XX.XI.XXI

Dear Diary,

I've decided that the greatest thing you can discover is that you don't have to know anything. A Greek philosopher once said, "The only wisdom is in knowing you know nothing."

I don't know Socrates in person, but if I did, I would ask him if he was fine with knowing nothing. I've decided that the wisest thing is being comfortable knowing nothing. It doesn't matter if you admit your ignorance if you still hate not knowing anything. You can pursue knowledge, but still, get used to not knowing anything. You will never be "smart". There is always someone that knows something you don't. There is no such thing as "smart" in this life. No one will ever know anything significant. Life is going to seem meaningless and you might not ever know what your point is.

If you're ever questioning your purpose, let it be this: to inspire those around you to be kinder and more respecting; to keep those around you from feeling the way you feel; and to help others live, rather than simply existing.

If you accept this as your purpose, it will keep you going even if you feel like you're in a glass box, separating you from the world. You'll realize that the people around you will never be the same if you seclude yourself. You'll realize your impact and it will force you to get out of bed. You might wish that people would just leave you alone, but that fact that they won't will keep you going.

Have you ever wondered what the world would be like if you got everything you wanted? Would you really be happy? Would anyone care about you? Would you act the same? Would you even be the same person?

Life is full of these questions everywhere. I like to explore them in my free time. It's such an interesting concept. What is the human mind capable of conceiving? Have you ever asked yourself these questions as you wait for something to do?

I've reached the conclusion that I don't need to be good at drawing or writing songs to make art. I can write books and use my talent with words in that way. Maybe, I can improve my song-writing and drawing, but maybe I can just be content with the talent I do have. I'm good at helping people understand.

I'm used to being the one who's good at everything. I've always strived to be that person. Now, I realize that I don't have to be. I don't have to be anything. Life is full of riddles and struggles, but if there's a problem you can't fix on your own, you can ask others to help.

Asking for help is hard, though. You have to let go of your ego enough to say that you can't be good at everything. I know it was hard for me to ask for help when I was in a rough spot. I know it'll still be hard for me to ask for help in the future. I have no problem asking for help with physical things, but for mental and emotional things, I want to say that I know everything.

I've reached the conclusion that I don't have to know everything. I don't have to be talented. I can still help the people around me live their lives to the fullest. I know that sometimes I'll have a hard time getting out of bed, but those people around me, the ones that seem to be pests that are always nagging me, they're the ones keeping me going. I feel as if they're dependent on me. If I feel that they need me, it helps me see the impact I have on the world around me. It helps me realize and acknowledge that life is hard, but there are people out there who will notice if I'm gone. They'll care. I don't want anyone to hurt, so I keep going. I keep going, even if it means that I'm tired.

The only thing that I must ensure that I do is that I take a day off. Sometimes, I just need time to myself. Today is one of those days. I've realized so many things about life in these days. I know that these things might not apply to you. I realize that they might not help. Maybe, just maybe, though, it'll help me fulfill my self-made purpose of enriching the lives of those around me.

Love,

Katura