unhealthy lives.

I better split them up before it gets bad, which I should be doing because Thor is about to pick up another hammer.

I use my magic to teleport between the two as Thor is about to strike Heimdal with his hammer. It's not Mjolnir, but it's decently sized.

"Allfather!" The three say in unison, Thor seeming a bit scared and Tyr somewhat nervous.

"Hello, boys. I see you are continuing your unique way of bonding, but I can't keep letting you destroy the buildings we have as they don't build," I say to the three, with Thor retorting.

"My apologies, father, but isn't that kind of redundant? Because you have access to nature magic, you can regrow the buildings".

"You're right, Thor, but regardless, all of you need to learn restraint because while we are within our realm, we only need to set an example for our people, even if most of them are only Einherjar and Valkyries," I say back to Thor which he then puts his head down in understanding.

I then turned to Heimdall and Tyr and said to them, "While you two might not have caused any damage, I am disappointed in you. We are expected to be better, and if we have no modicum of self-control or decorum, we will be seen as savages," I say to the two.

"But Heimdall called me fat and slow!" Thor exclaimed angrily.

"That is because you are you have the subtlety of a mallet surrounded by glass," Heimdall retorts.

"Oh, I'll show you subtle, you little shi-"

"Enough"

I didn't raise my voice at all but added divine power to my words, and the whole realm shook as the skies cracked and thundered, and my spear and my side hummed with energy, and without even realizing it, my voice had resonated through multiple realms reaching even Midgard.

"Did I not tell you not to start these childish brawls? Simply look around and see the pain you have caused and the mess you've made." I then made a sweeping gesture to the surrounding area, which had been decimated.

All three of them proceeded to do so and then looked ashamed, even though I personally felt bad for including Tyr.

Because he is personally my favorite, which does not make any of the others less loved, but he is the least troublesome of the three.

He reminds me of myself before I became all father himself, timid but can take charge in rare moments.

I'm proud of all three of them, as while I have become the father that most would fear in the future, many of the events that led to him gaining this reputation had not come to pass other than his slaying of Ymir.

I did what Odin did by creating the various realms using the different body parts of the primordial giant, which did cause a bit of awkward tension between Asgard and Jotenheim as I made peace with them not soon after.

You all may be wondering when I even was inserted into Odin. Well, it was when Odin attempted to open that tear between dimensions in the cave below his base of operations.

The pure burst of extra-dimensional energies pushed my wandering soul into Odin, and I found his body empty as if his soul had been torn out.

But luckily, I had all of his experiences and memories without the emotions behind them, and I solemnly vow to be there for my children, unlike the Odin that was seen in God Of War: Ragnarok.

To this day, I'm curious why I'm able to learn various magics and feel much stronger than Odin should be, in addition to the fact that I look more like Anthony Hopkins Odin from the Marvel Cinematic Universe with his much more masculine build.

But you know what they say: you never look a gift horse in the mouth.

Even Odin's spear is different, as I have changed a Gungnir with various runes and enhancements.

The various runes add to its deadly edge as each enchantment grants a different buff. It ranged from instant death attacks to ones that increase accuracy to a ridiculous degree and a couple of runes that deal with conceptual damage.

Upgrades People Upgrades.

Ohh, no, the three children are starting to fight again, and I returned from my ruminations as today is an essential day as I am meeting with the Vanir.

Not just to broker peace but to observe their realm as, thanks to my new enhanced learning related to magic, I can learn their magics by watching the innate energies flowing across each realm.

"OK, all three of you, I need you to be on your best behavior as we will meet with the Vanir today," I say in an authoritative tone, leaving no room to retort.

All three of them turn to me and say, "Yes, all father," but continue to give each other side-eyed glares.

"Good, we will be taking the Ravens today, and again, best behavior. I do not want Vanaheim wrecked by day's end. Understood," I say to the three young gods.

They nod, but I give them a bit more positive reinforcement before we leave.

"On the other hand, good form, Thor. I see you're taking your training seriously, and Heimdall, good work dodging his strikes, as well as how you made him angry due to your witty comments."

Thor slightly smiled, not to appear too happy, while Heimdall preened at the compliments, and Tyr just smiled amusedly.

Sound old positive reinforcement works wonders, showing how little they received before I took control.

I hope those three follow Kratos's example and be better, but knowing myself and that I'm going alone without a map, I may make some mistakes, which scares me.

When I first woke up as old, I felt his power and thought I could change the realms with a snap of my finger and make all people bow down to me.

That thought continues to haunt me.

It would make me know better than the original Odin because he not only sought knowledge but power and prestige but had the cunning not to show it on his face.

Every person in his life was but a chess piece that he had with Thor as a rook, Heimdall as a bishop, and Tyr as a political pawn.

Disgusting, to say the least, these are children of the future, and he saw them as pieces.

And under his tutelage, Heimdall would have been, and mind my French, a bootlicking little shit, Thor, an abusive and broken alcoholic, and Tyr, a traitor.

But enough of that for now. As the Ravens Huginn and Muninn have finished, our realm travel in Vanaheim is revealed.

