Mastermind

I'd grieved Nevaeh in my own way and in the days that followed the funeral I told myself my baby was still here. I pretended she had never been separated from me, at all. I could almost see her struggling to tie the laces in her shoes. What had transpired seemed like a dream for the longest and I had drifted into a deep depression over the past few days. When I realized she would never come back home the epiphany ripped out my heart, over and over with each thought of her. Looking at the unaccounted for child Vondre' had come in with had done me in, I screamed while she'd tried to console me that night, 4 years old; she just hadn't understood. At times she appeared sad as well and I wondered why Dre' thought he could even swear a child to secrecy in the first place. She'd been asleep in the car when Daddy Dre---found her.

I couldn't follow the news coverage about the disappearance like I had been, and as they would speak optimistically about the woman's return I knew she would never and so had her husband---

Once the child heard her father's voice and got up from the mattress before running to the living room. When I realized it, she'd seen his face and inquired about why he was crying. Dre' had really gone and done it this time and I'd become careless about my own decisions. Darius had not even once called but had texted, I'd seen the message after I had finally powered on my phone.

"Are u that angry that u will continue to ignore me!"

I turned off the television after being disgusted by Franklin Warner's tears.

"Do u have a phone?" Sasha had asked. I had finally powered it on while she complained about my choice of television--only shows on the news station and saw Darius' many unanswered messages. Did he have a conscience now?

The heaviness in my chest would not subside and my feelings toward my brother shifted regularly; I knew he had fucked up royally and the day he'd come back with the moving truck we'd left most of the old furniture behind, there were memories of the children left behind also and no matter how expensive the furniture was he'd bought, it hadn't compensated any of what I'd lost that had held memories of them. Even DJ's piss stain on the middle sofa pillow he'd tried to hide.

That day the child and I sat on the mattress in his bedroom,well--- the boys old bedroom, and waited for Vondre' to return. The child played with the phone before reciting her mother's phone number---and had dialed it on the dial pad, when I realized what she'd done I snatched the phone away. Her confused expression only agitated me more. I needed to get rid of the child, for Vondre's sake.

I couldn't even tend to myself, let alone the little girl and I knew her picture was all over the news, I'd seen it many times and had instantly recognized her. Wasn't adding up though, why had he killed Sandra? Hadn't he admitted to me she was dead? The news only labeled her as missing---I knew she was dead and wanted every detail! I needed the details so I could protect Vondre'! The coverage that I had followed had been about a murder and not a disappearance as they kept saying!

I began to question the child about her parents.

"I miss Mommy---is she still in the grocery store? Why didn't she wake me up?"

Also, "Me and mommy saw Daddy Dre' beside the Christmas tree in the mall talking to Daddy!"

That had been months prior---had Vondre' known them personally?

What hadn't made sense was how he'd managed to kill Sandra and take the small child without anyone seeing either abduction. I'd known the child was asleep when Vondre' removed her from the car.

I felt she had all the answers but also knew just I couldn't keep her long---she would be recognized, besides I wanted my own child! The waves of grief would hit me and I admit, the little girl was the cause and cure of them. Her presence soothed the ache but I hated her existence! I only walked to the kitchen and counted the roasts in the freezer---there were 13.

As he'd said, my brother had found the house in Abshire, a neighboring community, and every time I asked how we would afford it he only said the expenses were already taken care of. The 4 bedroom one story single family home was 40 miles away from the section 8 apartment I'd lived in for 2 years and the rent was waaay more than twelve dollars I determined upon seeing it behind the white fence; what the hell had he gone and done now! I couldn't live there and I told him! I wanted home! I wanted to stay in that apartment and picture Nevaeh going out that door with Darius! I wanted to picture the confidence that lit up on her face when I told her I would do what I could to bring them home! WERE MY BOYS SAFE!? The depression would not allow me to function, how could I do what it took, he had destroyed me! He'd finally won! He was still winning!

