Beautiful pain.

Its almost midnight when Team checks the time, he sighs holding Win tighter. He made the mistake of going online and reading the comment section of the cute boy page. Most of it was encouraging and messages of solidarity but there were some that were really nasty. He should have expected it, he saw first hand the way people reacted when P'Dean and Pharm officially made their relationship public. Still it stirs feelings of anxiety inside him, he was not ready to be outted to the whole university but that is exactly the situation they were put in. He doesn't blame anyone though, sooner or later it was bound to happen. The story steam rolled from abuse of power and bribery to should being in a gay relationship be allowed on campus. He squeezes his eyes shut but he cant keep the voices out of his head. He tosses and turns, counts sheep, even pinches himself till his skin almost breaks but nothing can take his mind away. He thinks about waking Win but decides against it, he has been through enough today already. He reruns the comments in his mind again:

XXXXX: These gay fags are a stain on our prestigious university, disgusting! Out with them!

XXXXX: Thank heavens my child was not accepted into that club, who knows what brainwashing they use on children to make them gay. First the President, now the vice-president. We want answers.

XXXXX: As if being gay is a choice. It literally doesn't affect your life so leave them alone.

XXXXX: They make me sick. God didn't create us this way, its unnatural. I hope their parents feel ashamed. How were they even raised?

XXXXX: All you keyboard warriors need to get a life. I bet you all secretly lonely and miserable in your own life that's why it angers you so much. Why cant people live their lives the way they want?

XXXXX: We support you. Thank you for being brave and standing up for all the wrongs many have faced before you.

XXXXX: If being gay is unnatural then I am unnatural and proud. I am at peace with who I am and so are my parents. The rest of you haters can go suck...

XXXXX: They need to be put in camps and rehabilitated.

XXXXX: Honestly I pray everyday that their kind will all disappear. Makes me so uncomfortable knowing these people are in the same society as my children.

XXXXX: In this day and age people still have such a backward way of thinking, I'm shook.

The comments only got worse from then on, they had been called every slander and derogatory word in the book. Team struggles with himself, why are people so rude. Its one thing watching it in a movie or seeing it being done to someone else but when its you they are speaking about... He feels his face wet and realizes he has been silently crying. His heart is broken, he has never been so happy but so devastated at the same time. Team is just now learning to love himself, this is a blow he didn't see coming. He starts to question himself, wondering if there is something wrong with him. He turns and looks at a sleeping Win and cant help but choke, he loves this man with everything he has. He makes me happy, his golden hair so perfect, each tattoo portraying a piece of his soul, his straight nose and sharp jaw line are more beautiful then any Van Gogh painting ever created, his lips as soft and sweet like cotton candy straight out of the machine and his smile, God his smile can melt a thousand Alaskan winters. How can this be wrong? Why is it vile and unnatural to love somebody? Team completely breaks down, not able to hold it it any longer.

Win is waken when he hears choked sobs, he sees Team shaking and trying to cover his mouth so as not to make a sound, "Team? Team what's wrong?

"Hia." He turns around and grabs his boyfriend around the waist burying his head in his chest, he is full on having a break down. He tries to stop himself but cant control his emotions any longer.

"Team your scaring me, are you okay? What's going on?" Win is concerned, not seeing his boyfriend like this before. The way he called him Hia sent a chill down his spine, he has a dreadful feeling building up inside of him. He swallows the bile rising in his throat, "Shhhh, its okay baby. Its okay. I'm here." He pulls him closer and holds him tighter, rubbing his hand up and down his back trying to soothe him. He peppers soft kisses on his head just silently comforting him knowing that he will not speak until he calms down. Win wears a worried expression waiting for Team to calm down, his heart is hurting hearing the sorrow in his sobs. What the hell happened? Win tries to pull away but Team tightens his grip, not letting him move even an inch. This is bad. "Team, did something happen? I cant help you if you don't talk to me baby. Please talk to me." Teams just tries to get closer to him, at this point its as if Team is trying to climb into his skin. He doesn't know for how long they stayed in this position with Team just crying in his arms. When Team finally calmed down enough to sleep he still held him close trying to understand what was it that happened. As he was thinking about it he himself fell asleep.