As we begin to traverse the forests, we soon find ourselves being watched by particular creatures as both an interest and possible food source, but my presence keeps them at bay.

After a couple of minutes of walking, we find ourselves at the meeting place, and I find it ironic that the place where we broke our pieces was the same cave the resistance would live in in the future.

But things are off as I see the chief god of the Vanir Njord speaking with a wood spirit in a hasty tone, but he soon notices me and my sons and waves them away.

"Lord Odin, welcome to my realm, although not at the most opportune of times as my children are missing as it appears that those two somehow got away from their guards.", he says while looking at a couple of them who appear to be almost pissing themselves.

"It is alright, Lord Njord, although maybe so bold as to ask if we may assist you in this as my sons are expert trackers," I say in an understanding tone. The lord of Vanaheim considers this and nods.

We soon leave the grove, following the two tracks using Heimdall's foresight abilities. They could be more developed than what they are, but he has time.

Thor seems positively excited because he believes he will get to hit something, which is a high possibility, seeing how today is going.

Tyr wishes to escape the jungle as the local plant life has seemingly taken a varied interest in my son as a Venus flytrap almost swallowed him.

"Heimdall, have you located them?" I ask him as we have been walking for nearly an hour.

I could have located the Twins, but I want the three to gain more experience by going on this little adventure of ours, and who knows, it could be seen as a family bonding exercise.

"Yes, Allfather, they are just up ahead," Heimdall says in a confident tone, making Thor snort in annoyance.

It was quite adorable as while all three of them are developing more positively, they all have seemed to create a higher need for attention, but things seem to be going well, and it's not like anything can go wron-.

*Roooooar!*

Murphy thou art a pervasive dick. I think to myself while Thor practically sparkles with excitement as he yells.

"Oh no, it looks like they're in danger. Let's go hit it." Before we can say anything, he's already gone.

Tyr just sighs while Heimdall groans in annoyance as we find a clearing with Thor riding a Dreki.

"Tyr, Heimdall, help Thor, as I sense we are not alone," I say with utter seriousness as the two nod and attack the lizard.

And I was right to think so because not one minute after saying that, two other drekis shoot out from the forest, but before they could even begin to attack, they are felled instantly as if their strings were cut.

I had looked them in the eye, and I killed them with a look using my instant death magic.

As I approached the runaway prince and princess, the three children were busy trying to deal with the one giant lizard.

"Please do not resist. You are being rescued," I say warmly as Frey and Freya look at me and then at the boys as Thor smashes the Dreki's head to pieces.

They don't seem injured, but I used a subtle healing spell in case they had any injuries that I had not noticed.

The three boys then walk over as I introduce us to the twins.

"Well then, now that that ordeal is over, I would like us to introduce ourselves. I am Odin, King of Asgard, and these are my three sons: Thor, Heimdall, and Tyr".

After introducing ourselves, the Twins seemed almost baffled, which is understandable as my sons are covered in blood, and it appears that some blood had dropped onto Freya. I take a handkerchief to wipe some of it off, but Frey knocks my hand away.

This triggers Heimdall as he grabs the boy and puts him in a stranglehold, but I soon grab him by the back of his shirt and lift him off.

"Enough, Heimdall. The boy is in shock and does not know us. Rein in your rage," I say to him as he breathes and sighs while glaring at Frey.

Tyr helps the boy up and bows respectfully to the two royals, while Thor seems to be debating on whether to skin the dreki or not.

I then proceed to use telekinesis to lift up the drekis as the group eyes me, confused, as I smile and respond.

"Hey, these are three prime animals. I am not wasting them."

My sons then sigh at my actions with exasperated fondness as we trek back to Njord while I mutter about my kid's rebellious phase.

The peace talks do end up going well as the Vanir have no reason to hate Asgard yet as Frey had not been burned by my sons, nor have I forced marriage with Freya.

And as the party that resulted in the return of the prince and princess continues, I find myself alone, just watching.

I never even really wanted to leave my life behind as I had a decent job and no kids, but I did have a girlfriend. But now I'm here a ruler of realm and father of three unruly kids.

I'm trying to be better, but I'm so tired.

Before I can continue my thought process, I hear a voice beside me.

" Lord Odin, are you all right?" I hear Freya ask.

I smile at her and say, "Yes, I'm just thinking it's nothing you need to concern yourself with."

But Freya doesn't return to the festivities and looks at me, but she then asks, "Would you like me to join you?"

 This genuinely surprises me and kind of scares me, because in the canon this young girl would end up becoming my wife, but I remove those thoughts immediately as they come.

"There's no need to concern yourself with me, princess I'm just an old man thinking some useless thoughts."

But in a pure display of bravery, she sits down next to me looks me in the eye, and simply says, "You look like you could need some company."

My eyes widen at this girl's boldness, but I allow her as I do really want someone to talk to, and as I look at my sons, smiling and drinking nonalcoholic drinks, by the way, I smile and think to myself.

Always try to be better. I won't lose this life again.

You will be happy my sons I will make sure Iof it.