I'm alive.

Team heads out after breakfast, deciding to stop by and visit P'Waan. Since he and Win got serious he became close with his brothers, they remind of the brother he lost years ago. And he could really do with a big brother right now. He enters P"Waans office and sees him on the phone, he stops talking on the phone the minute he sees Team, quickly saying bye to the other person and clearing his throat. "Hey P'Waan, am I interrupting something? I can come back."

"No, come in. Im sorry I was just doing some business. Are you okay? I was planning on coming by later, Win asked me to check on you."

"Ah so you know what happened?" He rubs his temples, feeling embarrassed and edgy all over again.

"Yes, I actually watched the video also. You did good Team." P'Waan smiles at him reassuringly. "I'm sorry that you had to go through that but I'm also glad that you stood up for yourself." He walks up to Team and gives him a hug.

Team is taken aback by the affection that is shown by P'Waan. He hugs him back tightly needing some brotherly love right now. "Thank you P." He pulls away, "Have you eaten yet? Can I take you out for lunch if you're not busy?

Waan laughs, "How about I take you out for lunch, I'm the big brother remember? This is good, I can set you straight while I'm at it, seems like you and Win are keeping things from me recently."

Team looks at him confused, "No, there is nothing we have kept from you."

"Really? Win and Dean quit the club? Going against the president of the university?"

Team groans, "Win should have told you P, I'm sorry. I think he wanted a solution before coming to your parents. He is waiting to see if he gets expelled for his actions towards the president. But it was totally justified P"Waan, I promise. Lets go I will tell you everything. He grabs Waans hand and leads him out the door.

******

Waan listens quietly as Team tells him the story from the beginning. The more Team explains the angrier he gets, not only is this kid messing with Win but taunting and going after Team too. He became really close to Team, he loves this kid as he does his won flesh and blood. He feels his anger rising. Tul wasn't joking when he said the kid was a menace, that is actually an understatement. "Team, are you sure you're okay? What you are saying is crazy, no normal person behaves this way. I think you should be careful around this kid, if he is willing to go this far just to get what he wants he could be dangerous. Should I get you a bodyguard?"

"Huh? A bodyguard? P'Waan maybe you are over thinking this whole thing, he is just a spoilt kid. I'll be okay." He never considered what Waan suggested, is he really dangerous? He shakes his head not wanting to believe that. "I'm perfectly safe, Win takes good care of me, even though I'm an idiot. When this whole thing happened yesterday I ran away instead of going to him. I feel terrible about it. Sometimes I get a wild hair and act irresponsibly. I hope Hia doesn't feel hurt because of me." Team sighs knowing he does, he saw it this morning in his eyes even though he tried to hide it.

"Hey, its okay. Win is a big boy. Dont be so hard on yourself Team, this is your first relationship, besides that fact, this is not a relationship that is 'conventional'. You are dating another man so you are already at a disadvantage in this situation. Win knows better then anyone the toll it can take on a person when they first openly admit they like someone of the same gender. Win knows that you will make mistakes, he doesn't expect anything from you, just for you to be with him for a long time." He hopes that Team takes his words to heart, he remembers when Win told them about his preference, they all accepted it obviously but that didn't mean they were not concerned. This is tricky because Team and Win have very different personalities, he just hopes that Team loves his brother enough to wither the storm.

"What are you thinking P? You look conflicted."

"Do you think you can get through this and come out the other side with Win? I just want you to know that the people who love you, support you always. And its not just because you are dating my brother. I want you to know that you are also my brother Team, my little brother. I will do for you the same things I would for Win or Wiew."

Team puts his hand over his heart, feeling the warmth grow inside. "I'm lucky P, having all of you in my life. I know I will make it with Win because even if he is ready to give up, I wont. You wont get rid of me P, even if you tried." He smiles widely him.

Waans phone starts ringing and he inwardly groans, knowing exactly what this call is about, "Hey dad." He listens intently, noticing that Teams expression becomes somewhat nervous. He realizes his phone is so loud that Team can hear every word his father is saying. He smiles sheepishly quickly turning the volume lower. "Calm down dad, I will deal with this. Please allow me to go in your place." He father agrees asking when he will be back, "Well, Team is here in Chonburi so I will go back with him tomorrow." He listens again before ending the call. "Yes, I know you heard, the president called my father in. But don't worry I already made arrangements to settle the matter so I will be going in as Wins guardian. "

"Is he mad?" Team heard a bit of the conversation where Wins dad was mad that he quit the club. "I mean we have a plan to get P'Dean and Hia back to the club."

"Relax Team, I have some news on the matter, want to hear?" Waan tells Team all the information he has, "I have a plan, will you go with me to the university? But don't tell Win."

Team just nods his head agreeing, not knowing how to respond. Who would have guessed that P'Waan was ruthless to this degree? Team makes a mental note never to get on his bad side. He sees a satisfied yet sinister smile cross his lips. "This will be fun." is al he says before ending the discussion. Team nods again, looking at the brother in a new light altogether.

