We All Broke Ourselves

Doubt...

It's a very complicated word. We all have doubts. Doubts in ourselves. Doubts about our abilities. Doubts about our relationships. There is doubt everywhere around us.

We have caged ourselves, our creativity, and our passions between the shafts of the doubt.

A single word, doubt. It destroys us.

There is a very peculiar thing about doubt; once it's seed makes a place in a person's mind. There is no way to get it out. It doesn't even need the water of evidence to sprout. It just grows on its own. And keeps growing on and on and on...

When Xu Mey first started out on this journey of revenge, she was filled with doubts. She had no confidence in herself. The timid, weak, and unapproachable girl. She was someone who always avoided standing in front of the mirror.

She was scared of her own reflection. Why? Because she believed that the reflection in that mirror always asked her questions, she had no answer of.

She had the talent but no conviction. She asked back then, "What if I fell?"

Back then her sensei was standing beside her. That person brought her before a mirror and made her look at her own reflection. "Make the mirror your best friend. And, you'll never be alone again..." Was the reply she heard in that familiar calm yet alluring voice. "If you fell, just stand in front of this mirror. And your reflection will tell you how to stand back again."

"The mirror only tells the truth, Sensei. It'll only criticize me on my failure like it always does." Xu Mey was exasperated.

"If you'll have the ability to accept that criticism, you'll be able to stand back up. Even taller than before. Stronger than before." Those brown eyes looked into her own black ones. "Don't hide from the truth. Don't hide from criticism. And most importantly, don't hide from the mirror. It's true that people like to hide behind the mirrors of lies and we wish that those around us were like glass; transparent. But when it comes to us, we need to face that reflection of reality in the mirror."

Xu Mey fell into another dilemma back then. But that moment and those words made her wish to grow out of her cocoon of self-doubt. She'll never be able to forget the words her sensei told her at the end:

"Some people like to escape the reality.

Some people like to face reality.

But...

No one likes to embrace reality..."

The doubt, the nagging question in her mind that frustrated her from the morning was still not answered. Even until the afternoon, she had no idea what to do?

Li Qiao was right that she needed to hear her heart. But it wasn't as easy as he made it sound like.

There was only one person who could answer her questions. She picked up her phone and typed a single sentence. "What if he broke me?"

She knew she didn't have to type the unnecessary details. That person didn't need her words to know what's running in her mind. But then again, that person didn't need to hear words from anyone to know about their personality or thought.

She waited for 2 minutes before the reply came. It read: "At least once in our life, we all broke ourselves for the sake of someone else."

That sentence hit the deepest part of Xu Mey's heart. No. It struck at her soul. The meaning was clear; even if she'll have to break, she'll have to walk through this experience. She needed to experience every feeling herself without anyone else' interference.

Xu Mey was staring at the flashing screen deep in her thoughts when the phone in her hand started ringing. The caller ID made her so jumpy that she almost dropped the phone. Calming her nerves through the breathing techniques she learned in the morning, she finally managed to pick up the call.

"Hello, my dear wife!" Came the sweet, soft and husky voice from the other end. Ye Jie was standing in line waiting for his turn to get the tteokbokki for Ye Jun when the reminder on his phone caught his attention. It was a reminder he set yesterday to call Xu Mey at the exact time he called the day before.

"Why are you calling?" Xu Mey was really curious about it.

Ye Jie frowned a bit at her reply. "Didn't I just tell you yesterday that a husband doesn't need a reason to call his wife?" He heard a low 'oh' from her side. "When will you be home?" He asked.

"Mmm, I don't know. Why?"

"Well, I left work early today. So, I was thinking why not we go out for dinner tonight?" Ye Jie was cautious and expectant at the same time.

"I don't think so." She replied without taking a minute to think.

"Why?" He was feeling dejected.

"Your brother is sick. And it doesn't seem nice to leave him alone at home while he is running down with a fever. A sick person always needs company." She had a sad tone in her voice as if reminiscing about something.

Ye Jie suddenly felt the urge to snap Ye Jun's neck with his bare hands. This was the second time in a single day that he became a lightbulb and a bright one at that too. Thinking about something Ye Jie said, "So, we can go out for dinner tomorrow if Ye Jun is better by then?"

"Yeah, sure." Her reply appeased him a bit. "If there is nothing else-"

Ye Jie interrupted her speech. "Ms. Cherry?"

"Mhm."

"Why are you so worried about Ye Jun? You see, he's my brother." He emphasized on 'my brother' a bit more than necessary.

"That's exactly why." She replied calmly.

"Huh?" Ye Jie didn't get her meaning.

"He's your brother, Mr. Rain. That's why." Xu Mey disconnected the call after her sentence. She said it very casually. But those casual words were not so casual for Ye Jie. He was completely stunned on his place.

The person standing behind him in the line pushed a little and broke his train's route to merry land and brought it back to reality. 'Because he's my brother.' Ye Jie was smiling idiotically.

'Ye Jun... My brother... You finally came to some use...'