AND I COULDN'T KEEP THE GIRL! He could just bring me a child to replace my own! Was he a fucking idiot! Didn't he miss Nevaeh, why would he even try to replace her!? SHE LOVED UNCLE DRE! I was so fragile, I wanted to end it all but the girl was there---I'd even picked up the gun Dre' kept in the kitchen cabinet!

When we arrived and as he unloaded the stuff he'd brought from the apartment he mentioned me cutting the girl's hair. "Sis, just---make her look like a boy just for a little while, but she's yours. I know it won't bring Nevaeh back but I'll do whatever I can to make u happy."

"DRE! I WANT MY OWN CHILD BACK! NOT----SOMEONE ELSE'S!"

"VONDA! U SOUNDING REAL UNGRATEFUL RIGHT NOW!"

He had become angry and while he held the two folding chairs after we'd arrived I saw the temper Sheretta had mentioned more than once---"U only see the side of him he wants u to see!"

I told him he had lost his fucking mind and had briefly thought about returning the girl to her father, I threatened to do so! " I KNOW WHO SHE IS DRE!"

"U fucking up Vonda! Just do what I tell u to! She ain't going no where, that nigga don't even want her! SHE NOT HIS!"

His voice echoed off the walls throughout the large empty home, his excuses sickened me sometimes! He reminded me so much of the man who Mama said we belonged to!

He'd specifically called her his child on the news and I remembered him vividly--his shiny bald head and graying beard. I had seen many segments where he'd appeared pleading for their return! I told him how much of a liar he was and said I couldn't help him if he wasn't being straightforward with me!

Ignoring me, he'd gone back to the truck to retrieve the bins, come back in and said "Furniture will be here at ten in the morning, u gotta cut off all of her hair, point blank period. I grabbed some of DJ's old clothes, put them on her."

My brother had lost his black ass mind!

She watched us back and forth; I'd finally taken her to one of the bedrooms and closed the door to continue the discreet conversation. Vondre' nonchalantly continued to bring in more items. At that moment I think I decided to turn my brother in to the police, and should have when it was said and done, but hadn't. Crippled by grief and despair how the fuck had he expected me to look at another woman's little girl when I had LOST MY OWN! I hadn't been able to function at all when he'd taken them, and the day Darius left I'd cooked his favorite dish, POT ROAST! It sat on the stove beside the pot of rice for a week!

Vondre' had come inside and sit on the sofa that we'd struggled to bring inside and sit catercorner in the middle of the floor. He patted the cushion for me to sit down after seeing the tears dripping from my face!

"U put me in some fucked up situations!"

He always had!

I sat down, he lit his blunt and before he could put it to his lips I'd reached for it! I needed something! CRACK PERHAPS!

"U DON'T SMOKE SIS!"

I'd smoked once or twice with Darius but had been too busy pretending to be a saint for Vondre' to even know about it.

I took the spliff and put it to my lips, took a drag, coughed and passed it back. It was only a gateway drug if u wasn't strong, right?

Right.

The conversation we had that day only sparked a concern for what I'd tried not to consider even after he'd given me his explanation, "Look Sis---this has to stay between me and u," he whispered.

A lot of shit he'd done he said he wasn't proud of, and I believed him because of the measures he would take to try to fix the shit. No matter what he said though, I couldn't forget the fact he knew my baby had been killed with a 9mm. Perhaps they'd mentioned it on the other news channels I told myself eventually and he hadn't been involved.

But it hadn't been enough time for the shells to even make it to the lab, let alone to be identified!

The spent shell casings hadn't even been collected from the ground; and the car neighbors had described---

"The job just fell on me Sis, I had to. I can't kill no kids though."

He sounded so sincere and the thoughts I'd had diminished when he said what he'd said about not killing children even though he'd specifically said "Darius needed to be seen about." Had he missed, I wondered!?

Now numb, and tranquil from one drag I took I looked at my brother's lips move and inspected his attire; the jewelry, the clothes and shoes, I also remembered the money he just kept on producing.