When he woke up in the morning he noticed that Team was nowhere in the room, he checks his phone and there's a text from him saying he had an early class and would call later. Something about the text seems cold and detached. He starts feeling dread build up again. Win is genuinely scared, this is what he felt the night Team almost drowned, like he is going to lose him. He quickly shoots Dean a text before jumping in the shower.

Win: Did something happen yesterday that I don't know about?

Dean: No. Is everything ok?

Win: Sure. See you soon.

He tries but fails to quash the feelings of worry inside him. Win has always had good instincts and this time its telling him to run to Team, he can feel something is wrong, he can feel that this is not something that can be easily fixed. He questions and second guesses himself constantly while getting ready, am I being paranoid? Was it just because of another nightmare? Shit. He rushes out the door after getting a cryptic text from Team:

Team: I need to get away for a bit, I'm fine Hia. I love you.

His stomach drops and now he is sure something did happen, he calms his nerves enough to ride. Almost there baby, almost there.

******

Team has a restless sleep, waking with a pounding headache. He grimaces as he tries to exit Wins stronghold as quietly as possible, he kisses his cheek softly feeling bad that he kept him up most of the night with his crying. A good cry can always make you feel better and yesterday he let it all out. He feels better but still uneasy. He decides not to check anymore comments for his own sanity. He doesn't need the negativity especially after yesterday. He showers then gets dressed, opting not to wake up Win and let him sleep in since he only has classes in the afternoon. He checks his phone and has messages from their class group chat. He checks the messages and immediately his mood turns sour. He grabs his keys and leaves in an hurry.

When Team enters the university he can feel the stares and hear the whispers around him. He hears Manow call his name and the look on her face is one of true concern. His friends know him very well, they can tell just by looking at his swollen eyes that he has seen the comments yesterday. He shakes his head letting them know he is just going to just go straight to class, at least there he can hide. This is his worst nightmare. He hears some kids from his class call his name, he is familiar with these boys. He smiles at them, "Hey guys, what's up?"

"Oh nothing buddy. So I have seen many stories floating all over the university, are you gay? Is that how you got number 1 in the swim club? By banging the vice president? There must be some gay serum in the pool because the whole club seems to like bending over." All of them start laughing, pushing each other as if proud.

Team stills and feels his chest get tight, its almost hard to breath.

"Dont get too close boys, he might fall in love with us. But really, are you the bitch or is P'Win your bitch?

" They all laugh once again.

"You certainly don't have to worry about that." Team sounds as dead and cold as he feels in this moment. His coldness hushes the crowd and he can see from the corner of his vision his friends gather at his side, ready to shield him from anything. "You see when you date a man like Hia Win who is an absolute God in looks and even in bed, you wouldn't go for -1 like you. He's smart, he's rich, he has a body most dream of, he's sexy as hell and the nicest, kindest, loving human I know. What is it that you have exactly that would make me fall for you?" He hears snorts and giggles from the people around, a few have their phones out, no doubt recording. Nobody expected him to react the way he did, he was always Team the nice guy, the guy who plays along, the guy who would do anything you ask, the guy who will take a hit for you even if you his friend in passing. These boys he considered friends, he should have known better.

"Wow, you don't have to be so hostile man, I was just joking." He rubs the back of his neck feeling awkward.

Teams eyes narrow at the boy, pure fire burning in them, "Am I a joke to you? Is my life a joke to you?" Team turns his head away trying to hide the tears string his eyes. He takes a deep breath before turning back to the boy, "You all have so much to say about my life right, acting like I take bread and milk from you to survive, the way you all feel you are entitled to an opinion. No, actually its my fault, I thought of you as friends not knowing you are just scared little homophobic pricks, judging something you don't fucken understand. By your logic you must be in love with every woman you meet right, maybe your friends sister or their mother, since I want every man because I'm gay! Yes I said it, I like men! You happy? Can I get my loaf of bread now? Should I go down on my knees and beg your holy highness? Since you're so important and have the right to comment on everyone else." Team looks around at all the people who put their heads down looking guilty, "What? Laugh. Why did you stop? I'm a joke right?" He looks to his friends who are in tears, mainly Pharm. He walks over to him and lifts his chin, "Hold your head high, we did nothing wrong here. I would rather be gay then be any of these sad judgmental losers with a superiority complex when they actually just nobody's. Wipe that look of shame off you face because the only people here who should feel ashamed are them, I pity them."