******

He make one last stop before heading home. He looks down at P'Tons head stone, his heart filling with sadness. He misses his brother, he sits down in front of it dusting the dried leaves off and putting the fresh roses he bought on the way. "I always wonder P'Ton, what kind of man you would have become. I know you would have been great, kind, gentle. What scares me is the thought that you wouldn't be proud of me, of who I am. I fell in love P, but with a man. Would you accept that? Would you accept me? Would you have sacrificed your life for me back then had you known that I would be this person when I grew up? All these thoughts have been heavy on my mind these past few days. Hia Win is great P'Ton, somehow I don't feel like I'm good enough for him. I'm such a mess, I have always been since the day you left me. I need my brother." Team wipes his tears, "When we meet again I want you to be proud of the life I lived, knowing I had you in my heart the entire time. But I keep doubting myself, I keep making mistakes with Hia Win. What if one day he wakes up and realizes there is someone better then me out there for him? Because there is, I'm sure of it. I have nothing to offer him except me."

"And that is good enough."

He turns and sees P'Tons mother. "Ah aunty Ta, I'm sorry I didn't know you were coming today. I'll leave." He wakes up but she goes to sit next to where he was and pats the grass, calling for him to sit back down. He nods his head and takes a seat. "Did you hear everything?"

"I did." She looks at the headstone and smiles a loving smile. "He knows all about you and Win, I get updates from your mother and when I visit him, I tell him all about the two of you." She takes his hands in hers.

Team feels how frail and soft her hands have become. He is quiet not knowing how to speak to her.

"You know when we last met here and you told me what I had said to you, I regretted it very much. I was so stupid. In that moment I wasn't thinking about you and your feelings at all. I'm sorry."

"He hears her sniff, "Aunty Ta, please don't cry. I'm sorry, I was..."

She cuts him off, "Just listen Team." He nods, "When we are angry or hurt we say things in that moment not realizing the impact they have on the other person. I was out of my mind, having seen him lying there... That was a big piece of why your trauma stuck with you all these years and I'm sorry for that. Parents are not always perfect. I'm so sorry because on that day when I hurt you, I lost both my sons." She finally breaks down. "One left this earth and the other kept away from me because he thought I hated and blamed him. I always thought you were riddled with guilt that's why you stayed away, I didn't know I was the reason. Can I have at least one of my sons back?"

Team puts his arms around her, crying with her. He breaks away and wipes her tears, "I'm sorry, I should have known better. I didn't know how to approach you, how to apologize, how to even look at you in your eyes knowing that I survived and he didn't." He steadies himself and continues, "I am seeing a therapist to overcome my guilt, I should have done it years ago but I kept it all hidden. My parents didn't even know how I struggled, some days I just wanted jump in front of a train because I was haunted with the memory of him saving me." He squeezes her hand, This was not your fault, it was a natural reaction to being so young and experiencing something of that capacity. Please believe me, you didn't do anything to hurt me." She has suffered enough, he needs her to understand that what happened was not on her.

"Thank you son."

They sit in complete silence, both of them healing their minds. Their hands stay joined the whole time. He feels so comfortable in this moment, he almost thinks he can feel P'Ton next to him. "I promise I will come around more but only if you promise to visit me in Bangkok and come to my tournaments?"

She smiles, "You have a deal." She puts her head on his shoulder, "I think Ton would be proud of you. I think he would be in your corner fighting anyone who judges or criticizes you for the person you have become. He loved you Team, so much that he gave his life for you. Do you really think if he was here he would be against you loving Win? That he would be against any choice that makes you truly happy? No." She wakes up and puts her hand out to him, "You need to let him go now Team, let him go and live your life. His mom is here, I will always be here so you can be assured he will always be okay." She cups his face in her hands and pulls him down, she kisses his forehead and pulls him into a deep hug, "You are perfect, you are worthy, you are loved. Let go now Team and live the best life with the person who loves you the most, accomplish all your dreams and not Tons, just live son, this is he only way to honor him." She runs her hand up and down his back soothing him the way a mother does to their toddler. "Enough crying now, lets go. I'm inviting myself for dinner at your house." She smiles.

This is the first time in a long time team has seen her genuinely smile. He wipes his face with the back of his hand and nods, accepting that she is right. They start walking back to the car. He takes one last look at P'Ton and silently says goodbye to his brother, this time he is letting go. He feels the chains around him that suffocated him all this time finally release and he can breath again, he takes a deep breath and the air hasn't felt this crisp in years. I'm alive, he says this to himself. "I'm alive P'Ton, I'm alive. Thank you."

******

Team jumps in bed half asleep but still on the phone with Win, he feels like he has been up for days. He doesn't tell Win that he will be back tomorrow because he doesn't know that P'Waan is going back with him. "Hia can I sleep?" He told Win all about the talk he had with aunty Ta, he was relieved knowing that its a chapter he is finally closing.

"Sure baby. I will talk to you tomorrow. You sure you're good? Should I come to you?"

He smiles into the smile, he really does love this man, "Yes Hia, I'm okay promise. I love you. Dream of me." He ends the call and stretches out, knowing tomorrow will be a big day for all of them. He mentally shields his mind, ready for anything that is thrown at him. This time he wont cry and he wont justify himself. This time he will be the one in control no matter what they throw at him. Time for Team 2.0 to make his debut.

******