lost

This is the first time I wrote this year. I wish it was a good new year. But we can't all have happy memories. No, last year I lost my friend Jessica, i lost her to suicide right before new year's eve. I moved schools and the last time I saw her she was happy, she was fine. I don't know what went wrong. When I moved we kept in touch but lately, it was becoming less and less. How i found out what happened from her friend jasmine. We were kind of close, me and jasmine, but never really hung out. I still can't get over her death.

So lately I have been having really weird dreams, more so nightmares, about it. And Jessica is always in those nightmares. But when I see her in those nightmares,, she is screaming HELP, HELP ME, please. I don't know why. When I try to help her she just passes out ad when I try to wake her, her eyes become pitch black. Her skin is pale, so pale it is like the color of the first snowfall.

I try to wake up from the nightmare but all I see is darkness, pure darkness. The next day I try not to think about it. But in the back of my head, i hear this voice and it is the same words help, help me, please. I don't know what to do about this situation anymore. I try to explain this to my dad and he says just try to talk to her. Why, I already tried and, when I try to talk to her all that happens is she passes out. Honestly, i think I am over thinking the situation.

Later that night, I try to go to bed early. So that night I hear this voice, it was saying the same thing but it wasn't her, it wasn't her voice. It was more like a child's voice. So I get up and maybe read a book or play an episode. And try to go

back to bed. The next thing I hear is this scratching on my window, so I look outside, no one is out there. Then I feel something scratch my leg. I was freaked out because there was a scratch mark on my leg. I kept trying to tell myself that it is just a dream, it is not real. After that said, I just went back to bed.

This has been happening very often these past few nights. I wish I can help her. I wish I knew why this happened. We used to text a lot when I was with my mother and even when I was with my dad. I just don't think that she would just bluntly do what she did. I think there is more behind her suicide. And I am going to be the one to figure it out.