He walks back and stands in front of the boy, "I pity you. I pity all of you here because you are sheep, blindly following what others think and having too small of a brain to think for yourself. I pity you because you will never know true happiness and what it feels like to be loved and cared for. I pity you because even though you say the most vile and hurtful things about us because of who we are, we are the ones who are happy and none of you can take that away from us!"

"Team, I'm sorry I didn't..."

"No, don't apologize now. You showed everyone what a piece of shit you are already. Is this how you were raised? What kind of parents do you even have?" The boys eyes widen in shock realizing Team saw the comments he made in the group. "Yes, I saw it." As much as Team tries to control his emotions, the dam wall he was trying to patch collapsed and tears stream down his face, "I'm not a monster, I'm a human. I have feelings just like everyone else. Pharm has feelings just like everyone else." He says on a whisper. "What wrong did we ever do to any of you? We know not everyone accepts us and we don't try to force it down your throats, nor do we ask you to change your beliefs for us, we just want to be left alone. Is that hard? Do you need to berate us? Make us out to be a stain on humanity? How are we wrong for falling in love?" Team wipes his eyes and looks at his friends, "We did nothing to any of them."

Everyone is silent, not knowing how to react or respond in this situation. Team can hear a few sobs and sees some of the people around crying with him. He composes himself to a level where he can at least speak, "Ironic isn't it, you are the religious one, the one who believes in heaven and hell, the one who believes in right and wrong, yet you are the one bullying and causing people pain, insulting and making a mockery of us, judging us. What will your God say to you when its your turn to be judged?" He turns and walks away, headed straight back to his car. He can hear his friends calling him but he doesn't turn around. He needs to get away, he takes out his phone and sent a message to the group:

Team: Please, I just need space. I'm okay.

He decides to send a text to Win while he is at it.

Team: I need to get away for a bit, I'm fine Hia. I love you.

And with that Team drives, he drives and drives until he pulls into the familiar driveway. He sees his mom coming out of the house a bit surprised to see him, he walks up to her and just releases every pent up emotion he had been trying to hold onto these last few hours. She holds him tightly, her scent so comforting. He just stands there holding onto his mom, never feeling safer then he does now.

******

He pulls into the parking lot where he sees Dean waiting for him with a cautious look on his face. He knows this means Dean has something to say but is unsure how he will handle the news so he has to deliver it with care. "Dont bullshit me and just tell me. Where the hell is Team?" Dean nods his head but instead of telling him he shows him the video, each second making Win want to throw up even more. Shit. He should have known after the news was spread all over the university this would happen. How could he be so stupid, he really dropped the ball on this one. team was not ready for the world to know and they just made it public. He closes his eyes, "Where is he Dean? Why did I get a text telling me he needs to go away?" He is starting to panic now, is he okay? Was he calm enough to drive? Is he safe? Win drives himself crazy with all the questions. He tries calling but no answer. Dean tries calling but no answer.

"He will be okay, he probably just needed time to cool off. Give him time Win." Dean puts his hand on Wins shoulder and squeezes. He knows the look on his face is one of worry but he cant help it. He knows too well the feelings Team is experiencing, till this day he still feels the sting of peoples comments and looks when they see him. But unlike him Team was not ready, forcing someone who is not ready to come out is one of the worst things that can happen to them. Team didn't have time to build his shield around his heart, he was thrown straight into boiling hot lava. When he watched the video and saw the look on Pharms face, he broke too. Seeing his boyfriend wearing a look of shame shattered Dean in ways he never knew possible, but always the protector, Team was right there to support him. Now when its Teams turn to be protected, he is not here. Dean struggles against himself, partly blaming himself for this mess. How could he have handled all this differently? Fuck. He is shaken out of it by Win.