"I had to come up with a way to get u out the Jets Sis, its the only reason, I promised u I would, so I took the gig, I couldn't pass up 50 bands."

"Was she the one first Dre'."

"Nah."

"O.K---so how many?"

I reached again for the spliff.

"That ain't important."

In pure disbelief I looked at the murderer my mother had brought into the world while I took a long hard drag. I'd known he had a conscience, it was obvious when he too had gone into a depression stage a couple weeks prior, after Sandra's abduction. Now he acted as if his conscience was clear---he couldn't have shot my baby! I was the one depressed! I hadn't eaten or bathed in God knows when!

"Dre' u know they are investigating the transfers from her account!"

"THAT NIGGA STAGED IT ALL! JUST DON'T WORRY ABOUT NOTHING! Being nosy will implicate u if anything ever goes down! Sheretta don't even know!"

Or at least he thought she didn't but what bitch don't know her man? Besides a bitter bitch won't rest until they get even---take Darius for example! WAS HE EVEN NOOOOW!?

When it was said and done, the girl remained at the house and her name eventually became Taylor---a unisex name. I'd taken Dre's clippers and shaved her head after telling her it was too knotted to comb, but her pierced ear lobes concerned me. My explanations hadn't soothed her curiosity and as time passed she remembered last seeing her mother before they'd left home headed toward Costco---and had fallen asleep while Sandra waited on someone.

Almost 4 months had gone by and the ache of my baby girl had not subsided any but had only gotten worse. Whoever said time heals wounds LIED! BIG TIME! The networking in my brain hadn't allowed me to function and the child was homesick but was beginning to remind me a lot of Nevaeh, now she couldn't leave me!

I knew I needed to shake back but it would take almost a year before I could function enough to pick up where I'd left off at before he'd taken the kids.

Somewhere down the line I had been crippled, was it the breakup? The divorce? The custody battle? Or the infidelity!? Where had Vondre' gotten the gall to kill from? Certainly it wasn't Mama if she hadn't killed the bitch that killed her first and since I had gotten older she had reached out to me while serving a 40 year sentence.

The letter's had always begun the same. "I never meant to kill Gayle---"

But bitch u did, and killed us all---even Grandma! Vondre' had yet to react---or was he reacting now!?

"Are u gay? Why do u hate women sooo much Vondre'?" Sheretta had asked before she'd come from the room with a split lip leaking down the front of the backwards T-shirt she'd slept in. I would always mention Mama and he would quickly change the subject. He hated her for having to endure whatever he'd endured while in foster care, I looked for him! Lord knows I HAD!

He would go and come as always but had furnished the home---fully. He'd even bought Sasha a bed and decorated the room Spider Man. It was understood we needed to stay out of the public eye for a while, so I had begun to teach the child so she wouldn't fall too far behind. Curiously I would pry her for information, like her birthday September 6---I'd also found out how Dre' had even gotten close to her and it had all been Franklin Warner's idea.

Where was Sandra!?

What had he done with her body?

I needed to know!

Months had passed and the girl had gone into her own depression stages---she'd also begun to remember more about the day she was taken. Through the window she would watch the school bus in the mornings and evenings while gazing at the children in the neighborhood.

I knew I just needed to trust my brother, we were all we had.

With the volume down and closed caption on I watched the interview while the husband who hadn't seemed be grieving the disappearance of his wife gave his statement and pleaded the return of his daughter, Sasha.

Jessica, u are smarter than that---I thought while considering telling her the truth since she was my friend. The bitch looked too convinced! I remembered being convinced! I'd searched and searched for her address, she couldn't let him fool her! Why wasn't the bitch listed!

Soon he became a suspect after her family had spoken out about the paternity results he'd seen before she disappeared, maybe he hadn't killed her but he was just as guilty.

I hadn't talked to my sons since their sisters murder and when I had I learned of their sister who would arrive in three months.

Their excitement only pissed me off.