"Dont be an asshole, it was not your fault. You know better then anyone that we cannot control how people think and feel about us. I should have known better. Shit. What am I going to do?" Win blames himself, his usually more thorough then this. What if Team leaves him? No, no, no, that is not an option to him, still it lingers in the back of his mind. Would he really stop him? Seeing Team on that video made him lose his confidence. He begins second guessing everything until this point. He has dealt with all kinds of hate but watching Team experience the ugly side of humanity is not something he thinks he can handle. He just wants to wrap him in bubble wrap and keep him innocent for the rest of his life. Yes, Win was also once a bright eyes, carefree young man until he discovered who he was and was berated for it. He feels his heart start rapidly beating, he puts his hand to his chest and closes his eyes, "Its okay Win, calm down."

"Win, are you okay? Do you need to sit down?" Dean looks at his friend concerned. He knows Win so he knows that he is going through every scenario in his mind, what the outcome will be, who will it hurt, will he lose Team. Win is an analytical thinker across the board, he is weighing every option in his mind for the best outcome but you cant be logical in love, this is something Win has never been able to grasp. Team is the first person who makes him work on emotion alone but seeing him right now, he fears that Win will retreat back to his old self. "Dont do it Win, I know what you are thinking and I'm asking you not to do it. This is not just about you anymore, you will destroy Team if you leave him, even if you think you are doing it for him trust me you are not. You will do it so you don't have to see him in pain not realizing that you will be the one that causes him the most pain." He looks at his friend hoping he understands this.

Win feels conflicted, confused. "Was I wrong Dean, in pursuing him? Should I have just let him live his life? Was I selfish for not even considering this outcome knowing Team is afraid? All these thoughts are attacking me and I am just not sure if being with me was the best thing for him."

Dean is taken aback when he realizes the look in Wins eyes is fear, he in genuinely scared. "I believe that the two of you would have ended up together no matter what happened. The love you and him have for each other is unmatched. Dont think this way, Team asked you for time so be an adult and give it to him. Right now he is doing what he needs to do to for him. One day he will look back at this memory and describe it as beautiful pain, because I promise you that your love will be stronger for it." He hopes he is right. If this doesn't work, Win will never open himself up again, he can say that with confidence. Team is the one, the only one who will ever hold his heart. For the sake of his best friend he sends a silent prayer to anyone who can hear him, asking them to please protect them, let them keep what they have because he knows for both their sakes, they are each others only lifeboat. "Lets go, take your mind off this until you hear from Team.

******

Win gets back to his dorm pretty late, still nobody had heard from Team, he received another text saying his okay. He immediately tried to call but no answer again. He lays down and closes his eyes, his phones starts ringing and he immediately answers thinking its Team but to his surprise its Teams mother, "Hello Win, how are you doing son?"

"I'm okay mom, is everything okay?" Nervous he bites the inside of his cheek.

"Yes, everything is okay. I'm just calling to tell you that Team is with me, he drove home after he left the university. He is just feeling a bit fragile after crying in front of everyone. A little embarrassed too. He is okay son, don't worry."

Win lets out a relieved breath, "Thank you mom, it means a lot that you called. Is he asleep?"

"Yes, he is asleep. I will make him come back in a day or two, promise."

"Thank you mom, tell him to call me when he wakes up. If there's anything he needs please let me know."

"Thank you for taking care of my boy. He loves you very much. You're a good son-in-law Win." with that she ends the call.

Win hears dead air, "Hello? Hello? Mom?" He smiles a shy smile, son-in-law, hmm, I like the sound of that. He is finally at ease knowing that Team is safe at home. He decides the best option is to get his head straight while Team is not here, he packs a bag and heads home not worrying about classes, needing a break too. He vows to make this right, for Teams sake because nothing else matters more to him. Win the protector is once again activated.

******